Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Gay Scene

Can you help the poor sod who wandered onto my blog through a Google search asking, “How to fit into the gay scene?


  1. Gay scene ? is that like a happy part in a film? hardly anyone is gay these days they are all bad and wicked, well I don't understand those idiot young uns so I shall just continue to be gay, no prozac for me I'm gay naturally I'll even march in a gay pride event, the Fenian hater in me likes to march.

  2. I just realised what a gay scene was, you cunts its spelled GHEY now how the fuck do ya delete these fucking comments?

  3. Keep your head down and cock out.

    That's how you fit into the gay scene.

  4. ...unless you don't have a cock. Then get your tits out and your head shaved.

    Plus take up hockey or softball
    and oh, come to this blog. Plenty of hags and fags around here.

    This is the scene!

  5. The happles wanderer chanced upon the right blog Miss MJ . With Ghey Icons like old Knudsen to mentor him/her , how could they possibly go wrong

  6. Learn all the words to Judy Garland's songs and buy some moisturiser.

  7. KNUDSEN: King Billy was a poofter.

    And you have what it takes to be a ghey Orangeman.

    *hands Knudsen a pink sash and bowler hat*

    DORA: I’m awarding you with a gay consultancy position on this blog.

    You’re here to help anyone in a position of coming out.

    Or anyone who may not be gay at all but is just a bit poofy.

    BEAST: Old Knudsen, eh?

    Kneel before the icon.

    KAZ: And a self-tanner with a sun block.

    Clang, clang, clang went the trolley,
    ding, ding, ding went the bell,
    Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings,
    from the moment I saw him I fell.

  8. I hope they didn't glean anything from Infomaniac. They'll be going out of the house stark bollock naked.

  9. I am afraid all is lost. As Van Helsing summised about Dracula they are by now already beyond redemption.
    They have become a creature of the night..vampyre..nosferatu.
    You must drive a stake through their heart and chop off their head..
    or you did say Thesbian?

  10. I well remember growing up and thinking, 'Fuck, I hope I'm not ghey'. It was quite a relief to me when I realised it was girls that made me horny!
    I am greatly relieved that so far I have never worried about being a lesbian - does that come later?

  11. GEOFF: Going out of the house stark bollock naked?

    Don’t let YOUR experience influence our guests.

    DONN: Van Helsing chased the thespians back to transsexual Transylvania whereupon he beckoned…

    “Come up to the lab,
    And see what's on the slab.”

    So, Donn, I see you shiver with antici - (3 second delay) – pation but I’ll say no more for now.

    TOM: Infomaniac regulars Beast and Convict, despite being male, are big ole lesbians.

    I hope that answers your question.

  12. I wonder what that poor sod when they arrived HERE?


    that link there will also throw a wrench into the wench.... now the Lesbians are suing the "lesbians" over the right to be called not gay!

  14. BOXER: They clicked on your link and have lost themselves in your road trip photos.

    I’m still trying to figure out what a “coffee in motion” is.

    VOICES: A big fat Greek lawsuit!

  15. I must be a rubbish gayer as I only know the words to Over the Rainbow.


    I don't want to be a lesbian!

    *cries more*

  16. CYBERPOOF: But you can sing the Kylie Minogue songbook backwards!

  17. Of course I can, everything from All I see through One Boy Girl to Made in Heaven

    I know, I'm absolutely fabulous!

  18. "One Boy Girl?"

    Too bad the same can't be said of your lover.

  19. he isn't really into girls

    thank god!

  20. It appears that wearing horizontally striped tops is a requirement for being ghey these days.

    And moaning a lot.

    And saying "yay".


  21. CYBERPOOF: Ahem. I meant too bad he isn't a one man man. Never mind.

    How's all that going anyway?

    You as the other woman and all.

    IVD: Well you've got THAT wrapped up with a bow then, haven't you?

  22. I keep playing the conniving bitch and it's working.

    Either he'll dump me or his boyfriend. He did say he is trying to get out of his relationship so in the words of IDV


  23. well, then they'd find a LOVE BOUTIQUE.

  24. CYBERPOOF: You've watched enough Dallas and Dynasty episodes to have the role of the conniving bitch down pat.

    I just hope it doesn't all end in tears.

    BOXER: Love shack out the back.

  25. * Be young

    * Be slim

    * Be worried about getting overweight

    * Wear white jeans

    * Have lots of money for alcohol and clubbing, but be otherwise poor

    * Be into dance music, but only
    remixes of 80s anthems

    * Be smart enough to know the same useless factoids as everyone else, but dumb enough to think that makes you smart

    * Be sort-of-going-out-with someone exactly like you, but not so much that you can't have it off with others

    * Treat sex as both a basic human right and as something rather naughty

    * Be good friends with your exes - except the closeted ones

    * Cruise

    * Cottage

    * If anyone asks you about cruising and cottaging, say you respect someone's right to do it, abd you don't judge, but it's not for you. While implying that it's only for ugly perverts.

    * Have floppy hair if you're a boy, shaven head if you're a girl. Gay people do not have bald patches.

    * Talk about "looking for cock" but make it clear you mean "looking for ass". All gay men say they're "versitile", all pretend to be tops, and just about all are actually bottoms. This is why they spend so much time being buggered by straight men.

    * Tell your friends you love them. Tell your lovers they're your best friend.

    * Shave your scrotum. Profess horror at those who shave everything.

    * Find rightwing politicians attractive

    * Be afraid of catching AIDS while implying HIV is so last millenium

    * Watch Doctor Who

    * Know people with eating disorders

    * Be vaguely concerned about "the environment", "the rain forest" and "the ozone layer". Make sure you don't know where these things are.

    * Know about makeup, but don't use it

    * Visit the gym three times a week, but pretend you haven't been for a month and need to go more.

    * Never call anyone a poof.

    * Be uncomfortable around drag queens because they're old fashionedly poofy.

  26. it'd be his tears if any.

    That's what I keep telling myself


  27. KAPI: Infomaniac is pleased to announce the appointment of Kapitano as Chairman of the newly instituted Gay Advisory Board.

    And it's so true about poofs all being bottoms. You act butch on the surface but the minute your bum hits the mattress you're flat on your back with your legs in the air.

    This holds especially true for IVD.

    CYBERPOOF: You and your wicked, wicked ways.

  28. I see the capable readers of MJ have helped the poor person who google searched their way onto here.

    This is becoming a regular public service blog.

  29. I've just got a very springy mattress, that's all. I can't help it if my legs fly up.


  30. And what's all this about CyberPetra's lover? have I missed something at his place?

    * rushes off only to find a bespectacled old pervert writhing around in melted icecream and covered with broken bits of chocolatey wafer *

  31. T-BIRD: We do what we can here in our effort to better humanity.

    IVD: Your limbs are permanently akimbo.

    As for CyberPetra, apparently he’s carrying on with someone who already HAS a boyfriend!

    Making CyberPetra THE OTHER WOMAN!

    You won't find it on his blog.

    He confessed all on Infomaniac.

    You heard it here first.

  32. You mean he's NOT dating the Maxibob perv?

  33. T-BIRD: He's quite the dark horse, our little CyberPetra.

    We need more details, don't you think?