Thursday, November 05, 2009

MJ’s News and Sweet Shop

We’re tightening our belts and pinching our pennies here at Infomaniac, what with all the costly renovations.

As a result, we’ve taken on a sideline business.

Welcome to MJ’s News & Sweet Shop!


[photo by Piggy]
(click to enlarge)

In the photo above, we see our first customer, Tazzy from Yorkshire.

What do you suppose he’s purchased?

And what will be your first purchase of the day, bitches?

56 comments:

  1. Yay! First purchase!

    Umm...do you have the August edition of "Anal Choirboys"?

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  2. It's not for me, you understand. It's for my friend, he's a republican senator.

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  3. I didn't know they could read and write in Yorkshire. Well you live and learn every day.

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  4. i've swore off all things delicious, sugar! but, if i were to indulge, it would be dark chocolate truffles. *sigh*
    xoxoxoxo

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  5. I could show you a trick using a Cadbury's creme egg.

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  6. A Tunnocks Teacake, obviously.

    They're on special offer at the new Tesco that will be opening shortly in Twathead, Nova Scotia.

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  7. Aw man, Leah said suckers first. I guess I'll go for one of these.

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  8. I'd like a copy of Jugs, a box of sweet tarts and a malt liquor, please.

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  9. a bottle of 222's, Cadbury chocolates and do you carry vodka?

    I'll take two.

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  10. I'll bet that Tazzy got some Mentos and a 2L of Pepsi :)

    I'll need
    1 can of WD40
    12 sparklers
    2 bottles of turpentine
    1 fairly large tin can of anything
    some string and a box of matches
    and I'll be paying for it in unmarked bills.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I expect Tazzy bought a giant gobstopper to shut Piggy up with.
    My first purchase would be a copy of Eldritch Express and that 17 yesr old paperboy.
    He's not for me, you understand, he'd be to keep SP amused so I could read my magazine in peace!

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  12. I bought a sweet thing with nuts.

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  13. I only came in to collect my copy of Mamouth Hooters

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  14. I'll just grab my rolling tobacco, papers and filters and my reserved copy of Robert Downey Jr Revealed.

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  15. Why? Do you feature in the current issue, Beast?

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  16. Is this shop in Yorkshire?
    If so, I'll get a pikelet - Yorkshire speak for crumpet.

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  17. It's in Rotherham, Kaz.

    Don't ask us to get you any pikelets from it either - we're never setting foot in the fucking horrible place ever again.

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  18. I'd say Tazzy bought some gingersnaps for Piggy--they're good for a delicate constitution.


    I'll take a Reader's Digest, Maxim, and Discover. Also, I'd like some chocolate covered almonds or peanuts. And some Kit Kat and Almond Joy; maybe some 3 Musketeers. Some potato chips. Any eggnog in stock?

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  19. I indeed very delicate.

    Delectable, adorable and delicate.

    I'm so pleased someone noticed.

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  20. KAPI: Yay! First purchase!
    Umm...do you have the August edition of "Anal Choirboys"?
    It's not for me, you understand. It's for my friend, he's a republican senator.


    We regret that Tazzy purchased the last issue of “Anal Choirboys”.

    Help yourself to that slightly tattered (i.e. stained) issue of Freshmen if you can wrestle it away from IVD.

    GINRO: I didn't know they could read and write in Yorkshire. Well you live and learn every day.

    They even have their own dictionary!

    SAVANNAH: i've swore off all things delicious, sugar! but, if i were to indulge, it would be dark chocolate truffles. *sigh*

    Aren’t you a little early for Lent?

    MITZI: I could show you a trick using a Cadbury's creme egg.

    Will you show us how you release the goo?

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  21. GARFY: A Tunnocks Teacake, obviously.
    They're on special offer at the new Tesco that will be opening shortly in Twathead, Nova Scotia.


    Are Charles and Camilla cutting the cheese, er, ribbon at the grand opening?

    XL: I'll have some Humble Pie!

    “Thirty Days in a Hole”…

    Is that about Saddam Hussein?

    LEAH: All-Day Suckers.

    The Houseboys fit that description.

    RANDOM: Aw man, Leah said suckers first. I guess I'll go for one of these.

    A candy posing pouch?

    Please return the container. He’s recyclable.

    JASON: I'd like a copy of Jugs, a box of sweet tarts and a malt liquor, please.

    “Malt-liquor drinkers are more likely to be homeless, unemployed, or receiving public assistance than those who drink other alcoholic beverages, according to researchers who studied drinkers in Los Angeles.”

    You can run a tab if you like.

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  22. BOXER: a bottle of 222's, Cadbury chocolates and do you carry vodka?
    I'll take two.


    Don’t you just love cross-border shopping?

    PONITA: I thought that said 'sweat' shop...

    The Houseboys taking inventory in the back room might agree with you.

    SNEPPOC EINNOD: I'll bet that Tazzy got some Mentos and a 2L of Pepsi :)

    I'll need
    1 can of WD40
    12 sparklers
    2 bottles of turpentine
    1 fairly large tin can of anything
    some string and a box of matches
    and I'll be paying for it in unmarked bills.


    Unmarked bills?

    We take Canadian Tire money, you know.

    IVD: I expect Tazzy bought a giant gobstopper to shut Piggy up with.
    My first purchase would be a copy of Eldritch Express and that 17 yesr old paperboy.
    He's not for me, you understand, he'd be to keep SP amused so I could read my magazine in peace!


    Do you suppose this gobstopper is big enough to shut Piggy up?

    It’s bigger than a tennis ball!

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  23. MAGO: I bought a sweet thing with nuts.

    Speaking of nuts…

    Why do Germans call testicles “Eier” (eggs) but over here we call them nuts?

    BEAST: I only came in to collect my copy of Mamouth Hooters

    See comment (hahaha!) from Piggy.

    ROSES: I'll just grab my rolling tobacco, papers and filters and my reserved copy of Robert Downey Jr Revealed.

    We know how much you love that centrefold.

    PIGGY: Why? Do you feature in the current issue, Beast?

    Hahaha!!!

    KAZ: Is this shop in Yorkshire?
    If so, I'll get a pikelet - Yorkshire speak for crumpet.


    Pikelet?

    *consults Yorkshire-English dictionary*

    ReplyDelete
  24. GINRO: Actually, I think I will stock up on chocolate!

    Note the fine print where it says…

    “But before you rush to buy that extra bar, chocolate with such high levels of flavanols is not generally available at present.

    PIGGY: It's in Rotherham, Kaz.
    Don't ask us to get you any pikelets from it either - we're never setting foot in the fucking horrible place ever again.


    Tell us more about Rotherham, Piglet.

    EROS: I'd say Tazzy bought some gingersnaps for Piggy--they're good for a delicate constitution.
    I'll take a Reader's Digest, Maxim, and Discover. Also, I'd like some chocolate covered almonds or peanuts. And some Kit Kat and Almond Joy; maybe some 3 Musketeers. Some potato chips. Any eggnog in stock?


    Gingersnaps? Well the ginger matches Piggy’s hair.

    We are not stocking festive beverages until the festive season!

    Mistress MJ is appalled that other shops are displaying their Christmas wares so early.

    PIGGY: I indeed very delicate.
    Delectable, adorable and delicate.
    I'm so pleased someone noticed.


    Delicate?!

    *reminds Piggy of recent “pebbledashing” incident*

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  25. All I've got is a loonie - what can I get for that?

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  26. CYBERPOOF: All I've got is a loonie - what can I get for that?

    A smack on the arse with a rolled-up copy of Freshmen.

    If I can wrestle it away from IVD and Kapitano.

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  27. Too busy to comment MJ?

    Hmmm?

    Even your favorite Danish poofter 'Petra?

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  28. This is not the way to do business.

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  29. Oh Hai Pete!

    Please be mindful of The Mistress's busy schedule!

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  30. We've finished with our copy of Freshmen! Cyberpete can have it now.

    Erm...sorry it's a bit, um, reshaped. Something inexplicable must have happened to it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. CYBERPOOF & XL: Shut it, you troublemakers!

    As a matter of fact, Mistress MJ is trying to organize a group of unruly houseboys who are up to some hijinks in the stock room.

    And one of them was caught with hand in the candy jar!

    My work is never done around here!

    KAPI: We've finished with our copy of Freshmen! Cyberpete can have it now.
    Erm...sorry it's a bit, um, reshaped. Something inexplicable must have happened to it.


    Ewww…*hands rumpled copy of Freshmen over to CyberPete with tongs*

    *notices stainage*

    Kapi, please refrain from eating yogurt whilst perusing our magazines.

    ReplyDelete
  32. "Jugurtha, you garother!"

    Tonight at work I'll think about an answer to your question.

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  33. MAGO: "Jugurtha, you garother!"
    Tonight at work I'll think about an answer to your question.


    Jugurtha, the King of Yogurts.

    It pleases Mistress MJ that you’ll spend the night at work thinking about testicles.

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  34. Looks like the Kabin to me.

    Who's that in the back room with Norris's gobstopper in their mouth?

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  35. GEOFF: Looks like the Kabin to me.
    Who's that in the back room with Norris's gobstopper in their mouth?


    By the look on Norris’s face., I’m guessing it’s Blanche.

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  36. Hand in the cookie jar?

    That reminds me of a movie title I scrolled past quite recently. All-stars Fisting

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  37. He purchased ME!!!!!!
    (muchas smooches Taz and Pig!)

    ReplyDelete
  38. ...in other news (and in a shameless example of comment piracy), theres' a new post up at Paul.
    I even turned the comments back on.

    *looks around furtively, darts off*

    ReplyDelete
  39. I think I could manage a sherbet fountain.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  40. TONY: Your Always SWEET X!

    The cheque is in the mail.

    Mwahhh!

    CYBERPOOF: Hand in the cookie jar?
    That reminds me of a movie title I scrolled past quite recently. All-stars Fisting


    Scrolled past?

    Or rented?

    NATIONS: He purchased ME!!!!!!
    (muchas smooches Taz and Pig!)
    >...in other news (and in a shameless example of comment piracy), theres' a new post up at Paul.
    I even turned the comments back on.
    *looks around furtively, darts off*


    *pees self with excitement!*

    *runs around telling the others*

    SCARLET: I think I could manage a sherbet fountain.

    You’ll need a soda jerk to go with it.

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  41. FIRST NATIONS IS BACK, BITCHES!

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  42. Is everyone like high here? I will have a 3 litre bottle of Frosty Jack for 58 alcohol units....

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  43. MUTLEY: Is everyone like high here? I will have a 3 litre bottle of Frosty Jack for 58 alcohol units....

    It’s the combined excitement of Ms. Nations’ return from hiatus AND your 399th post!

    I’ll drink to that!

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  44. "You’ll need a soda jerk to go with it."

    And why-fore you looking at me when the word 'jerk' is mentioned? I'm not being paranoid. Everyone really is out to get me.

    And if FN is back that means I can finally get some milk for my coffee.

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  45. AYEM8Y: My first purchase was an MJ feminine product.

    I’m reading the product info for FreshBalls and it says …

    “All men sweat in their groin area, and until now, there has not been a product specifically to relieve the wetness and the uncomfortable feeling of sweaty balls.”

    I really don’t think you need this product.

    Surely there are men who are willing to lick you dry?

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  46. The coming Xmas season can mean only one thing: Schweddy Balls!

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  47. XL: The coming Xmas season can mean only one thing: Schweddy Balls!

    Dang. Video not available in Canada.

    *goes elsewhere*

    Wow! My mouth's watering just thinking about those Balls!

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  48. ima purchase me some tazzzzzyyyy

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  49. JOE*TO*HELL: ima purchase me some tazzzzzyyyy

    Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Unfortunately, our Tazzy isn’t for sale.

    But if you’re looking for some hot action, why not try our Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service?

    ReplyDelete