Are you planning a New Year's Eve party?
[image via]
On behalf of your fellow human beings throughout the entire world, please DON'T.
This has been a public health message from the Infomaniac Medical Clinic.
Showing posts with label Infomaniac Medical Clinic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infomaniac Medical Clinic. Show all posts
Monday, December 27, 2021
New Year's Eve Parties
Thursday, May 14, 2020
Handshaking
Experts agree that handshaking needs to stop; not just during the current pandemic but forever more.
Dr. Anthony Fauci says, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again, to be honest with you. Not only would it be good to prevent coronavirus disease, it probably would decrease instances of influenza dramatically in this country.”
We here at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic have long avoided shaking hands whenever possible as we view human beings as walking petri dishes.
Where do you Bitches stand on handshaking? Do you shake? Will you continue to shake when this blows over?
And what do you do when someone extends their hand and you want to decline a handshake?
Dr. Anthony Fauci says, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again, to be honest with you. Not only would it be good to prevent coronavirus disease, it probably would decrease instances of influenza dramatically in this country.”
We here at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic have long avoided shaking hands whenever possible as we view human beings as walking petri dishes.
Where do you Bitches stand on handshaking? Do you shake? Will you continue to shake when this blows over?
And what do you do when someone extends their hand and you want to decline a handshake?
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
New Product
The Infomaniac House of Beauty and the Infomaniac Medical Clinic combine to bring you a product for our times, seen here modelled by Miss Scarlet...
Before we can market it to the masses, it needs a name. It also needs a promotional blurb; something that will convince the public to buy it.
Suggestions?
Before we can market it to the masses, it needs a name. It also needs a promotional blurb; something that will convince the public to buy it.
Suggestions?
Friday, January 05, 2018
Filthy Friday - Foot Care Edition
Custom foot orthotics...
[via]
Are they right for you?
Book an appointment with our podiatrist/chiropodist at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Scrotox
Are you tired of wrinkly, sweaty balls?
Botox in your scrotum = Scrotox.
Men looking to make their testicles appear larger as well as decrease sweating and wrinkling in the area are shelling out between $1,500 and $3,000 for botulism toxin injections done directly into the skin of the scrotum. As with all Botox, effects last for three to six months.
Now available at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic.
Botox in your scrotum = Scrotox.
Men looking to make their testicles appear larger as well as decrease sweating and wrinkling in the area are shelling out between $1,500 and $3,000 for botulism toxin injections done directly into the skin of the scrotum. As with all Botox, effects last for three to six months.
Now available at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Friday, March 25, 2016
Let's Talk Colonoscopies
In celebration of Infomaniac's 10th anniversary, The Infomaniac Medical Clinic encourages those of you age 50 or older and those of you with a family history of colon cancer, to get a colonoscopy. After all, March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month.
The Mistress, who has a history of colon cancer in her family, gets a colonoscopy every five years. Those of you who are low risk can generally wait 10 years between colonoscopies.
Our Mr. Peenee had a colonoscopy earlier this week. Had I known, we could have snagged the "two for one" special...
Many people with colon cancer experience no symptoms in the early stages of the disease. And that's why it's so important to be screened. Screening can save your life.
A colonoscopy is an examination of the colon using a long, flexible, slender tube attached to a video camera and monitor to view your entire colon and rectum. If any suspicious areas are found, your doctor can pass surgical tools through the tube to take tissue samples (biopsies) for analysis.
You may elect to have sedatives or anesthesia during the procedure. You might feel nothing at all during the procedure. Or you may feel a bit of discomfort or cramping. During The Mistress's most recent colonoscopy, she didn't feel a thing. However, she "came to" early during a previous colonoscopy and felt some rather annoying cramping. Considering her experiences with satanic cramps from hell, colonoscopy cramping was nothing in comparison.
The worst part of the colonoscopy isn't the procedure; it's the preparation. You'll have to change your diet and clean out your bowel. Your doctor won't be able to see your colon clearly if you do not follow the diet and bowel prep. The colonoscopy itself is a "walk in the park" compared to the prep.
DON'T DRINK THE PURPLE KOOL-AID!
You may need to follow a clear liquid diet for 1 to 3 days before the procedure and avoid drinks that contain red or purple dye. The instructions will provide specific direction about when to start and stop the clear liquid diet. In most cases, you may drink or eat the following:
- Fat-free bouillon or broth
- Strained fruit juice, such as apple or white grape (not purple grape) —doctors recommend avoiding orange juice
- Water
- Plain coffee or tea, without cream or milk
- Sports drinks (e.g. Gatorade) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange
- Ginger ale
- Gelatin (Jell-O) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange. DON'T EAT THE RED OR PURPLE JELLO!
You must follow the directions for a bowel prep before the procedure. The bowel prep will cause diarrhea, so stay close to a bathroom. The Infomaniac Medical Clinic advises you to stay home the day before the procedure.
Different bowel preps may contain different combinations of laxatives, pills that you swallow or powders that you dissolve in water and other clear liquids. Some people will need to drink a large amount, often a gallon, of liquid laxative over a scheduled amount of time—most often the night before the procedure. In The Mistress's opinion, this part of the bowel prep is difficult. It is, however, very important. Your doctor will not be able to see your colon clearly if the prep is incomplete.
Following the colonoscopy, you may have abdominal cramping or bloating during the first hour after the procedure. You may also fart up a storm.
You should expect a full recovery by the next day, and you should be able to go back to your normal diet. Hooray! Then you can wait another 10 years for your next colonoscopy unless the doctor suggests otherwise.
Well, what are you waiting for? Book an appointment with your family doctor to arrange for a colonoscopy. If Mr. Peenee and The Mistress AND even Norma can do it, you can too.
For more information about colonoscopy, click here.
Disclaimer: The medical information provided at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic is of a general nature and cannot substitute for the advice of a medical professional (for instance, a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist/chemist, and so on). The Mistress is not a doctor.
The Mistress, who has a history of colon cancer in her family, gets a colonoscopy every five years. Those of you who are low risk can generally wait 10 years between colonoscopies.
Our Mr. Peenee had a colonoscopy earlier this week. Had I known, we could have snagged the "two for one" special...
Many people with colon cancer experience no symptoms in the early stages of the disease. And that's why it's so important to be screened. Screening can save your life.
A colonoscopy is an examination of the colon using a long, flexible, slender tube attached to a video camera and monitor to view your entire colon and rectum. If any suspicious areas are found, your doctor can pass surgical tools through the tube to take tissue samples (biopsies) for analysis.
You may elect to have sedatives or anesthesia during the procedure. You might feel nothing at all during the procedure. Or you may feel a bit of discomfort or cramping. During The Mistress's most recent colonoscopy, she didn't feel a thing. However, she "came to" early during a previous colonoscopy and felt some rather annoying cramping. Considering her experiences with satanic cramps from hell, colonoscopy cramping was nothing in comparison.
The worst part of the colonoscopy isn't the procedure; it's the preparation. You'll have to change your diet and clean out your bowel. Your doctor won't be able to see your colon clearly if you do not follow the diet and bowel prep. The colonoscopy itself is a "walk in the park" compared to the prep.
DON'T DRINK THE PURPLE KOOL-AID!
You may need to follow a clear liquid diet for 1 to 3 days before the procedure and avoid drinks that contain red or purple dye. The instructions will provide specific direction about when to start and stop the clear liquid diet. In most cases, you may drink or eat the following:
- Fat-free bouillon or broth
- Strained fruit juice, such as apple or white grape (not purple grape) —doctors recommend avoiding orange juice
- Water
- Plain coffee or tea, without cream or milk
- Sports drinks (e.g. Gatorade) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange
- Ginger ale
- Gelatin (Jell-O) in flavors such as lemon, lime, or orange. DON'T EAT THE RED OR PURPLE JELLO!
You must follow the directions for a bowel prep before the procedure. The bowel prep will cause diarrhea, so stay close to a bathroom. The Infomaniac Medical Clinic advises you to stay home the day before the procedure.
Different bowel preps may contain different combinations of laxatives, pills that you swallow or powders that you dissolve in water and other clear liquids. Some people will need to drink a large amount, often a gallon, of liquid laxative over a scheduled amount of time—most often the night before the procedure. In The Mistress's opinion, this part of the bowel prep is difficult. It is, however, very important. Your doctor will not be able to see your colon clearly if the prep is incomplete.
Following the colonoscopy, you may have abdominal cramping or bloating during the first hour after the procedure. You may also fart up a storm.
You should expect a full recovery by the next day, and you should be able to go back to your normal diet. Hooray! Then you can wait another 10 years for your next colonoscopy unless the doctor suggests otherwise.
Well, what are you waiting for? Book an appointment with your family doctor to arrange for a colonoscopy. If Mr. Peenee and The Mistress AND even Norma can do it, you can too.
For more information about colonoscopy, click here.
Disclaimer: The medical information provided at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic is of a general nature and cannot substitute for the advice of a medical professional (for instance, a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist/chemist, and so on). The Mistress is not a doctor.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Dila-Therm
Now in use at the Infomaniac Medical Clinic and available through the Infomaniac Shopping Network...
[thanks, Topher!]
Find welcome relief through the gentle vibration, adjustable infra-red heat, and dilation provided by the DILA-THERM.
[thanks, Topher!]
Find welcome relief through the gentle vibration, adjustable infra-red heat, and dilation provided by the DILA-THERM.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Indisposed
Mistress MJ continues to be indisposed.
It is possible she may require medical intervention.
It is possible she may require medical intervention.
Monday, May 12, 2014
International Nurses Day
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
Broken Down Bitches
Norma’s got dry socket and Cookie’s feeling phlegmish.
How are the rest of you Bitches doing?
Does Mistress MJ need to send you to the Infomaniac Medical Clinic?
How are the rest of you Bitches doing?
Does Mistress MJ need to send you to the Infomaniac Medical Clinic?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
It Must Have Been a Bad Weenie
Mistress MJ will return when she’s feeling better.
As you can see, even the stripe has gone out of my tights.
In the meantime, please seek your entertainment elsewhere.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Recto Rotor
The RECTO ROTOR is the only device that reaches the vital spot effectively.
[via]
There’s one for ladies too!...
There’s one for ladies too!...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A Case of the Vapors
Monday, November 21, 2011
Junk in the Trunk
You too can achieve this “ghetto booty” look simply by injecting a mixture of "cement, 'Fix-a-Flat,' mineral oil and super glue" into your arse…
Oneal Ron Morris, a fake doctor in Florida, has been arrested for allegedly giving women bad buttock injections.
“Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. It was unknown whether she has an attorney.”
If you want a bigger booty, the Infomaniac Medical Clinic recommends just eating a lot of ice cream rather than injecting your arse full of poison.
Read more here.
Oneal Ron Morris, a fake doctor in Florida, has been arrested for allegedly giving women bad buttock injections.
“Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. It was unknown whether she has an attorney.”
If you want a bigger booty, the Infomaniac Medical Clinic recommends just eating a lot of ice cream rather than injecting your arse full of poison.
Read more here.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
The Infomaniac Medical Clinic
The long-awaited Infomaniac Medical Clinic opens its doors today.
[via]
Our head nurse is expecting you.
Our head nurse is expecting you.
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