Tuesday, November 18, 2008

CyberPete: Queen of Denmark

Denmark’s biggest poofter has been hiding his face from us for months.

The most we’ve seen is a glimmer of glitter…

And a hint of hairline…

But our CyberPete (CyberPoof) is finally ready to face the world!

Ladies and Gentlemen, CyberPete exposed!...

Yes, that’s his darling Kylie Minogue at his side.

Kaz insists that this is really a photograph of Rick Astley but I believe the head, at least, belongs to CyberPoof.

Some of you may not be aware that CyberPete is one HIGH-MAINTENANCE POOF.

So high maintenance, in fact, that he requires a team to work on him first thing in the morning to make him presentable to the world…

This would all be well and good, each to his own and all, if he hadn’t stolen my best houseboys and relocated them to Denmark!

Watch here as my (former) houseboys go about preparing CyberPoof for his day.

And listen as he sings out his extensive list of demands!

Silver garters?

Undulating undies? With marabou frills?

Purple nylon girdle with orange blossom buds?

Peekaboo blouse?

Polka-dotted dickie?

Lavender spats?

Cutie chamois booties with leopard skin bows?

Pink brocaded bodice with floofy fuzzy ruffs?

Gorgeous bright blue bloomers?

Organdy snood?

Can there be any doubt the lady is a Queen?

Now return my houseboys to me immediately, bitch.

Note: I believe Queen CyberPete may be having some sort of psychotic breakdown at the end when he asks to be dressed up in liverwurst and camembert cheese but isn’t all royalty a little daft?


  1. I've got insomnia.

    I wouldn't say daft, more eccentric.

  2. GINRO: An insomniac?

    Welcome to my world.

  3. I just read that post and I noticed several things. No one suggested a night of rampant sex as a cure, strangely. And someone else already linked the words infomaniac with insomniac so I got pipped at the post there, lol.

    So my problem is either depression, or possibly the thought of my ex-wife as she has been causing a few problems of late and I just lie in bed looking up at the ceiling, face frozen in a terrified rictus.

    This picture is actually a frightening likeness:
    Terrifying likeness

  4. CyberPete is Rick Astley's blog persona!?!

    Good Lord that's a lot of clothes and accessories to put on! No wonder he needs a team!

    Fabulous! A Danish is a delightful treat!

  5. Coco Chanel said that the number one rule in accesorising is to take off the last thing you added. In this case "I" should take off many.

    The undergarments were horrid. I haven't worn colours that bright since 1989. And socks like that? Never.

    I adore you MJ but you are not getting back the houseboys back. You've got IDV and Beastie.

  6. Ah the things I would do to Kylie. Wasted on those poofs.

  7. Well he certainly doesn't sound like Rick Astley. With that perfect enunciation he couldn't possibly come from Newton le Willows.
    *Hops on bus to Arndale centre to find organdy snood for Christmas outfit*.

  8. What a pooftastic way to start the day :-)

  9. Well, I'm off to live with Pete... he has more space and I'm sure he won't mind sharing all his houseboys... will you Pete?

  10. GINRO: Your ex looks like she's just gone down on me.

    BOXER: Pooftastic! as Beast says.

    EROS: He needs a team to squeeze him into that Purple nylon girdle!

    CYBERPOOF: Greetings, your Highness.

    You've got IDV and Beastie.

    Do the words tits and bull mean anything to you?

    Are you going snood shopping with Kaz?

    KNUDSEN: Forget Kylie and get yourself a nice Asian gurlyboy.

    KAZ: Does Burberry make snoods?

    And you'll need new shoes to complete the look!

    BEAST: It's all tutu much, isn't it?

    SCARLET: Who died and made you Princess?

  11. There's always room for change in the style-section ...

  12. MAGO: Shame on you for sneaking in under my dirndl.

  13. You know, I didn't want to be impolite and point out the neon green old man boxers, but since it's been brought up, seriously, who picked them? Off with their heads!!!

    P.S. MJ, I've awarded you the Lemonade Award, for taking life's lemons and turning them into margaritas!

  14. Ah...I'll lend you my stockings if I can borrow your tights?

  15. EROS: A Lemondade Award?

    How thrilling! Thank you!

    *examines conditions of acceptance more closely*

    I am NOT sharing my award with BEAST!

    *snaps silver garters and flounces off*

    When life hands me lemons, I suck on them.

    SCARLET: Agreed, IF you can manage not to put a ladder in my stockings with your extracurricular activities.

  16. shopping with Kaz, yes. Apparently Scarlet's moving in and that's fine. If she brings with her money and hawt men I'll be even more thrilled.

  17. Methinks that something is ROCKIN' in the state of Denmark.

  18. CYBERPOOF: Hawt men?

    Aren't you content with my houseboys?

    Greedy guts.

    PENIS-RISING: If this country's rockin', don't bother knockin'.

  19. I have no idea what any of this is about... really is every one on the internet gay?

  20. That first pix. Can't tell if a fellow employee of the Dating Service smacked him or if it's makeup. Scary.

  21. MUTLEY: Not everyone on the Internet is gay.

    Some of them are just a bit poofy.

    XL: I didn't want to mention it but it does look like he goes in for rough trade, doesn't it?

  22. Who knew that he could sing so well too? He deserves all the attention he gets.

  23. *wipes all the glitter off himself* this stuff seems to be everywhere here!

  24. I would get a gurlyboy if it wasn't for PROP 8.

  25. RANDOM: He's an attention whore.

    VOICES: You should know by now that glitter is one of the hazards of visiting Infomaniac.

    That and assorted bodily fluids.

    Management will not be held responsible.

    KNUDSEN: Let it go on record that Mistress MJ believes that everyone has the right to marry the gurlyboy of their choice.

  26. meh, brings over air compressor to give mjs a good blowjob...

  27. *notices sudden long queue of gurlyboys and wonders if they're here for Old Knudsen or Inner Voices' "maintenance"*

  28. Why settle MJ?

    Besides I'll give you back a houseboy for every two hot men Scarlet brings with her.

  29. Oh, that's the best I can do. My hands are tied.

  30. I want some glitter! Cyberpoof, can you spare some flair???

  31. Absolutely Random Chick!

    *sprinkles RC with glitter*

  32. Watch where you're flinging that stuff, 'Petra - Some of it went in my eye!

    House boy, indeed.

    * huff *


  34. IDV: that's not glitter mate, and it's certainly not my stuff.

    Must be your chaps stuff.

  35. Maybe poofs banned by FACEBOOK like me? Please to send email saying not to ban MU at this email appeals+dput6bt@facebook.com

  36. He prefers Havarti Cheese according to my sources. Which are much more reliable than yours.

  37. *trips over gurlyboys, slips in glitter, is perplexed once again by the German, notes MU's Facebook frenzy and heads for cocktail bar*

    I really MUST get someone to supervise this blog during the long stretches when I'm absent.