Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Win A New Boyfriend Winner!

Congratulations, CyberPete!

You win a new boyfriend!

This amazing “Grow Your Own Boyfriend” is on its way to you in Denmark. Just add water and watch him grow 600% his size in water!

WARNING: Choking hazard!

Why does CyberPete need a new boyfriend, you ask?

Let’s hear it from CyberPete’s own mouth…

“because I'm sad, needy and desperate for love.”

Bitches, have you ever heard anything so tragic?

May we suggest volunteers from our audience to comfort him?

Jason is our runner-up with this retort…

“Because I've always wanted to date a choking hazard.”

Our third place winner is Michael Guy with this spin on the situation…

"I don't need a new boyfriend per se but is there a 'f*ck me like the bitch that I am' substitute?"

We would like to take this opportunity to note Michael Guy’s comment in yesterday’s post, as follows…

“AND just for the record bitches the last time I got lucky was the Reagan era. I just don't, as my friends say, "put myself out there." Which is true once one's heart has been trounced into the deepest darkest dirt pit of despair by someone who was supposed to love you.”

Still on the topic of Michael Guy, have you had a look at his man titties?

Thanks to everyone who participated in our Win A New Boyfriend contest.

Oh, and CyberPete?

We’ll be expecting a post WITH PHOTOS when you and your new boyfriend have your first date!


  1. yeay! If the winner is unable to fulfill his duties, I will gladly step in.

  2. Yay! Thanks guys!

    Now I'll never be alone again. Oh, is that a good thing?

    Seriously, thanks for voting for me and I can't wait to meet him. He looks nice and I'm just thrilled that at least he's a grower..

    Jason, if I get sick and tired of him I'll make sure you get the sloppy seconds.

  3. Oh, bravo, 'Petra!

    Don't let him dehydrate now, will you - It'll only end in disappointment.

  4. I am wearing my best hat as I type and I am tossing confetti. I wish the happy couple all the very best.

  5. Break out the Bolly!

    Congrats Pete dahling. Wishing you many happy years together!

    Sweetie, have you started planning your first date yet? Which will be the first Kylie CD you'll play him?

  6. bless your heart, petey-pet! i knew y'all would win! congratulations! xoxoxoo

  7. So Cyberpete is now going to confuse people by announcing "I'll be right back. I just need to go and water the boyfriend."

    Jason...doesn't need a boyfriend. So is most likely to hook up with someone else who doesn't need a boyfriend.

    And Michael Guy...doesn't really have man titties. Though if he wants them, I can come over and suck on those nipples till he does. It's got to be worth a try.

  8. Congrats to Pete! A toast to the new couple!!! X O

    Anyone interested in a slightly worn pageant gown? It was an honor to compete...

  9. er, I would like to point out that this is the SECOND incident of KAPITANO and fabulous moi having simultaneous comment posts. Coincidence or star-crossed lovers whose quivering lips never meet?

    (I read Barbara Cartland...)

  10. My lips are quivering.

    But my mouth is still.

  11. Congratulations Pete...

    *raises glass to the winner*

    i'm not sure but I think your new boyfriend may well provide tyou with Sloppy Firsts... what with all the water and everything...

  12. Congrats Pete! What are you waiting to throw him into the swimming pool?

  13. congratulations peter! on you, desperate looks good.

  14. @Kapitano: So Cyberpete is now going to confuse people by announcing "I'll be right back. I just need to go and water the boyfriend."

    Which is code for something else entirely? Mhmmm?

    Thank you everyone. (insert own rude innuendo involving moist and/or big here)

  15. OH come on...aren't we all sad, needy, and desperate for love???

    Enjoy your boyfriend, CyberPete. At least he won't look at your credit card bills.

  16. *notes that CyberPete hasn’t blogged since May 9th*

    This will give him something to write about.

    He can keep a diary of his new boyfriend adventures.

    Title ideas, anyone?

  17. "CyberPete and the Homegrown Boyfriend Who Didn't Quite Measure Up." You can go all sorts of ways with this title.

  18. Mazel Tov! Just remember to keep him moisturized, or he'll crumble under you like Elizabeth Taylor on ice skates.

  19. "Wet'n wild"?

  20. On what planet is that funny, XL?

  21. That's quite ENOUGH, thank you.

  22. Hmm..

    XL sweetheart, I thought Vegas 'stars' go to die. Like Cher did.

  23. Which incidentally is good news for us.

    RIP Miss Dingdong

  24. Vegas is where 'stars' go to die. Sorry, it's late.

  25. Congratulations, CP! Enjoy your new prize!

    Cher can't die--she's a cyborg and she'll live forever.