Friday, March 25, 2016

Let's Talk Colonoscopies

In celebration of Infomaniac's 10th anniversary, The Infomaniac Medical Clinic encourages those of you age 50 or older and those of you with a family history of colon cancer, to get a colonoscopy. After all, March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month.

The Mistress, who has a history of colon cancer in her family, gets a colonoscopy every five years. Those of you who are low risk can generally wait 10 years between colonoscopies.

Our Mr. Peenee had a colonoscopy earlier this week. Had I known, we could have snagged the "two for one" special...

Many people with colon cancer experience no symptoms in the early stages of the disease. And that's why it's so important to be screened. Screening can save your life.

A colonoscopy is an examination of the colon using a long, flexible, slender tube attached to a video camera and monitor to view your entire colon and rectum. If any suspicious areas are found, your doctor can pass surgical tools through the tube to take tissue samples (biopsies) for analysis.

You may elect to have sedatives or anesthesia during the procedure. You might feel nothing at all during the procedure. Or you may feel a bit of discomfort or cramping. During The Mistress's most recent colonoscopy, she didn't feel a thing. However, she "came to" early during a previous colonoscopy and felt some rather annoying cramping. Considering her experiences with satanic cramps from hell, colonoscopy cramping was nothing in comparison.

The worst part of the colonoscopy isn't the procedure; it's the preparation. You'll have to change your diet and clean out your bowel. Your doctor won't be able to see your colon clearly if you do not follow the diet and bowel prep. The colonoscopy itself is a "walk in the park" compared to the prep.


You may need to follow a clear liquid diet for 1 to 3 days before the procedure and avoid drinks that contain red or purple dye. The instructions will provide specific direction about when to start and stop the clear liquid diet. In most cases, you may drink or eat the following:

- Fat-free bouillon or broth
- Strained fruit juice, such as apple or white grape (not purple grape) —doctors recommend avoiding orange juice
- Water
- Plain coffee or tea, without cream or milk
- Sports drinks (e.g. Gatorade) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange
- Ginger ale
- Gelatin (Jell-O) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange. DON'T EAT THE RED OR PURPLE JELLO!

You must follow the directions for a bowel prep before the procedure. The bowel prep will cause diarrhea, so stay close to a bathroom. The Infomaniac Medical Clinic advises you to stay home the day before the procedure.

Different bowel preps may contain different combinations of laxatives, pills that you swallow or powders that you dissolve in water and other clear liquids. Some people will need to drink a large amount, often a gallon, of liquid laxative over a scheduled amount of time—most often the night before the procedure. In The Mistress's opinion, this part of the bowel prep is difficult. It is, however, very important. Your doctor will not be able to see your colon clearly if the prep is incomplete.

Following the colonoscopy, you may have abdominal cramping or bloating during the first hour after the procedure. You may also fart up a storm.

You should expect a full recovery by the next day, and you should be able to go back to your normal diet. Hooray! Then you can wait another 10 years for your next colonoscopy unless the doctor suggests otherwise.

Well, what are you waiting for? Book an appointment with your family doctor to arrange for a colonoscopy. If Mr. Peenee and The Mistress AND even Norma can do it, you can too.

For more information about colonoscopy, click here.

Disclaimer: The medical information provided at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic is of a general nature and cannot substitute for the advice of a medical professional (for instance, a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist/chemist, and so on). The Mistress is not a doctor.


  1. Yes indeed, far and away the worst part of it is the prep. The day before: drinking about four liters of yucky-tasting stuff and hanging out close by the toilet. The day of is easy: a little trip to la-la land, then it's over.

    That said, do it per doctor's recommendation!

  2. like i don't think about my ass enough....

  3. Just had one last week!

    While the prep is legendary, the procedure is SO worth it. Don't put it off.

  4. Yes, it's a revolting drink. Like warm beer with a weird taste, but please, do as Mistress advises.

  5. The prep is awful the anesthesia divine.

  6. I had mine, it didn't hurt at all....except for the camera in the mouth for the stomac and....the drink . Oh là là mes enfants !
    I'M ok for 10 years now.

  7. I just looked at the NHS site.... things seem to be different here and colonoscopy for the over 55's was only introduced last year.... and then some sort of DIY kit system for the over 60's. Oh well, something else to look forward too!

  8. "... pills that you swallow or powders that you dissolve in [...] clear liquids [...] often a gallon of liquid [...] the night before the procedure."

    Vodka IS a clear liquid, right ?

  9. The prep is so nasty and the effect so unpleasant, I would rather just stick a hose up my ass and wash it out for them, but nobody offered that solution.

    I demanded the anesthesiologist knock me out. "One step short of zombie" was my specific request and he came through.

    1. i've done something similar to that (hose up the ass) though not specifically for the procedure. i thought it would be a revelation;
      it was not.

  10. Its great to be safe. I too get colonoscopy, but I get them every five days.

  11. Miss Scarlet mentions a DIY kit.

    It’s recommended people aged 50-75 or those with a family history of colon cancer take a stool guaiac test or Fecal Occult Blood Test every 2 years.

    You do the test at home, using a testing kit.

    The kit is a simple way for you to collect small samples of your poo.

    You wipe the sample on a special card, which you then send for testing in a hygienically sealed, prepaid envelope.


    1. My doctor recommends the FOBT since there is no colon cancer history in my family. I do feel strange putting the samples in the mail though.

  12. There's a very odd smell in here today. Jx

  13. Just like enduring campaigns during election season to ensure democracy survives another few years, so is a colonoscopy a small price to pay to live longer days. Though I do wish there was a bowel prep to clear the out the really crappy candidates running for office.

    Here's to healthy colons & good health to everyone! Cheers!

    Serves up clear liquids to everyone.