Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Oh Canada

By popular demand, Infomaniac is responding to your request to learn more about Canada.

We first ran this item over a year ago but obviously some of you did not learn the lessons to be gleaned from this post.

Here it is again. As you read and study, you may make notes in the margins.

Remember that Planet Oz post where we examined what makes Australians a unique people?

Infomaniac will employ a similar outline to show you foreigners what makes Canada such a great nation.

Let’s get started, shall we? Observe and learn.

Our houses are well-insulated against the cold Canadian winters…

We have an efficient transit system…


The snowmobile or “Ski-Doo”

Laugh at our funny fashion sense…

Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry, known for his sartorial statements.

Sample our Canadian cuisine…

Poutine: The Canadian holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds.

Kraft Dinner: A staple of the Canadian diet, I’ve gone on at length about “KD” here.


Beaver Tails

Nun's Farts

Maple Syrup

Nanaimo Bars

Butter Tarts

Canada is the donut capital of the world.

Get buzzed on our hooch…


We’re a nation of sportsmen…

A land of unique and fascinating wildlife…


Musk Oxen


Yes, most of our wildlife starts with the letter “m”.

But let’s not forget our national symbol, the beaver…

Our towns have names that make us titter…

Dildo, Newfoundland

Come By Chance, Newfoundland

Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario

We have funny money…

The Loonie is our one dollar coin, so named because it bears the image of a loon on one side.

Our two dollar Canadian coin? Yup, it’s called the Toonie.

The rest of our bills look like this…

Every Canadian has a wad of Canadian Tire Money stuffed into his wallet…

Canadian Tire Money can be used to buy automotive products and camping equipment and caulking guns and lots more crap at the Canadian Tire store.

We’re a land of manly men…

WW and Donn…ROWR!

And buxom babes…



Pamela Anderson turns 41 on Canada Day. . Her age has finally caught up to her bust size.

Our telly shows us the way we are…

Trailer Park Boys

Our leaders, just like yours, are buffoons…

Prime Minister Stephen Harper

Our police are on horseback…

Dances with hooves: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ‘Musical Ride’ is a spectacle showcasing the equestrian skills of the Mounties.

We have a lot of big stuff (future post on Canada’s big roadside attractions to come)...

The Wawa Goose in Wawa, Ontario

Yes, that’s a Canada Goose which, as you may know, produces big droppings…

And now let’s play you out with Stompin’ Tom Connors (popular Canadian folk singer) singing The Good Old Hockey Game…

Stompin’ Tom and hockey. It doesn’t get any more Canadian than that, folks.



  1. I read nothing. My only goal is to beat that XL.

  2. and I did! All is good in the world and now I shall read your post, Ms. MJ.

  3. here's what I've learn-ed:

    you have good beer, and candy, you didn't mention those fabulous 222's, but oh well, and YOU have are quite the gal. Did I miss anything?

  4. Such an environmentally conscientious nation! Saving water and electricity by going nude and sharing a ski doo to work to save gas and reduce emissions!

    I'll take the donut, the rum, and the two bikini models for a hands on, in depth exploration of the Canadian beaver.

  5. Eros, you'd fit right in with your cowboy hat and boots... ;-)

    You don't need to wear anything else... really...

  6. Golly, it's just all so...foreign.

  7. if nothing else, this post shows that we are a nation that doesn't take ourselves too seriously, we can laugh at ourselves (when appropriate) and that we're a simple people.

    unfortunately, about 90% of Canadians actually use all of these factoids when asked seriously to define what it is to be "Canadian"


  8. Oh so THAT'S why it's called a loonie. Stephen Harper is on the other side..

    You forgot Leslie Nielsen, again.

  9. and your in denial about Celine Dion

  10. The Mistress has appropriated the Hanson Brothers, again!

    Oh Hai Ms Boxer!

  11. I love Canada. I was in Canada once...

    OH hang on........

    I was in *A* canadian once.

    Easy to get confused.

    Very giving man he was tho.

  12. well, ok, whatever, at least, i'm not the 18th comment today. xoxox

  13. I knew I'd seen those Trailer Park Boys somewhere before.
    Oh and the geese of course. And the babe with the green head is just gorgeous.

    Now we want an update.

  14. "eroswings said...
    Such an environmentally conscientious nation! Saving water and electricity by going nude and sharing a ski doo to work to save gas and reduce emissions!"

    Poutine probably helps to increase emissions.

  15. Thanks for reminding me why I didn't emigrate.

    Poutine provides ample justification for nuclear annihilation. As do Bryan Adams and Celine Dion.

  16. Canada. Bah!

    It'll be part of America one day anyway.

  17. I'm keen to know what you do with a Fiddlehead...

    You also got Joni Mitchell and Dan Lanois (I know they left but they're still Canadians).

  18. Yes, you've convinced me. I, and a few carefully selected friends, will be arriving on the 8th. Please pick us up at the airport (not sure what time 'touch down' is, but there can't be many 'planes going to Canada, can there?).
    As you know, I am not fussy, provided that the food is all organic and vegan, the bedlinen clean and ironed, and there are no cctvs in the shower.
    And, as if I hardly need to mention it, you have a subscription to Sky Sports so that I can watch the test matches.

  19. So you live in an igloo and wear a bikini all the time? Or a maple leaf.

  20. Ummmmmm righteous mac and cheese! Especially good with cut up hot dogs and loadsa ketchup! There was a restaurant near where I lived and they served the fries like that they called them "combine fries" nyom nyom! I tried to convince maxi to try them, he thinks I'm a knacker now! They are soooo good with like leftover gravy from a roast dinner.... *whipes away drool*
    Loves Stompin Tom! "The spuds are big on the back of buds rig, they're from Prince Edward Island!"

  21. La Diva is from Detroit which is only a river away from dear Windsor Canada and I feel I can relate strongly to my Canadian brethren as I come from the same ass-numbing cold lands with beavers, moose, et al.

    I also strongly identify with Canadians as I too was a a loyal subject of the British Commonnwealth by marrying an Aussie way back when. Living down under for years is where I developed my keen love of chips n gravy (sans cheese curds) as well as an ironic sense of humour.

    Let's not forget about my fave: Canandian Club Whiskey! Distilled right on the river, it was a profitable business for my shady Eye-talian uncle to drive his car across the frozen river in winter to bring the booty back to the states during prohibition. Summer's were by boat, natch.

    My all time fave cookie/buscuit is the maple cookie! Two maple leaf cookies with maple cream in between! Used to eat this when I went "up North" as a kid to the UP to visit the crazy Yoopers. They were made in...Cananda! (the cookies, not the yoopers!)

    I hate those Canadian geese, they are the bain of many suburban men in Michigan who like green, brown-spot-free lawns.

    I miss John Candy and would happily trade him plus Phil Hartman for one annoying, living Celine Dion.

    Long live Canada, ay?!

  22. Wow not one good thing about Canada apart from the Nanaino bars and I can probably get them via the internet. Thank you MJ you have actually made me glad I live in the USA. It may be full of right wing fanatics who get all worked up at the sight of a nipple on TV but at least we have good weather.

  23. oh canada!!!


  24. MJ, You Sucketh. LMAO! This is only a test.

    Anyway, are those your chesthams we're seeing there? Wow!

    I do like the end of the story and of course I loves me some Don Cherry. I know, you lured me in again with Don.

    I think I'll pass on the fiddleheads, whatever the hell those are.

    Wil Harrison.com

  25. BITCHES: Ingrates!

    *grabs bottle of Screech, saddles up moose and rides off into the Canadian sunset*

  26. That was beautiful
    *les really beeg sob
    and we're so laidback that
    "We stand unguard for Tea"

    it's like right in our anthem eh!

  27. DONN: Finally. Someone who understands.