Saturday, September 29, 2012

Canadian Dance Moves

In our previous political announcement, Jason declared, "If Romney wins, I'm moving to Canada."

Norma asked, "Do you think MJ has room for all of us?" and Thom chimed in with, "Seriously, we may have to start the Infomaniac commune!"



You wannabee Canadians are gonna have to learn some Canadian dance moves before we allow you entry into this great nation of ours.

The Lumberjack, The Friendly Backpacker, Scrape the Windshield, The Cross-Country Skier, The Beaver, Pile the Poutine, Pump the Keg, Skate the Pond, Spell Your Name in the Snow, The Curler, The Glove Save, The Dog Sled, Paddle the Canoe, Skip the Goose Poop, The Maple Leaf, Carry the Two-Four, Tap the Syrup, Cold as Ice, and Raise the Cup.

Watch and learn these fabulous Canadian dance moves because we know that YOU wanna be a Canadian!



Sing along, Bitches!

♫Yeah I know that you wanna be Canadian, please
Even if in winter things tend to freeze
We’ve got the world monopoly on trees
And our country’s bordered by three different seas
Yeah I know that you wanna be Canadian, please
We invented the zipper, we’ve got expertise
We made insulin to combat disease
Yeah I know that you wanna be Canadian, please

CHORUS
Brits have got the monarchy
The US has the money
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

The French have got the wine and cheese
Koalas chill with the Aussies
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

Et si ce n’était pas assez
On a deux langues officielles:
L’anglais et le français
Ooh la la

Yeah I know that you wanna be Canadian, please
Where else do you find mounted police
Or go to the hospital and not pay fees
Yeah I know that you wanna be Canadian, please

And when freshwater is in high demand
We’ve got the world’s largest supply on hand
So you know that we could make a pretty good friend
But it’s even better if you can be…

CHORUS

So you’re thinking to yourself,
“How do I live in this beautiful country?”
Well we’ve got some steps for you to follow…


STEP 1: Lose the gun
STEP 2: Buy a canoe
STEP 3: Live multiculturally
STEP 4: You’re ready, there is no more!


We got beavers, caribou and moose
We got buffalos, bears, and Canadian goose
And we’re sorry about Celine Dion
But she did do that good song for James Cameron…


CHORUS

Brits have got the monarchy
The US has the money
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

The French have got the wine and cheese
Koalas chill with the Aussies
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

The Greek chilled out with Socrates
Can’t build a wall like the Chinese
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

In Kenya they have safaris
We’ve missed lots of other countries
But I know that you wanna be Canadian

36 comments:

  1. not gona happen. ps first-a-lingo

    ReplyDelete
  2. first time an arctic blast whirled up and under kabuki's kimono all fun would be over. in addition poutine - no. just no. sorry, kabuki will be declaring Desperate Palms a separate country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’m not certain that Kumadori makeup is covered under the Free Trade Agreement anyway.

      Delete
  3. Step 1. Uh, it's a small gun.
    Step 2. Check
    Step 3. Check
    Step 4. Check

    I would move if The Mistress still lived in Vancouver.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish that were true for other endeavors as well.

      Delete
  4. To gain citizenship, do you have to enter the World Poutine-eating Championship? If so, I'll stick to pickled eggs and pork scratchings. Jx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard you can choke down a lorry-load of spotted dick in no time!

      Delete
    2. Don't make me say it...

      PORK FAGGOTS!

      Damn you.

      Delete
    3. That’s Peenee on tuba, isn’t it?

      And Norma on accordion!

      Delete
    4. Uuumph-paaaaah-paaah...., Uuumph-paaaaah-paaah....

      Delete
  5. if you work for the tourist board,
    i'd suggest you get your resume in order.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And what does your Minnesota have that we don’t have?

      The annual Gopher Count.

      Delete
    2. gopher cunts? there's a stadium fulll of them.

      Delete
  6. Pfffft. Please. I live in the country that invented LSD, and, other stuff, and, stuff. Dammit I should not be asked to type when I am this partied out. AMERICA INVENTED PARTYING. And...money.
    And...
    stuff.

    I thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ....and stuff. WE INVENTED STUFF.
    Cool stuff.
    Yeah we did.

    *burblllllleKAFFKAFFKAFFhack*

    Yeah.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's funny, I made some stuff tonight!

      Oh, yeah...

      Delete
  8. It all sounded fantastic till someone mentioned beaver.....

    *2,3,4, Pony....Mashed Potato....Twist...*

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm practicing my Poutine and my Celine right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poutine goes straight to your hips so DANCE, Jason, DANCE!

      Delete
  10. Home Sweet Home, eh?

    Pis casse moué pas lé z'oreilles avec lé deux langues z'officielles!!!

    Don't worry people, you don't need to learn Franch to be Canadian, but it will be my pleasure to teach you some......

    MWUAAAAH!
    Jon

    ReplyDelete
  11. I won't be moving just yet as we are almost cousins anyway.... Besides i'm already busy celebrating Canada winning the AFL Grand Final

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pyke is the first Canadian to play in an Aussie Rules Football grand final!

      We're taking over the world, one continent at a time.

      Delete
    2. Something smells fishy here...

      Delete
  12. PYKE, not PIKE.

    C'est un poisson d'avril?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well... I was I suppose to know!

      *rolls eyes*

      Delete
  13. Actually bitches, Mistress isn't telling you the truth.

    Before you receive your Canadian passeport, you'll have to write in French, in three sentences maximum, not less than 20 words, not more than 30, "why you so much wanna to be a Canadian".

    And that's where I can help you. I'm offering my services of proofreader. 40 bucks/word, (that's Canadian dollars please!), paid cash under the table! Limited time offer! And that's a bargain cause I ususally charge 80$ CAN.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll must go in hiding cause the mounties are gonna be on my trail again as soon as they learn about this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's not all he's offering under the table, Bitches!

      Delete
    2. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

      I think that means "Excuse me, which way to the library?"

      Do I get my passport now?

      Delete
    3. What part of "not less than 20 words, not more than 30" don't you understand?

      FAIL

      Delete
    4. Does "voulez-vous" count as one word or two?

      Delete
    5. "voulez-vous" = 2 words

      "fille-à-pédé" = 1 word.

      Don't ask me why, I'm not making the rules!

      Delete