It's time to remove your blindfolds as we reveal our surprise MYSTERY GUEST!
Our special
GUEST BLOGGER (Infomaniac's first guest blogger ever!) is our
MITZI from England. Mitzi has written a shocking, tell-all account of her trip to The Royal Albion Hotel, situated on the South coast of England in Brighton.
Take it away, Mitzi!
The Royal Albion Hotel Brighton
The
Royal Albion Hotel is a Regency style hotel.
It
looks magnificent and if you squint, really squint, you could almost mistake it for Buckingham Palace...
The Royal Albion Hotel Brighton: THE REALITY
After a staggering eight an half hour journey, we finally arrived at the Royal Albion hotel.
Reception area all fur coat and no knickers.
We were greeted by a cat in the hallway doing something unmentionable with it’s tongue, to it’s nether regions. When our coach party had gathered together at the reception area, we were given a brief talking to by the receptionist, about meal times etc. She looked like a walking tomb and as old as Methuselah. She had two front teeth missing which made it difficult for any of us to understand a word she was saying.
This way
As she handed out our key, I asked her what time breakfast was. I wished I hadn’t because she had halitosis that could have stripped paint.
Room with a view
Later, as I was inspecting the room, I thought back about the cat I saw earlier on and realised that the poor beast was only making an effort to clean itself, which is something the staff at the Royal Albion failed to do to our room.
Would you park your arse on that?
I sat down gingerly on the bed and looked around at the dismal surroundings. The walls were stark and bare.
The carpet was old, threadbare, covered in stains and hadn’t seen a Hoover
since ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest with Waterloo.
Meg Mortimer sees a stain on the carpet.
There was not a piece of gold or velvet to be seen. I shuddered at the lack of opulence around me. Carmen (my maid) sat on her bed and began to laugh. Then I began to laugh. We laughed until our sides ached. The hilarity helped to hide the fact that we were staying in
a complete and utter shithole.
The tea making facilities were barely adequate. Two coffee sachets, two tea-bags, four sachets of sugar and four mini UHT milk cartons. No biscuits!
Breakfast was a grim affair. We had to share a table with a couple of strangers! Can you imagine that? An old couple from Leeds. Their table manners left a lot to be desired. They both licked their knives and, horror of horrors, the man leant over on one buttock to let a noise escape saying, ‘better out, then in.’ I left after that, gave them both a withering look and never returned to the dining room for the duration of the holiday; choosing instead, to eat out.
I put all my complaints into the customer feedback book, and added that the black mold spores growing on the window were a nice touch, but the skid mark on the towel was revolting!
The only good thing about the Royal Albion hotel was leaving it.
Note from Mistress MJ: Thank you, GUEST BLOGGER Mitzi, for this informative hotel review.
We hope one day to read another installment of "In Bed (And Breakfast) With Mitzi."... a must-read for the discerning traveller.
Photos of the hotel via TripAdvisor.
