Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Infomaniac Orchestra Auditions

Due to an unfortunate accident, the Infomaniac Orchestra is one member short.

If you can play an instrument, please submit your résumé and/or an audition tape.


  1. Resume:

    Skin Flute Academy:
    Summa Cum Loud.

  2. I can blow any horn put in front of me.

    Come one......... you think I was gonna leave it all to jason???

    I'm the freakin Infomaniac # 2 Houseboy / slave after all?!?!?!

    ***places single chaste kiss on each of Mistress' feet as is proper***

  3. Unlike these rank amateurs, I am a certified tubaist.

    Hit it, boys.

  4. Damn it. Seven comments late and all the good ones are taken.


  5. At least the person hasn't put something up *there*

    Or are you saving that nugget for Friday?

  6. I play sax!
    I have a mean fingering technique and a tight embouchure.
    Many of us here are good with wind.

  7. BITCHES: As usual, the competition here is fierce.

    It’s going to be hard to pick just one of you but tune in (ha! “tune” in) tomorrow as Mistress MJ selects a new member (ha! “member”…stop me) of the Infomaniac Orchestra.

    Please continue as Mistress MJ scribbles notes on your qualifications in the margins.

  8. ***farts Canadien National Anthem while accompanying self on the spoons***

  9. We suggest that Beast enter that comment as a caption at The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition.

    *Febrezes room liberally and resumes reviewing résumés*

  10. I am proficient in skin flute (that includes the 'Prickelo', 'contra-flute' and special study and high marks in the 'Grosso-Flouto') an instrument which, when held and manipulated correct, yields an amazing result. So beautiful, it has been know to move people.

    Seriously, I have devoted my life to its study, and they bring me such pleasure in return.

  11. And Oh, did I mention that I am also a skilled at the 'Bag and Pipe'? One mustgrasp the pipe, and blow whilst skilfully manipulating the bag. If you squeeze the bag too hard, it lets out this miserable whining sound.

  12. I've never met such a blow-hardy group as this!

  13. Lau your luppers on the striller bona Ayem8y and play us something nice on the organ.

  14. For my audition I'd like to play Canadian Sunset on the finger cymbals and slide whistle.

  15. Did I mention that the Infomaniac Orchestra has groupies?

    Please try to keep your hands on your instruments.

  16. I used to play the drums, kazoo, and the field.

    Thanks to years of DRUMMING with headphones cranked to "11" I have tinniiiiiiiiitus.
    The Kazooing earned me a spot on the RCMP's suspected Communist file.

    And all that I have to show for my selfish, lusty sexploits of teenaged, hardbodied nymphomaniacs, are a few vivid memories of pure-perfect-moments of unbridled, pretzelian, carnal pleasure...
    *lights cigarette and smiles.
    which will never-ever-EVER happen to me again...ever...unless someone invents a time machine that allows you to look like you did but retain what you know now.

  17. Miss J IS her own instrument. And how she enjoys playing with herself.

  18. Did I point out that I preferred to blow on any instrument uncut?

    Flowers on the piano...tulips on my organ...

  19. I don't know about anyone else, but I 'cunt' hear anything that sounds listen fine music to me. Jeez, I hope I don't have a 'clit'-ical ear infection.

    (Me does the dance of joy - scrored the first cunt and clit puns...)

  20. Mistress MJ is busy reviewing your audition tapes and résumés and has no time for idle chit chat.

    *agrees with Mr. Cookie's "uncut" comment*

    Got to go. Come back sometime tonight (Eastern Daylight Time) for the results!

  21. Auditions for the Infomaniac Orchestra are now closed.

    Come back later to find out if YOU made the cut!

  22. My late addition to the percussion section: Here.

  23. KAPI: My late addition to the percussion section: Here.

    You’ve got the beat…you’re hired!

    Donn’s got the ladies falling at his drum kit…you’ve got the men.

    *rewatches video clip*

    Or “twinkies” in this case.