Saturday, April 10, 2021

Handbag Hygiene

Bitches, stop placing your handbags on the floor. 

Bathroom floors, particularly those in public spaces are notoriously germ-ridden. Think of the bodily fluids lurking there. Harmful bacteria can transfer from the floor to your purse and then to you. 

Hang your handbag on the door handle instead. If no door handle is available, hang the bag around your neck. Yes, I've done this, and then complained to management about the lack of door handles in the restroom stalls. 

It's not just bodily fluids that are lurking in the stalls so double-wrap the handbag handle around the door handle to deter purse snatchers who may try to reach over from the neighbouring stall and steal it.

If germs aren't enough to convince you to hang up your handbag, consider this: my friend's purse was stolen while she was on the loo. She had set her handbag on the floor. Someone in the next stall simply reached under and grabbed it. You Bitches can get your knickers down in record time but nobody can get their pants up quickly enough to catch a purse-snatcher.

Once you've arrived home, avoid setting your handbag on a kitchen counter or dining room table or bed where the bacteria may once again transfer.

It's not just the bottom of your bag that's a concern. Studies have found that the dirtiest part of the bag is the handle—it carries more bacteria than the average toilet seat!

And that shopping cart in the photo? Shopping carts have been found to contain saliva, bacteria and even fecal matter.

Your opinions and suggestions are welcome.

28 comments:

  1. Though an important bulletin regarding purses, you might want to stop putting your chip chop on the floor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NORMA: Where am I going to put it?

      In my handbag?

      Delete
    2. Not a problem, if your bag's
      a Vuitton steamer trunk.

      Delete
  2. The question is: Why are you* in a public space in the first place? Nevermind somewhere as grimy and germ-ridden as a shared bathroom. A good dose of e-coli or dysentery will make you think twice about venturing out again. A stolen handbag will be the least of your worries.

    Another question: Why has that woman got a castor hanging out of her quince?


    * Not you, Very Mistress, obviously. I mean all the proles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MR. DeVICE: Why has that woman got a castor hanging out of her quince?

      She’s obviously “off her trolley!”

      Delete
    2. As I explained here, Norma, Quince is "an affectionate term for Moom's ladybits that has got away from me slightly".

      Delete
    3. It is also a pear like fruit that makes an ideal chicken leg substitute for vegans.

      Delete
  3. A large shopping bag or holdall on the floor is very useful to stand in in order to have sex without anyone outside seeing two pairs of feet under the door. Just don't pick it up afterwards then put it on your lap when on the bus. Jx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely true. Always make sure and carry a sturdy tote with you for those impromptu bathroom hijinx.

      Delete
  4. A timely piece of advice for those who keep anticipating "returning to normal", whatever that is.

    This bitch however carries no purse. This bitch is a MacGyver at making pockets seem positively endless. My Japanese friends used to refer to me as a sexy Doraemon. Doraemon is a cartoon cat who can pull just about anything out of his pockets. Here I found you a pic of a sexy male Doraemon cosplayer: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/672/253/d6f.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yep, wot Mels said. Pockets. I have stopped using a bag and now only buy coats and jackets with inside pockets. At a push I will use a bum bag [fanny pack?], anything rather than carrying something that will pick up extra germs.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Considering the things I have gotten up to (and in to) in toilets, I think worrying about getting my various bits in whatever biohazard was lurking on the floor should have been my first concern. But it wasn't.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is it my imagination or does she have a wheel in her butt? Must make squatting easier.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Never thought of Mitzi as dedicated quince eater ("Tastes like chicken") ... maybe a result of the pandemic.

    Mayv´be this is the Koenigin mit Raedern unten dran they were singing about in the Eighties ...

    ReplyDelete
  9. [unrelaed, sorry]

    Our old friend, the polka-dot-lady, has a major exhibition in Berlin,there are online resourches.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sad to see that Petra did no Oscar review this year. There were even golden crocs on the pink carpet ...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I own a Coach bag (yes, really) and it never touches the floor. The bag is worth more than what's in it! (Like my handy tote. And my patented Mago call. It's like a duck call, only it sounds like someone eating potato chips in the next room.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I'd get that fucking recording tool to work I'd crunch happily away with tons of potatoe chips just to please yer ears "Steve" - think I must turn towards something web based ... you crunchy little critter you *mwah*

      Delete
    2. OOO I love it when you talk Franconian to me!!!!! XXXXOOO

      Delete
  12. The Mistress will be busy with a project for several days so she won't be visiting blogs or responding to your email.

    The Mistress will return soon.

    Stay well, Bitches.

    ReplyDelete
  13. B where are you??? If your ass ain't rested by now then I suggest amphetamines because Jeezly Christmas already, fuckin' post something. AMUSE US. Get back in the saddle agin. Or however you Canadians type, ya buncha mutants.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thinking about it while dozing on and off.

    ReplyDelete