Deck Your Balls Event!

The Infomaniac DECK YOUR BALLS event is here!


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Let's start our holiday décor extravaganza off with Mistress Maddie as she's hosting a festive décor event of her own today too. Click here to see what Mistress Maddie and her Bitches have on display.

MISTRESS MADDIE...
This year I did a branch tree, with all red lights. I'm sure the neighbors are wondering about all the red light glowing from the windows!!! And my balls seem to hang so much more comfortably in these branches! Course there are balls all over the place around here.






LX...
My new ornaments for this year: carved wooden Angels from the Gendarmenmarkt Christmas market in Berlin. Each is about 1.75 inches (45 mm) tall.

Did I win yet?




Note from Mistress MJ: We here at Infomaniac remind you that the Deck Your Balls event is NOT a contest.


THOM...
I was unclear as to whether a photo of my decorated testicles was what you were looking for or merely holiday decor. I've opted for the latter.

For my entire adult life I have never had a Christmas tree, and probably never will. However for the past few years I've been putting up the tree for my parents. I've come to the conclusion that decorating an artificial tree is sort of like accessorizing a giant toilet brush. Anywho, here's the tree....



Note from Mistress MJ: Lovely tree, Thom, but we're guessing your testicles are even lovelier.


MITZI...
I haven't sent any cards out this year to anyone, so find attached my Christmas greetings. As you can see by the photograph I haven't gone overboard with the trimmings, I never do, Christmas can go and fuck itself.




TOPHER...
My limited yet Merry Yuletide decoration...




MISS SCARLET...
My Santa Gnome, sitting by the wood burning stove....




PRINCESS...



Note from Mistress MJ: There was no descriptive blurb from Prinny but then we all know she was heavily into the rum and eggnog in our comment box yesterday.


HUGGY JON...
This is the new addition in our collection of "bébelles de nouwelle". It easy to install, lights are already set. I just hope I'll be able to shove it back in its box on January 2nd. It was on special at Can-Ti, 25% rebate and with 9.25$ bonus cash of Canadian Tire money, that little bugger cost me less than six blowjobs. WOO-HOO!!!




AYEM8Y (MEAN DIRTY PIRATE)...
Here's my fucking Christmas! As a merchandiser and Holiday Specialist (Some Call Me Mr. Christmas) I really want to come home to a clean palette. I sling Christmas all day for those with more money than taste and at the end of the day, well, it's just plain tacky.So I mustered up the energy to sling the shit at my house this year. Very severe and decidedly a statement on the recession.

Happy Holidays Bitches...










SUNSHINE...



Note from Mistress MJ: Sunshine is one of Mistress Maddie's Bitches but his decorative balls are welcome here anytime!


MISTRESS MJ...
Christmas looks a lot like Pee-wee Herman chez Mistress MJ. As you can see, Pee-wee's waiting for me to insert the "Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special" DVD.

It's a Christmas tradition chez Mistress MJ to watch this zany holiday favourite featuring some amazing guests such as Cher, Joan Rivers, Grace Jones, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Little Richard, Charo, The Del Rubio Triplets and so many more! And, of course, the usual cast of characters.

It just doesn't get any better!!!



HAPPY HOLIDAYS, BITCHES!

Filthy Friday - Deck Your Balls Edition

Be sure to drop by SATURDAY to see how an assortment of Infomaniac Bitches have decorated for the holidays!


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Is an "assortment" the correct word to use in describing a group of Infomaniac Bitches?

Or could you suggest a more suitable collective noun?

Margaret and Her Evil Twin

We're a little late to the party but birthday wishes are in order for the blogless Margaret (Infomaniac's new health inspector) and her evil twin...

Lover Undercover

Here's a little something from an album that keeps Mistress MJ warm on those cold winter nights. And let it be said that I love absolutely everything on Melody Gardot's "My One and Only Thrill". It's been on constant rotation here since its release in 2009. And yes, I've mentioned the CD before but it's that good.



We here at Infomaniac recommend listening to it by candlelight, whilst sipping a cocktail, artfully draped across your fainting chaise.

Now over to you, Bitches...

Do you have a CD that begs to be listened to by candlelight?

Wenis Wednesday

A reminder that TOMORROW (Thursday) is the deadline for your Deck Your Balls Event photos.



We want to see your holiday décor; whether it’s an entire room decked out for the festive season or something as simple as an ornament.

Meet Margaret

Introducing Margaret: Infomaniac’s new health inspector…


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Some of you may have been wondering, “Who is this Margaret and why is she infiltrating Mistress MJ’s comment box?”

Rest assured that Mistress MJ has known Margaret for some time.

Margaret can be found operating the gift shop over at Cookie’s successful salon, The Hair Hall of Fame. At The Hair Hall of Fame you’ll find not only Margaret and Cookie but bitchin’ beauticians such as Mistress MJ herself, Normadesmond, Jason, AyeM8y, Thom, and other skilled stylists.

Margaret will be making appearances here on Infomaniac from time to time to inspect the premises and report on her findings.

And did we mention she has an evil twin?...

kabuki is back

kabuki zero, who has been missing for a month due to faulty reception, has returned...


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Would you Bitches mind filling him in on what he's missed during the past few weeks?

Don We Now Our Festive Muumuus

Here we see Peenee and Norma getting into the festive spirit in their holiday muumuus...


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But who's that half-passed out in the lower right-hand corner?

Holiday Decor Reminder

A reminder that your holiday decor photos are due on Thursday, December 20th.


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We want to see your holiday décor; whether it’s an entire room decked out for the festive season or something as simple as an ornament.

So show us your baubles and bits and get those photos in by Thursday!

Son of Norma

Norma and son...


[thanks, Wally!]

Reunited at last.

IKEA Catalogue Shopping

Mistress MJ hopes to spend the day catching up with your blogs and flipping through the new IKEA catalogue...


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UPDATE: Change of plan. Must go to work. So much for a relaxing day. Catch you later, Bitches!

Sleeping it Off

Mistress MJ has just completed three days of overtime hell, has been over-served at the Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge by the Official Infomaniac Bartender, and will post after a good night's sleep, sometime on Thursday.

Ikeas Homonkulus

Undoubtedly, you were riveted by our "Going Bananas in Canada" post earlier this week.

Because you Mistress MJ can't get enough of this story, you'll want to see this...


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More on the painting here.

The monkey was moved to a primate sanctuary but in a news update, Infomaniac has learned that his owner, who was fined for breaking the city's prohibited-animal bylaw, is seeking to regain custody.

"He belongs to his mother. He's not a monkey, he's my son."

Official Infomaniac Bartender

Introducing the Official Infomaniac Bartender...



In addition to his titles "Mr. Nude Infomaniac" AND "Official Penis of Infomaniac," AyeM8y aka Mean Dirty Pirate is now the Official Infomaniac Bartender.

So why not belly up to the bar at the Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge?

Ask him to mix you a COCKtail using his amazing "Swizzle Dick" or "Little Pirate" as we sometimes refer to it.

Bottoms up, Bitches!

Happy Birthday, Kevin!

You've all met Kevin aka KDNA...

He's one of the "Fab Five" Kitchen Queens...yes, the Kitchen Queen who submitted that mouth-watering Poulet Au Paprika recipe.


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Above we see Kevin suspiciously eyeing the Salty Ding Dong that Norma has baked for his birthday.

Go ahead and EAT IT, Kevin!

For those of you who don't know Kevin (he's a fellow Canadian, by the way,) here's all you need to know... in his own words...

"blahblahblah GAY blahblah MADONNA ............... now you know everything."



Happy birthday, Kevin!

Going Bananas in Canada

At Ikea...


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[photo via]

Story here.

Video clip here.

Meanwhile, Somewhere in Germany…

As you may know, Mr. Lax (LX) has been vacationing in Germany for the past few months but has just returned home to Texas.

Infomaniac has obtained photographic proof of what actually went on when he visited fellow Infomaniac Bitch, Herr Mago, at an undisclosed location, somewhere in Germany…


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Happy Hanukkah/Chanukah!

To Infomaniac's 3.5 Jewish Bitches, we wish you a happy Hanukkah/Chanukah (choose your favourite spelling ... apparently there are at least 16 ways to spell it.)

Whatever spelling you choose, it begins tonight at sunset so let's light the menorah, shall we?...



Okay, so the Infomaniac menorah has more than seven branches. What does a shiksa know of Jewish traditions?

In any case, you'll need this to stub out your fag ends...



Shalom, Bitches!

Filthy Friday

A reminder that the deadline for the Deck Your Balls event is December 20th.


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So far, we've had only ONE submission.

And no, the photo above is NOT the one submission we speak of.

Update on Donn

Proof that you can't keep a good man down...

(click to enlarge)

If you've been following Infomaniac today, you know that it's Donn's birthday but that he was recently hospitalized.

Thanks to Vicus and Miss Scarlet who both sent me good news, gleaned from Donn's Facebook page.

Here's what Donn has to say...

Thank You all for the Get Wells & Positive Vibes & Birthday Wishes.
Thanks to the miracle of modern science I dodged a bullet and got a second chance...I had some blockage in the 60 - 95% category corrected with stents and chemicals have restored my blood pressure down from the Giraffe range.
I will try to catch up in the next day or so but I am pretty tired... thank you for the very kind thoughts & words.
Love & Peace to All

Buddy Up

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If you saw my earlier "Happy Birthday, Donn" post, you'll know that Donn is in the hospital, on the mend from a mild heart attack.

You Bitches on Facebook already knew about Donn's condition but those of us without Facebook accounts were in the dark.

And this got me thinking...

Suppose you've been hospitalized or you're too sick to blog?

If you're someone who posts daily or someone who comments every day on other Bitches' blogs, your absence is noticed if you're missing for a few days.

We might assume you're too busy to blog but then again...what if you're seriously ill?

Not that we can actually DO anything about your condition but some of us nosy bitches want to know how you're doing and where the hell you are.

But then again, maybe you'd rather keep your condition to yourself and the rest of us nosy Bitches can bugger off.

How do we let the other Bitches know what's going on?

This can be tricky if you're too sick even to publish a short post. It probably means you don't even have the strength to send a quick email message to a fellow blogger who could then relay the news to the others.

So WHAT TO DO?

What do you Bitches suggest?

Should you each choose a blogging buddy to inform if you're out-of-sorts for an extended period of time and the blogging buddy could then inform the rest of us? But again, this might not be possible if you're too sick to email your buddy.

And I don't mean to be morbid but if I died, how would any of you Bitches know?


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I suppose after being stuck with the same Filthy Friday image for months on end, you'd all figure it out.

Anyway, back to our topic.

Suggestions welcome on what to do, Bitches.

And the first person to tell me I should get a Facebook account will get kicked up the arse.

Happy Birthday, Donn!

We here at Infomaniac are sending out happy birthday wishes to your other favourite Canuck ... Donn (aka Wurdin Edjwize aka Homo Escapeons aka Donnnnn aka Mr.S. Capeons aka Moot the Hoopla aka Lord Tennisanyone.) Did I miss any of your alter egos there, Donn?



Although he's disappeared to the dark side (Facebook) Donn still pops up here from time to time to brighten our day.

The ladies love him.

UPDATE: I’ve just been informed that Donn is spending his birthday in hospital so please send out good vibes for a speedy recovery. And a pretty nurse.

 

Paparazzi Problems

The public’s ever-growing need for more images of the Kitchen Queens going about their daily lives causes the Fab Five no end of annoyance...

A Brisket, A Basket

♫A-tisket, a-tasket♫
A-brisket, a-basket.

Cookie's brisket...



Cookie's basket...

Deck Your Balls Event

To make up for the fact that Mistress MJ is too cheap to not sending out Christmas cards this year AND because you asked for this event last year and didn’t get it, we are organizing a “Deck Your Balls” holiday décor event here on Infomaniac.



We want to see your holiday décor; whether it’s an entire room decked out for the festive season or something as simple as an ornament.

And as a bonus, our very own Mistress Maddie is planning a festive event of her own!

So the two Mistresses (Mistress MJ and Mistress Maddie) will coordinate their posts to be published on Saturday, December 22nd.

Deadline for photo submissions: Thursday, December 20th.

Show us your baubles, Bitches!

NOTE: This is not a contest.

Behind the Scenes at the Kitchen Queen Contest

Infomaniac let's you peek behind the curtain to see the goings-on at the Kitchen Queen Contest.

Here we see Norma attempting to bribe the judges with her Salty Ding Dong…



Here we see the other four winners talking behind Norma’s back (planning to cut a bitch)…



Here we see Ms. Nations devouring Cookie’s famous Sweet and Sour Brisket…


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Here we see Cookie’s reaction when her name is announced as grand prize winner…



Here we see Cookie rush the stage to accept her prize…


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Here we see Mr. Peenee, (Miss Runner-Up) wearing Cookie's crown after he's tripped her on her way back to her seat...



Here we see Mitzi’s reaction when her Jammy Rings fail to make the shortlist…



Here we see Huggy Jon who has “no comment” after a judge sat on his vol au vent…


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Here we see Topher planning to "pie" the winners with his Blue Ribbon Apple Pies…


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Here we see a vigilante committee of disgruntled contestants planning to take the Fab Five DOWN…



And finally, here we see Mistress MJ cleaning up after the contest is finally over…



Thanks for one hell of a swell contest, Bitches!

NOTE: Check out Cookie's "We're All Winners on Infomaniac" post here.

Announcing the Winning Kitchen Queen(s)!

Are you ready for the news?

Well, hold onto your hats because we have a five-way tie, Bitches!!!



Five, count ‘em, FIVE Infomaniac Bitches will share the Kitchen Queen crown!

Congratulations to Cookie and his Sweet and Sour Brisket; Normadesmond and his Salted Caramel “Ding Dong” Cake; Kevin (KDNA) and his Poulet au Paprika; Wally and his Peanut Butter Pie; and yes, believe it or not, LX and his Traditional Cranberries!

CONGRATULATIONS, LADIES!

Wait a minute, Bitches. Where do you think you’re going?...



Out of the vehicle, ladies.

Unfortunately, the DINNER OF A LIFETIME grand prize in Sumas, Washington at the home of Ms. First Nations can only be awarded to ONE of you Bitches.

So Mistress MJ hired a consultancy firm to put your names into a computer database and select a winner…



Therefore…

COOKIE’s name was selected from the list of five Kitchen Queens to dine chez Ms. Nations in Sumas, Washington.

AND Cookie will receive a charming handmade “Kitchen Queen” card, written by our Miss Scarlet in her exquisite calligraphy.

CONGRATULATIONS TO COOKIE, NORMA, KEVIN, WALLY and LX!
You’re ALL sharing the Kitchen Queen crown!



Thanks to everyone who voted and participated in the Infomaniac Kitchen Queen Contest!

And thanks to Ms. Nations and Miss Scarlet for providing the prizes!


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And that about wraps it up, Bitches!

Who Will Wear the Kitchen Queen Crown?

Voting for the Kitchen Queen has ended and our panel of judges are making their final decision.



The winner of the Infomaniac Kitchen Queen Contest will be announced sometime this weekend.