Monday, September 01, 2008

Pool Party Cleanup

Just look at the state of this place!

Dedicated Garfer continues his lesson on the Physics of Floating

The party was going swimmingly (ha!“swimmingly”) until IVD and CyberPoof got into a talon-bearing, wig-pulling catfight.

IVD swung at CyberPoof with his handbag and this is the tragic result…

Do you have any idea how glitter can clog a pool drain? Well DO you???

IVD swam off with the bartender but not before doing a few laps around the pool…


IVD and CyberPete weren’t the only ladies misbehaving.

Ponygirl went wild on Daisy when she caught her messing with her man…

Kaz, Random Chick and First Nations looked on in horror…

DJ Maxi Cane passed out after getting into the poteen

Maxi was last heard singing this verse:

Be ye pagan, Christian, or Jew
Take off your coat and grease your throat
With a bucket of mountain dew.

Bollix has been going on about how he wants to get into my pants but who knew he meant it literally?...

Manuel was let go from the serving staff when it was discovered he was giving out more than his business cards…

Photo via [Old Bitter Balls]

Old Knudsen wasted no time driving Miss Daisy…

Tim showed up late with some of his cronies, angry that he wasn’t invited…

Oh no! That’s not Tim with Eroswings, is it? IVD will be SO jealous!...

Some of you couldn’t be bothered to stick around for cleanup duties. Donn, for instance, took a short walk off a long pier…

But as long as I’ve got a pic of his fine Canuck arse now, I can’t complain.

The cleaners managed to get the yogurt stains out of Tickers’ cossie…

But his headpiece is still at the shop and he refuses to do a lick of work without it…

Practically Joe has been a bad boy and will be punished accordingly…

Miss Mu Tai Dong is in no shape to help out...

Inner Voices is completely useless. He’s siphoned off my pool water into his VEE-hick-el and made his own swimming hole…

Anonymous Boxer swam off when I asked for her help on the cleanup crew…

“Pfffftttt” was her only comment.

Right. That’s the last straw. EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL!!!...

Filthy bastards. All of you.


  1. See it just takes a few to ruin it for the rest of us...geesh!

    Come by and take a peek at what I have a 'brewin' over at my place!

  2. I see IVD and the rest of the Brits are preparing for London 2012!!!

    Clearly, I need to shave and find a new barber...but who the hell are those lite weights passed out in the back?

    Bollix may have gotten your pants but it appears he didn't take your matching shoes...

    By the looks of Anonymous Boxer's pic, it would seem she just blew off--literally! Look at where those air bubbles are coming from!

  3. I've narrowed down the list of suspects in that "fecal accident"'s one of those three synchronized swimming ladies. The look on their faces clearly shows that one of them dropped the bomb! We'll find out for sure which one did it once they get of the pool, but I think we can hazard a guess...

  4. Oh deary me! What a party!

    Never doing that again.

    That can't be IDV though, you know. That boy looks 16 and IDV looks older than Madonna before she gets her makeup on.

    Loved having a perfect view of Tim and Bingowings getting it on

  5. * spits the last of CyberPetra's talons out in fury *

    Not at barman Ed Fury, I hasten to add. But he has got a lot to answer for, for luring me away from Tim and Eros, and egging 'Petra and me on in our catfight.

    Although, I'm thankful we were out of the pool during the fecal accident.

    * checks crows feet in mirror and trowels on more industrial strength, synchro-swimmers slap *

  6. I'm sure that's not a turd. Looks like a chocy bar to me. Have you tried eating it to make sure?

  7. Poteen is the granddaddy of rhohypnol alright.

    That cod piece still isn't bugling enough!

    Oh, an poteen also takes the proper bowel responsibility away from who ever shall sample it's evil nectar.

    That log may be mine!

  8. Daisy's gotta learn to keep her paws to herself....

    Now where DID that man go?

  9. What can I say ? I was just GLAD to be left out of that post !

  10. The organisation of the pool party was frankly shambolic. Not only that, standards of cleanliness were very poor. I slipped on a broken tile and twisted my ankle.

    You will be hearing from my legal representatives regarding compensation in due course.

  11. ROBYN: I went in vain searching for my morning espresso.

    Maybe you could send me a bag of coffee beans?

    EROS: Yes, take a good look at those air bubbles escaping from Anonymous Boxer and the “Pfffttt” sound effect as she swims away.

    She has “guilty” stamped all over her.

    CYBERPOOF: They can work wonders with waterproof makeup these days.

    IVD: Spitting out talons should be no problem for you with your freakishly big lolling tongue.

    TICKERS: You’re my guest.

    You eat the chocolate bar.

    No, I insist.

  12. MAXI: Perhaps you can send me a photo of your bulge.

    And all new male Infomaniac readers (that’s you) must send me a photo of their
    bare arse.

    Donn’s arse will be included on that page soon. Because he’s shy, he’s sent me a photo of his swimsuit-clad arse instead.

    But you’re not shy, are you Maxi?

    PONYGIRL: Daisy’s a slapper.

    She’s passed out somewhere right now, I’m sure.

    With your man on top of her.

    HEFF: Don’t be so sure you won’t be included in photographs yet unrevealed.

    You’re not out of the water yet.

    GARFY: An alcoholic
    Calling ME shambolic?
    That’s diabolic.

  13. Oh no ....its Manuels ghastly bedspread

  14. That's fabulous MJ but I think I'll start embracing the ridiculous trend of those huge sunglasses.

    I too will look like a giant bug for a few weeks.

  15. BEAST: I can't seem to find YOU anywhere.

    Are you hiding under Manuel's hideous bedspread?

    CYBERPOOF: Are these big enough for you?

  16. I think those are a bit too big for me.

    Who'd have thought I'd ever say that, eh?

  17. There's nothing wrong with a bit of dress up when there's a party goin on. I felt very comfortable in your undies, until I noticed that brown scorch mark in the rear. I'd bet a penny to a pound of pig shite that it was you who left the choccie log at the bottom of the pool.

    By the way, those three bathing beauties in the pool, the one at the back looks as though she has just followed through and sharted.

    I'm in no doubt that the amount of poorly tummies being emptied into the pool is a direct result of the poor hygeine throughout the house. Don't you ever clean up for chrissakes? Even the rats where wearing overalls before entering the house.

    Shame on you...

  18. CYBERPOOF: Too big for you?

    No one's falling for that.

    BOLLIX: Yer talkin' pish.

    Ye could do wae a guid wash yerself, ya clatty auld bastard.

  19. Hey, have you seen my black strappy wedge sandal?

    I threw it at IDV after he was done ripping my hair out by the bar.

  20. Am I wearing moulded plastic, flesh-coloured speedos, or has someone stolen my genitals?

  21. CYBERPOOF & TIM: Missing sandal?

    Missing genitals?

    Obviously there's a kleptomaniac on the loose!

  22. IVD: You penis-snatching sorcerer!

  23. *drives off with own pool now*


  24. I am swam sputtering pfffftt because despite the amount of Chihuahua poo I pick up on a daily basis... I do NOT pick up Pool Poo.

    Still thanks for a great time - I've spent today sobering up and knocking water out of my ears.

    Sorry about the plugged toilet. Or maybe you haven't discovered that yet?

    My bad.

  25. I'm not shy!

    I'll show you mine if you show me yours!!

  26. I am much much cheaper than that.......

  27. VOICES: Did you notice how warm the water is, by any chance?


    BOXER: It’s a rented chemical toilet.

    I’ll let the company deal with it.

    MAXI: Just do it.

    MANUEL: I don’t doubt it.

  28. No, you sound like my creepy football coach from primary school.

  29. MAXI: I thought you were going to say I sound like Yer Ma.

    Now get a move on or my cleats'll be up yer arse.

  30. You do sound like me ma, I won't do it.

    I fell for that once when a man with a ponytail promised to make me a star!

  31. oh ponygirl i was just trying to keep you from a small dicked man...there was more excitement from the fight than their would have been in HIS daisy...

  32. Oh. My. God.

    You can always tell the best pool parties by the amount of poo in the pool.

  33. sick sick fucking sick thats all I have to say.

    well it isn't really I'm sure I'll think of something else.

  34. Yes ... I've been a bad boy.
    Yes ... you have punished me accordingly.
    Yes ... I now clean pools around the neighborhood after I placed a sexy pool-boy ad in the local paper and included that pic of me with my pole.
    Yes ... that was my pool-boy signiture mark I left at the bottom of your pool.

    Bad Boy Joe's Pool Cleaning Service ... You'll Clearly See My Work!

  35. JOE: Requests for your services have already started coming in.

    Your wife will not be pleased.

  36. I would give my left nut to plow Miss Mu. Can you fix us up?

  37. MONGREL PORKSWORD: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    You will have to purchase a PELOOP first.