Thursday, March 06, 2008

Burning Questions

Can you help these people who’ve arrived on Infomaniac via Google searches, looking for the answers to life’s burning questions?

Best British city to get a shag?

How to get a woman to "sit on your face"?

Name of phobia of loo roll?

If you know the answer to any of the above questions, please do mankind a favour and leave your answer in the comments box.

The world thanks you.


  1. Yay I am first
    2.Pay them (see answer to no 1)

  2. What happened to your blogging spouse , or did you just make that offer to get sex ??

  3. Whatever city I'm in.

    Have a big nose.



  4. Best British city to get a shag? Any cityy that Piggy is in. Lawd knows that is one prostitute that will do anything for the LOWEST price.

    Did someone say one US penny?! Ok, you get a lap dance and a nudey show!

    How to get a woman to "sit on your face"? Tell her your mouth is paying out the lottery and to cash in she has to squat.

    Name of phobia of loo roll? HUH!? No clue, but then again, one too many martinis has caused me to not be able to think straight.

  5. Merthyr Tydfil is offically the easiest place to get a shag. It's certainly backed up anecdotally.

    Face sitting. Just ask. I once tried cutting out a Tickers shaped recess in the settee but it wasn't worth the effort.

    I don't know the loo roll phobia but it does pose certain questions.

  6. Now I've got a phobia.

    Look back to Sunday November 12, 2006

  7. I can tell you the worst place in th UK to get a shag: Norwich.


  8. 1. if northern ireland counts (as it is the UK) Ballymena

    2. ask to guess her weight and this is the only way

    3. dirtybumaphobia

  9. BEAST: Why Grimsby? Did you get lucky there?

    Or (seeing answer #2) did it cost you? If so, how much? I’ve heard you’re tight-fisted.

    As for my blogging spouse, all will be revealed in time. He’s still breaking in his harness. It’s causing a bit of chafing in his wobbly bits.

    KNUDSEN: I’d almost forgotten your former career as a muff diver off the cliffs of Killamory.

    Is it true you can hold your breath for six minutes?

    AWA: Are you still giving lap dances for pocket change?

    TICKERS: I Googled Merthyr Tydfil to find that it’s also named as the most unhealthy place in the UK and was once declared the third worst place to live in Britain.

    So being the easiest place to get a shag should make up for it.

    Do they put that on the tourist brochures?

    TATAS: Good girl, using Infomaniac as your reference source.

    Plenty of info there on fears of the toilet itself but where does it give the name of the bog roll phobia?

    Get back to your studies. I want an answer by sunset.

    IVD: I hear that if you go down to the docks ‘round midnight, there’s a witch with a warty wand who’ll work magic.

    DAISY: Your phone number is on the locker room wall of Ballymena RFC.

  10. #1 I don't know about Shags, but thanks to Amy Winehouse you can get the most fabulous Pooffant in the Southgate area of Enfield, London.

    #2 Tequila

    #3 Asscracknaphobia

  11. Oh well, I sent a comment before which disappeared into the ether, but ...

    1. Cardiff.

    2. Pretend to be a chair.

    3. Izalphobia.

  12. LORD T: Tequila was responsible for my falling onto a man on the bus recently.

    Though not onto his face, unfortunately.

    BETTY: Please expand on your choice of Cardiff.

    That’s the second mention of a Welsh town.

    I had to Google “Izal” as I haven’t seen it here.

    “Medicated strong toilet tissue?”

    Why not reach into your toolbox for the sandpaper instead?

  13. MJ , the locals in Grimsby will do anything for a bag of chips(thats propper English Chips not crisps that you lot call chips).

  14. Izal is the worst toilet paper EVER its like very shiny greaseproof paper....betteroff using your sleeve

  15. Cardiff? The Welsh are very passionate people ... who are fond of a drink or two ... and they're surrounded by sheep and coalmines that have been shut down, so there's nothing else to do there.

    Don't quote me on it.

  16. BEAST: Would you do it for a bag of Cheezy Wotsits?

    Let's haggle.

    I use Piggy's sleeve.

    BETTY: The Welsh are as resourceful as they are passionate as they're also known for recycling sheep poo into paper.

  17. I thought it would be Milton Keynes or whatever it's called.

    I wouldn't want any woman sitting on my face and I wouldn't know what that phobia is called. I like a clean tusch.

  18. 1. do people still do that there? huh, i thought they all were clones at this point.

    2. say... "who wants to go mustache ride?"

    3. perhaps they also suffer from Defecaloesiophobia. or perhaps they might suffer from Francophobia, isnt "loo paper" what they call it there? perhaps this might be another explaination of why they are searching for that, Kathisophobia? no? sorry but the closest i could find was this... Papyrophobia.

    and could someone tell ME what the fuck a walloon is? because i also found this... Walloonphobia.

  19. CYBERHO: Is Milton Keynes where you vacation?

    VOICES: Fear of Walloons? The French-speaking inhabitants of Belgium? i.e. the non-Flemish speakers?

    I'd be more likely to fear the Flemish as the word reminds me of well... phlegm.

    But I'll try to remain phlegmatic.

  20. being american is bliss... wait thats not how that goes is it? i'll remember, gimmie a minute...
    *paces back and forth mumbling*
    anyway it was something about bliss and ignorance...

    walloons? who would of thought. i suppose i'd still rather be a walloonian then a newfy.. huh...

  21. No no, I vacation in Russell Square, which is a lovely place in London.

    Fabulous hotel and lovely well square

  22. VOICES: Didn't I see something on your blog about you being part Canuck?

    CYBERHO: They have THIS to say about Russell Square in Wikipedia...

    "The square is now locked at night to prevent what London Borough of Camden described as "other undesirables", a cloaked reference to gay men, who used the area to cruise for casual sex."

    That would explain why you choose Russell Square as your tourist destination.

  23. yes but not the newfoundland area... close, but no....

  24. VOICES: Happy Valley?

    Goose Bay?

    Cape Breton?

    Skinner's Pond?

  25. well no, not exactly... mum was born in niagra falls. she then moved around abunch from there... my grandfather was a boat builder from halifax.(so he drank alot.)grandma was was a mutt. so im part mi'kmaq indian. (which means i drink alot) so as far as i can tell all those drinking people somehow must have hung out next to the fuckin newfys... i think they lived in a port town called gasp while my gramps built a boat that they sailed to the bahamas, where mum was wooed by my father at the ripe old age of seventeen? but thats a best guess...

    like you wanted to know all that shit eh? id best learn to keep my howler shut.

  26. VOICES: Well that explains your penchant for pissing all over your buddies kitchen, all over everything, even in the fridge. And then in the corner of your room.

    Yes, I've been reading 101 zack facks.

  27. FUCKING BLOGGER JUST ERASED MY COMMENT... so nevermind, glad your onto the 101 zack facks!

  28. 3. Diswhipplement

    2. The Hemmingway Method i.e. 'Woman, sit on face, make fire; bring food'

    1. Greater Sweatynggon-Gussette

  29. VOICES: It’s fascinating.

    I had no idea you used to be Knudsen’s house boy.

    FN: Ah yes, Greater Sweatynggon-Gussette.

    They’ve twinned that city with Metropolitan Moist Guntiesgogogoch.

  30. I know MJ

    your point being....?