Wednesday, April 23, 2008

So You Wanna Be A Lesbian

Does your wardrobe consist mainly of flannel shirts and Birkenstocks?...

Do you carry a chain wallet instead of a purse? ...

Are you handy with power tools?...

Is your turkey baster in the bedroom rather than the kitchen?...

Do you dream of driving a big rig? (that’s an articulated lorry for you in the UK)...

Do you play field hockey or rugby or softball?...

Do you know the names of every openly lesbian celebrity in Hollywood?...

Rosie who?

If you answered “yes!” to any of the questions above, you may have what it takes to become a lesbian.

Still not sure if the lesbian lifestyle is for you?

Contact Infomaniac and we’ll send a lesbian ‘round to convert you.

Act now! Limited time offer!

Photo via [The Søren Knudsen “Friends of Sappho” Collection]


  1. That last pic reminds me of a Led Zeppelin song..
    "What a whole lot of Love"

  2. DONN: It reminds me more of Zep's instrumental piece, "Moby Dick".

  3. Oh Thank God you picked hockey/rugby or softball and not boxing.

    I was worried my sport is a little butch, but clearly I'm OK.


  4. Feck
    I checked the list
    I cant avoid it any longer

  5. Thank God the lezzers I know are a lot easier on the eye.

  6. Yer post makes me sound like a lesbian but I was born in the Irish sea not the middle east.

  7. The answer is No to all of those.
    I'm just a girly wimp (though Docs are a little bit butch aren't they?)

    However I do like Michelle Pfeiffer - she's georgeous.

  8. i didn't say yes to one of them...dammit...are you sure this test is correct?

    beast...little help here, mate...

  9. Frankly, MJ, lesbianism leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

  10. My husband could tick most of those boxes, but not me.


  11. Yes! Send One Round!!!!! I am standing behind my front-door waiting!

  12. how can lesbianism be a serious consideration after the glory of you-know-who?

    *still waiting stiffly*

  13. What's the use of a hockey team in which every player's on the extreme right?

    I must have told you about the time I went to a KD Lang gig...

    ("Constant shaving" as Betty says)

  14. I'm not sure which is better...the nazi shirts ('cos we all have them) or the power tools...

    Nah, it was the turkey baster.

    That's why you NEVER touch ANYTHING in the draws of a don't know where it's been or what it's been used for.

    Right T-Bird?

  15. BEAST: Don’t flatter yourself.

    You’re not that butch.

    T-BIRD: You need glasses so you WOULD say that.

    KNUDSEN: You’re more of a man hoor than a lezzer.

    KAZ: Michelle Pfeiffer?

    You and your younger women.

    I won’t tell anyone here about the time you snogged me.

    DAISY: Beast is too busy adjusting the broken strap on his high heels.

    FROBI: Kippers?

    BETTY: Really?

    I would like to hear about Geoff’s dreams of driving a big rig.

    *rummages through Geoff's Dream Blog archives*

    TONY: You live in the Lesbian Capital of England, for heaven’s sake.

    Open your window, throw a stone, and you’ll hit one.

    BITTERSWEET: You’ll have a long wait for Knudsen.

    He’s busy serving all the weemen of the world.

    In fact, he’s busy servicing Inner Voices’ girlfriend as we speak.

    GEOFF: Those Nazi field hockey players should have been posted on Hitler’s birthday, April 20th.

    Now tell me your dreams of becoming a long-distance truck driver.

    You’re full of surprises.

    DORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest lezzer on Infomaniac (aside from Beast) has spoken.

    Meet Dora. Do whatever she says and you won’t get hurt.

    And what’s this about T-Bird?

  16. Back in the 70s while I was in 'High' School people were always eager to meet Blonde Lebanese...and the bigger the chunk, the better.

  17. DONN: And Red Lebanese, her ginger sister.

  18. Huh, maybe that's why everyone is so friendly at my gym.

  19. the gas powered machine in the photo there is a vibrator... they are used for concrete walls when they are being poured... thats a bout as wicked of a vibrator as you could possibly buy.... is it yours?

  20. if only someone had told me years ago it was this simple....

  21. BOXER: Or it might have something to do with that t-shirt you’re wearing.

    VOICES: It’s not mine.

    It’s part of Maidy’s vibrator collection.

    FN: It’s as easy as cooterpie.

  22. Ewww! It's too Lesbian around here. Dora was the icing on the cake, though. I'm off to read the previous post...

  23. I just bought a pair of men's sandals because they don't make women's sandals in the kind I want. I wondered if Zellers was maybe trying to tell me something.

  24. ah, glad to know someone is using them properly! and the bottom pic has a video that goes along with it... want it? my buddy just sent it to me ff-ing gross

  25. IVD: Note that ALL your Hags are now here at Infomaniac.

    Except Tim.

    Who we believe you’re holding prisoner as a sex slave in your basement.

    DINAH: We need to talk.

    No more shopping for shoes at Zellers.

    I repeat.

    No more shopping for shoes at Zellers.

    At least they weren’t Crocs.

    *disturbed by the fact that the Crocs item was posted by me a year ago yesterday and also, like today, contains an image of Rosie O’Donnell*

    VOICES: A video from your friend?

    I do not want your sloppy seconds, thank you very much.

  26. ah... my bad. i should have known.... no second helpings for you. perhaps those ladies in the pic should take some mj lessons...

  27. I wish I was a lesbian. Women have more control over when the giggity giggity's gonna happen.

    Us guys are just grateful to get any at all.


  28. VOICES: Speaking of lessons, you're late for class.

    And you're not wearing that Catholic boys school uniform I asked you to wear.

    CONNIE: Control over giggity giggity?

    Stop whinging.

    We all know Tatas gives it up at the drop of a hat.

  29. he’s busy servicing Inner Voices’ girlfriend as we speak

    Doesn't seem too bothered does he?

  30. KNUDSEN: Voices is too busy with his dirt bike.

    Never send a boy to do a man's job.

    He should be grateful you're on top of things.

  31. To answer MJ's question:

    Sometimes Dora just likes to throw in a "Don't touch that! You don't know where it's been" as I am rummaging through her and MG's kitchen drawers for a teaspoon.

    It freaked me out the first couple of hundred times.

  32. I have eaten mousaka right on the spot where Sapho Queen of the lesbians came to a messy end.
    So there that makes me her one true succesor.
    Beast the biggest Lezza EVER

  33. But the shoes were on sale! And I only need to wear them to run out to the mail...

  34. BEAST: But did you eat it with Salad Cream?

    DINAH: There is no excuse ever for Zellers shoes.

    Wait. Is it the West Edmonton Mall?

    Then I see your point.

  35. never thought about it but it would explain a lot of my problems.....

  36. I miss the lesbo post??? How the hell did that happen?

    Speaking of lesbo, Q is pissed off at you and she states she's gonna kick in your French gurgling ass.

    I have my money on my girl. She's got huge tits. She'll knock your ass out with them.

  37. MANUEL: I have insider knowledge (Knudsen) that you've been holding "Friends of Sappho" meetings in your restaurant.

    Remember when you get to the "L's" that L is for lesbian.

    MAIDY: Is Q a big ole bull dyke?

    Or just a garden variety bi like you?

  38. She is a smokin hot, huge breasted, sexy as hell bi babe.

    And she's mine!

  39. MAIDY: Perhaps Q would like to join us in one of our legendary bitch fights.

  40. I have a feeling she'd welcome it.

  41. MAIDY: Dirty bitches.

    Both of you.