Happy Birthday, Tickers!

Happy Birthday, Miss Tickers!





What a fine young lady you've become...

Filthy Friday

Dining Debacles

Are you a courteous, well-behaved restaurant customer?

Or are you more likely to resemble this pair?






Have you ever done a runner?

Do you bring your own food into the restaurant?

Do you “forget” to tip?

Do you insist on answering your mobile and having a loud conversation at the table?

The list goes on.

Fess up.

Who Needs a Bitch Slapping?

I nominate Celine Dion for a bitch slapping. Do I really need a reason?!



It came from Canada.





It wed an old man







It looked like it was hungry and could use a good meal









To satisfy its hunger, it ate a baby







It ate the baby whole







The baby repeated itself on her so she coughed it up like a hairball







The hairball grew into her son, Rene Charles. And don’t even think about commenting on his hair because she’s sick of hearing about it.






Stick that gigantic thumb up yer arse, Celine, or you’ll get a bitch slapping.



There’s Celine taken care of. Who else needs a bitch slapping?

How to Accurately Measure Your Penis

“Wee SID” receiving an accurate measurement



Go on, fellas. Get yer willies out.

Ladies (and I use that term loosely around here) you can help out if you have a partner who’s up to it.

Here’s today's project for you. A do-it-yourself guide for measuring your penis correctly.

So simple, even those who have bendy cocks can do it!

When you’ve completed this project, don’t feel pressured to tell us your measurements (oh, g’won, do) but tell us how you got on with this exercise.

World Toilet Day

What are you doing to celebrate World Toilet Day?

For starters, you can tell us your most embarrassing or traumatic toilet stories.







My list of toilet horrors is endless but let’s start with the earliest frightening loo memory.

It all started when my family took a road trip from Canada all the way down to the Deep South of Alabama to visit kinfolk.








I was 2 years old at the time so my memories of the drive are a bit sketchy until we reached a tourist trap where we stopped for refreshments.

Wee MJ got overly excited when she saw an outhouse. I don’t know if this was because I equated outhouses with good times or because I just needed to empty my teeny tiny bladder.

I bounded out of my parental unit’s grasp and made a run for the outhouse. Before my mummy could grab me, I opened the door of the outhouse and let out an ear-piercing shriek.

It wasn’t a real, functional outhouse at all. It was a “gag” outhouse!

What happened there would put me off clowns for years to follow.

You see, upon opening the outhouse door, a spring-loaded, life-size clown popped off the toilet seat and into my face! The shock! The horror!







The following year, I would experience yet another toilet terror.

3-year-old MJ fell into the toilet! Well I had a tiny bum and the toilet is made for an adult-sized arse.

I then hallucinated that a swarm of bees flew up from the toilet bowl!







It’s a wonder I don’t have a toilet phobia today, isn’t it?

How Not to Decorate

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled, “How Not to Decorate.”

I’ve been known to travel hours through the night to attend design exhibitions in New York City, Montreal and San Francisco. Yet despite my great love of design, I have a lot of useless, stupid shite in my home.

This series is your window of opportunity to view some of my ghastly home decor. Normally, I would charge admission but for you bitches it’s free.

I realize that I’m in danger of Colin and Justin performing a Home Heist on me for what I am about to display but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Behold…


THE CLOWN PAINTING






Do you have an item in your house that can top my clown oil painting for its crap design appeal?

Email a photo of it to me and I’ll collect enough pics to do a posting of Infomaniac readers’ shite.

Collecting Dust

I’m taking the day off.




I’ll be back on Sunday after I’ve Hoovered off the keyboard.

Google Searches – Day 9

The final Google Search posting! Hallelujah!




Today: Google searches on Infomaniac looking for the rest of yas.

Not all of you turned up in the Google searches on this blog but here’s a few more of you who did…Kaz, Homo Escapeons (HE), First Nations (FN), Geoff, Betty, Garfer, Awaiting, Tickers, Rimshot and Beast.



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR KAZ


Best place to get a shag in Manchester
How to get a shag in Manchester
Kaz free clips naked British
Naked Kaz
Manchester best dressed city



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR HOMO ESCAPEONS


Winnipeg Slurpee capital
Chippendales sailor outfit
Winnipeg capital of the world
Free Winnipeg vasectomy



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR FIRST NATIONS


fn sluts in red
burrito sluts
First Nations birthday
Stand on her head and pee
Tequila helping women drop their standards for years




GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR GEOFF

“Geoff and Betty” Halifax
Geoffrey industrial vibrator
west ham hate liverpool



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR BETTY


Snooker shirtless
Snooker guys
Stephen Hendry shirtless


GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR GARFER


Belfast brothels
What Freud said about Irishmen
How do I get into Irish porn
Naked in waders
Tunnocks Tea Cakes Canada
dirtyIrish phrases




GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR AWAITING


Black lard arse women wank
Good arse
Arse worship photo
Large arses
Big arses




GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR TICKERS

Mantyhose
Pantyhose sissies
Sex with a gear knob
You’re probably just a little bit poofy
Wanking wearing tights
Men wanking in tights
Manly pantyhose
Arse implants
Gearshifter fucking



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR RIMSHOT



life size girlfriend shaped pillow
how to swear in German
unclothed male butts photos




GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR BEAST

Men in frillies
Photos of men wearing knickers
Used panties preservation



BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Here are the many leftover Google searches that don’t fit anyone in particular. Unless you think you recognize yourself or one of the other bitches in a search term?

Women with caterers in their pee holes
What hole do females pee out of?
Drinking women’s pee
Photos of women standing up in the toilet
How to hold a plastic bag under your vagina and pee in it
Finger in pee hole
Gatorade urine stream
do women urinate from the hole in their clit?
do women pee out of the clit?
women urinate from different hole?
artistic vagina
Real pics women wear overnight maxi pads
Transvestites maxi pads shop
What color should men paint their toes?
Let me paint his toenails
transvestite toenails
is red nail polish for whores?
Male lactation
Why can’t I vomit?
sex position lumberjack
Pictures of concrete enema
Can you put coffee up your arse?
How far should you put your tongue up your girls arse?
Penguins lederhosen
picture, moose, drooling
Female toenail etiquette
Orgasm face
Wank me off granny
Blokes with big willies pics
Women wanking whilst driving
Dirty and used knickers
Toenail problems photos
Notice your nuts
Dirty old granny slags
Can midgets wipe their buttocks?
women being naughty with ski tubes and pool toys
making your own blow up dildo
penis size photos
Penis beauty contest
Nude in waders
Typewriters and nudes
insert nipple in cock hole
beauty pageant bums
prize arses
bashful bowel
funny anal bead lawnmower story
vagina paintings
why do british men have long fingernails?
places you've jacked off
Erotic Elven bitches
Can you freezer burn your tongue?
vagina smiley faces
england flag as vagina wig
lips touch the toe
housewife fantasy
transsexual nursing baby
needed relief cock
hair on your nuts
penile projections
body pillow torso headless girlfriend
fire extinguisher penis
rugby players' big willies
Dirty used footy socks



And finally…


GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR ALL OF YOU!…

DIRTY FILTHY CUNTS

Google Searches – Day 8

Today: Google searches on Infomaniac looking for Tazzy and Piggy.

GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR PIGGY



Was the first caveman ginger?


Gingers
Eye-watering fart
Vile cunt




Erotic love piggy




Piggy toenail polish
Male buttocks moon photo
Knob cheese gay




Little Piggy butt plug


Butt plug stuck in butt
Amazing turd
pantyhose piggy
Filthy Scot
Pork faggot
Nipple gets hard video
never call a scot a brit




naughty boys with no underwear


tweezer penis
shit streak underwear
novelty saggy testicles
Trousers, revealing the tiniest 'willie
pubic time-lapse
arse pimples



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR TAZZY



Taz tired


Tazzy underwear
Sailor outfit on Tazzy
Lord of the Totty
Daddy bear
Yorkshire translator
TAZZY PUSSY



ridiculous headgear




GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR TAZZY & PIGGY TOGETHER



Dirtiest slags in the UK


World’s biggest cunts
Stupid Englishmen from Yorkshire
Barnsley gay cruising
Fuckfinder
Gloryhole toilets in Yorkshire
Gay gloryholes in Yorkshire



Old cunts over 60

Miserable cunts
Barnsley slang
Fisting diagram
Ream and scream dildo
Old trannies
they both wear pantyhose
stupidest city in Britain




Naked British roller coaster riders



cunts under tables
Barnsley slang
Fancy a fuck in Barnsley
Drunkest place in the UK
Naked blokes
bumfun pics
fat old men pissing



hairy men


filthy old bitches

Google Searches – Day 7

Today: Google searches on Infomaniac looking for Frobi, IVD, and CyberPete.


GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR FROBI


Bree Vandekamp wigs


I am a teenage boy I need a dildo for my bum
I am a twelve year old boy and have a stiff cock in my shorts
He always gets his cock out at parties
Dedicated to disco
Cruising for trannies
Is rat pee bad for you?



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR (IVD) INEXPLICABLE DeVICE



Warty cock pics


Enema shower
Dirty boy
Men with long toenails
Good weekend IVF
IVF orgasm
IDV paintings
Barbed wire knickers
gagging for a shag
stretched sphincter
suck my willy pics
dead elf
dried cum on thong
rent boy pics
tranny caught with knickers down



GOOGLE SEARCHES LOOKING FOR CYBERPETE



tranny sandals


Danish pastries porn
Dirty Danish
Danish cunt
Dirty Danish bitches
caught wanking by mum
I’d do me

Google Searches – Day 6

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