Beauty Pageant: Most Alluring Arse

Note: Scroll down to see new pics of Infomaniac Bitches' arses as they come in. Don’t be shy. Send us a photo of your glorious arse.

Infomaniac is taking a few days off. And yes, part of the time off will involve writing the “Definitive History of the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts” which will be followed up a.s.a.p. by the actual Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.

But now on to a competition of a different sort…

Below are pics of three Infomaniac readers’ arses. Tell us which one you think is the most alluring arse. There’s no prize in this except the thrill of ogling their beauteous buttocks. And perhaps they’ll let you fondle their delightful derrieres if you ask nicely.


Piggy’s arse…





Old Knudsen’s arse…





Tickers’ arse…




If you think your arse is more appealing than the selection here, please email a pic and I’ll include it.

Bye bye, bitches. I’ll be back on Thursday or Friday.


UPDATE: The competition stiffens as our Alasdair from Canada's Northwest Territories contributes this pic of his arse for the “Alluring Arse” competition…





UPDATE: The Canucks are quickly gaining in the competition as they wipe up the rear. Here’s Winnipeg’s WW strutting his stuff…




UPDATE: The Canucks catch up to the Brits (3 and 3) with this pic of our Spikey from Toronto. Spikey’s too shy to bare all but we’ve caught him spending a penny so points for that, at least…




UPDATE: It’s a tiebreaker as British ex-pat in Los Angeles, Eddie Waring, bares his hairy arse…




UPDATE: The Brits take the lead as Tony burns up the rear with his beautiful blushing arse. Mmm .. peachy…




UPDATE (Oct.07): Tazzy’s beautiful botty...




Let's have a rimshot for Rimshot!...




UPDATE (Jan.08): Mutley's arse...




UPDATE (Feb.08): Manuel's heroic arse. The arse that saved Infomaniac!...





UPDATE (Feb.08): Old Knudsen's arse post liver spot bleaching...




Beast's Arse (with trousers)...




Beast's bare botty...





UPDATE (Nov.08): Donn’s delightful derriere…





UPDATE (Nov.08): The famtastic FamulARSE of Famulus…





UPDATE: (Dec. ’08): Another beautiful British arse from Hardhouse…





UPDATE: (April 2009): The bouncy British bottom of Dr. Maroon…





UPDATE: (April 2009): Proof that it’s hot hot hot in Florida!

Mean Dirty Pirate’s arse of perfection…





UPDATE: (May 2009) Why are Canadian men so shy about taking their pants off?

Here’s Kevin, a picture of modesty in Manties from Toronto, Ontario, Canada…




UPDATE: (May 2009) Due to peer pressure, Kevin succumbed and submitted a photo of his bare bottom…





UPDATE: (May 2009) All the way from New Zealand, it’s Damien’s arse!...





UPDATE: (May 2009) From Fresno, California, the sun shines out of Mikey’s arse!...





UPDATE: (August 2009): The bewitching buttchops of San Francisco’s Mr. Peenee …


The only picture I can find of my ass has a portion of it concealed (barely) in a Merry Widow, but there is at least a glimpse of buttchop. For those interested in fashion details, the seat was covered in black marabou.


UPDATE: (January 2010): The heavenly heiny of Kabuki Zero …




UPDATE: (June 2010): The beauteous glutes of Chicago’s Michael Guy…






UPDATE: (November 2011): Montreal's DEEP BLUE JON shows off his leather-clad derrière...

UPDATE: (January 2012): Topher’s tush in Naples, Florida…

UPDATE: (January 2012): An Aussie bum! ... Princess’s posterior…

UPDATE: (January 2012): DRUM ROLL, PLEASE!

Announcing Infomaniac’s FIRST female bare bottom…NURSEMYRA!...

UPDATE: (June 2013): HAYWARD and his "Snackable" arse from Illinois!...

A Briton Walks Into a Pub

How do you tell an Englishman from a Scotsman from a Welshman from an Irishman?

No, this isn't a joke.



Who's who?



In yet another attempt to enlighten this ignorant Canuck, I'm asking you citizens of the British Isles (and Kav) if you can tell who's who just by looking at each other. How do you tell each other apart? Can you look at a Scot and know he’s/she’s a Scot on sight? Or English? Or Welsh? Or Irish?

Your nationalities are obvious when you open your big gobs to speak but what about physical appearance? Facial features? Mannerisms? Style of dress?

As for the Canucks and Americans, can WE tell each other apart by appearance?




All Canadians look like this. Wearing “toques” (knitted winter hats) on our heads and equipped with a case of “two-four.” A “two-four” is a box of 24 beer bottles, dontcha know.



And what about regional differences?



Typical Yorkshireman?



Does a Yorkshireman look different than someone from Dorset, for example?




Dorset Mong. Don’t let the cap tell you otherwise.



Over to you, bitches.

British Venn Diagram

I sometimes pause when trying to sort you lot from “over the pond.” Usually it’s not an issue but once I’ve had a jar or two, then the fun begins.

You’ve got your British Isles, your United Kingdom, and your Great Britain.

The British Isles = England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

The United Kingdom = England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

Great Britain = England, Scotland and Wales.

It’s enough to confuse an ignorant Canuck.

Let’s not even consider the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands.

Lucky for me and my fellow Canuckleheads, there’s the handy Great British Venn Diagram to make sense of it all.

And who gets called what within these groupings? Would I get a thumping for calling a Scot a Brit, for instance?

TOXIC TOTTY: Corrie’s Gail Platt

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac: Toxic Totty.

From time to time, Infomaniac will post images of celebrities who should have kept their clothes ON. Or, if not in a state of undress, should reconsider their fashion options.

Infomaniac is in no way, shape or form a celebrity blog as you well know. Toxic Totty will be an occasional diversion. To view fine celebrity blogs visit our Pru at Prunella de Ville, D.Prince at Bulletproof Bracelets and Maddie at Ridicluelessness.

Now let’s get ready to slag off our first bit of Toxic Totty. Today it’s a British soap star.

I know you’re out there… you buncha closet Coronation Street fans.






In my magic mirror I see Frobi, Tazzy, Piggy (though he won’t admit it), Flaming Nora, Kaz, Pamer, Chelly, and Betty and Geoff. Anyone else?


Caution. Upcoming image may induce vomiting.


Here’s one of your favourite (gack!) Corrie characters catching a few rays…

Orgasm Faces

Our Prunella has transformed into “Prunella of the Seventh Level of Blargh!” and her new avatar scared the bejesus out of me when I saw it yesterday …







Piggy had the cheek to say, “I imagine MJ looks like that as she cums. I know IVF does.”


Piggy, that is indeed IVF’s orgasm face.


THIS is my O-face…








And now for the rest of you…

Are these people engaged in sex? Or doing something else?

Take the O-Face quiz and find out.

Ahem! I’m not finished with you! …







There are numerous types of male orgasm faces and all are dependent on the situation during which they occur. How many of the following orgasm faces have YOU made, lads?




e.g. The "I'm So Old I Can't Believe I Can Still Do This" Orgasm Face as popularized by Old Knudsen

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a wheelie bin full of Infomaniac’s readers.

nota bene: This week Infomaniac diverts from the usual synopses of your postings. Instead, we offer snippets of conversations lifted directly from your posts. Complaints? Take it up with management. Let's get on with it then...

TONY:





At times i gave my computer Cunnilingus.





STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):





It’s amazing what you think of whilst coaxing a stubborn poo out.
-- Stevey




OLD KNUDSEN (OLD BITTER BALLS):





Fuck it they can suck my big warty cock.

I've never been too impressed with that John Travolta fella, ugly as fuck and has the acting abilities of my 4th wife faking her orgasms which is pretty crap.

The soft as shite Southern English wag their tails and sniff yer hole but thats just their way.

There was a bit of a reaction to the picture of the man with the bottle up his arse and as a bottle may be a bit extreme we all know that men like to stick their thumbs up their own arses while they're having a wank and I really doubt that we men are the only ones that buy butt plugs and beads of woe, then again I may just be the only one, ah fuck it.




TAZZY AND PIGGY:





Brain empty.
Nothing to write.
Hungry.
Back later.




SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY):




I have had the bum sex.




TICKERS:





If I tied my shirt tails under my chest and wore a cowboy hat, I'd be Jessica Simpson.

Just because I have a penis, it doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.



BOCK THE ROBBER:





Jimbo!, I ejaculated.




VICUS:





Sadly, the clearest recollection I have, and I pray to the deities of all the major religions that I imagined this, was me and Ratty urinating off the balcony into St Peters in the early hours of this morning. I have no idea who won the contest for distance, but I was too inebriated to spell my own name. I can only hope that there were no pilgrims below, and that if there were, they did not believe that they were experiencing some sort of bizarre blessing.




IVF (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):





Who could refuse? Clearly not me as I nearly slipped in my own drool scooping up the vouchers...

* scratches bum* and drinks juice from the carton *




FROBI:




Note from MJ: I love Frobi’s blog post labels so much that that’s what I’ll give you instead of his witty repartee……

Labels:

Hot dog sex dogging doggy style hot teenage sluts polish boys



KAZ:





How many more bloody clichés do you need?




BETTY:

Then again, I rarely laugh out loud at anything, and then usually only when I'm drunk.



GEOFF:

The part of the coastline we walked is called the 'Wantsum Walk'. It is so named because whenever you come across a group of hard kids, they ask you if you "wantsum, you fackin' cant?"




KAPITANO:





The same supplier offers a Penis Development Pump and a Sex Magnet for men. I rather like the latter - it sits in your pocket and "transmits its therapeutic magnetic field throughout the genital area".





MUTLEY THE DOG:





I have already learnt that it is wrong to shout “Geronimo!!” during sex and that “Brace yourself!!” is never considered seductive in bed.




MAIDY:





Don’t look at me ’cause I have no fucking clue.




GEO:





Action Man Geo was all action this week and little talk...

Here is my first try at making a video of a ww2 reenactment.




FIRST NATIONS:





What; you don't keep your assroll on a plinth?




EDDIE WARING:





fuck!! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What a moron.




AWAITING:




Wanna hear about how my youngest boy stopped the bathroom sink with toilet tissue? DRAINO where the FRICK are you!!!? Or would you rather I tell you the one about how I was bombarded by little neighborhood kids asking for popsicles? Oh! I know! You are dying to hear about how some little PRESCHOOL JUVENILE DELINQUINTS BROKE THE HEADLIGHT OF MY BABIES’ 1939 REPLICA PEDAL TRUCK!!! I am so out to beat a little kid’s ass…I mean, I was in FULL BLOWN PREDATOR MODE on a KID.
I mean, dang, only so much SUPER GLUE can do!!





HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):




C’mon now, in a couple of years the aging Baby Boomers will be rounded up and warehoused in giant Nostalgia Centres. There they can pharmacologically ‘Tune In and Turn On’ (relive the 60s and 70s) until they finally ‘Drop Out’!




WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):





Turns out Stevie, the most conservative of Canadian prime ministers since Brian Mulroney sang When Irish Eyes are Smiling with Ronald Reagan in 1984 or whenever, can't dress himself.

Stevie refuses to go anywhere, a story this week said, without a fashion consultant from Toronto who picks out all his clothes in an effort to improve his public image and appearance.

Note from MJ: I absolutely must illustrate who WW is talking about. Yes, this is Canada’s Prime Minister…






PRUNELLA DE VILLE:





Once upon a time in Africa, there lived a hardworking dung beetle named Larry. Larry was a good provider and spent his days gathering plenty of poop to feed his five hundred children. All was well until the day Madonna came to town.




CONVICT:





BANG….. my left hand mirror hit his and after a few well chosen words in my helmet I carried on thanking my lucky stars that my mirror wasn't broken and I was okay.

Within a mile I had a GSX-R600 right up behind me beeping and flashing his lights, I thought there was further damage to my bike that he was warning me of so I pulled over and he followed.

As the guy lifted his visor he was crying with laughter, he told me that he had seen the BAST@~* cut me off and then filled me in of what happened next … Apparently I had knocked the Vans giant, electric, heated wing mirror and the glass popped right out with the electrics hitting the floor and amazingly staying in one piece, the van man had turned the air blue at me as I left.

On then seeing his mirror in one piece on the floor, he was unable to believe his luck until my new friend on his GSXR ran over it for me……

Still makes me smile now……




KAV:




Some of you mentioned you wanted to have an evil laugh competition, where we can judge each other for Best Evil Laugh.




SPIKEY:




Nevermind.




and finally…



NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK

Infomaniac welcomes D.C. WARMINGTON!





Another fucking Brit.

Mr. Warmington dwells in deepest rural Sussex with his disabled sister. Her disability is the consequence of an adventure with explosives and a dustbin in 1977 involving their nephew, an amateur scientist and would-be terrorist (don't ask).

The household is completed, or rather dominated, by his sister’s cat, Geoffrey, a monster of unreasonableness who makes Mr. Warmington’s life hell.

As well as maintaining his blog “D.C. Warmington,” Mr. Warmington sits on the editorial board of “Farthing’s Compendium of Essential Facts.” This is a monumental undertaking that consumes most of his time.

Mr. Warmington has an interest in entomology, especially in beetles.

None of the foregoing contains an atom of truth.

Please join me in welcoming Mr. Warmington to our Coven of Cunts.