Where’s SID? Part Two

When I saw SID’s face on a milk carton I began to worry.


But thankfully, my fears were unfounded.


Turns out he’s been attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle.





SID practicing Irish Yoga




Update: Convict points out in the comments that even when paralytic, SID checks trees for knotholes. Right you are, Convict...

Where’s SID?

Stupid Irish Daddy



SID hasn’t updated his blog for a week.

And yesterday, not a single comment from the Oirish cunt on my blog nor on Tazzy and Piggy’s blog.

At first I thought it was just a case of him having his typing finger stuck up his arse, as usual.

Then I got to thinking that maybe SID had expired. Ceased to be. Gone to meet ‘is maker.

For a brief moment I rejoiced in thinking the time was ripe to raid his liquor cabinet.

But lo and behold if I haven’t discovered where he’s been hiding.

I think it’s safe to assume he’s still bloated and sleeping it off from overindulging at the Crawfordsburn Country Park “Potato Fayre.”

Maidy’s Vibrator Collection

"Bi” now you’re all familiar with American Psycho Bitch From Hell, Maidy aka Maidink.

Voted two years in a row as “Bi Bitch Philadelphians Would Most Like to Shag.”

But what you don’t know about her is that old “Slippery Snatch” has a closet full to bursting with vibrators.

The dirty bitch.

I’m here to expose the collection to the world.

Let’s begin with the most powerful models.

Maidy’s industrial strength concrete vibrator collection.





and





The models above are the vibrators Maidy pulls out when she’s dreaming of Stacy Kiebler or Nick Beyeler.


Let’s hear what they’re saying about these sturdy sex toys . . .

The 10-inch vibrator comes with a 1-1/16" rod and a hose long enough for any task. Even for satisfying that horny American Psycho Bitch Maidy.

Features a radial fan that runs cooler and lasts longer.

Rugged design hits harder, at lower speeds.

Delivers 12,000 vibrations per minute (vpm).

Now that we’ve seen the most vigorous vibrators behind Maidy’s closed doors, let’s have a look at the models she pulls out just for fun. When a less potent pulsator will get the job done.



Hello Kitty Vibrator



The Hello Kitty Vibrator is no longer available. The company’s molds were seized and destroyed.

Maidy was fortunate to pick up a second hand vibrator on eBay.



Talking Vibrator



The Talking Vibrator comes complete with a REAL mans voice, saying:

Go away, Ive got a headache
Mmm, you're looking cute tonight honey
Sorry, I have to get up early tomorrow
Hell, can't you get a real man?



The Tongue and The Tongue Tingler



Sometimes that bitch just needs a good

Tongue

lashing.





Video Voyeur




An insertable micro camera for internal viewing action with powerful, multi-speed vibrating bullet...Easily plugs into your television or records on your VCR.

Maidy, nothing personal but you can keep your home movies to yourself.



Vibrating Hairbrush




The Vibrating Hairbrush.

For those unruly pubes.




Scrubby Brush



Vibrating Scrubby Brush.

Doubles as a toilet brush.

Combines a cheap thrill with a clean bathroom.



Buzzing Beaver Vibrator



And now, in the interest of maintaining foreign relations, we bring you the Buzzing Beaver Vibrator.

A symbol of Canada and of my friendship with old “Slippery Snatch” herself.

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.


Let’s get started.


CONVICT:





Convict posted this bollocks site especially for me as he knows how much I appreciate a good solid pair of nutz.



HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):


HE (left) joins Chippendales


HE confesses (to everyone but his wife) that he’s moonlighting as an exotic dancer in WinterPeg.



OLD KNUDSEN:

Old Knudsen, whose romantic overtures I have spurned in the past, is wooing me once more with a vengeance.

Previously, he emailed me a full frontal nude photo…






This time it’s a pic of his arse!…




Were it not for the liver spots and the large boil, I might consider a date with the old Hornivore.

You have to admit that the heart shape is rather fetching.



FARMER GILES:

Farmer Giles is back with Parts Two and Three of “The Woman Who Only Wanted Me for My Cock.”




STEVE:





Old Bendy Bits Stevey gave us a fine display of cock art including a video performance of his amazingly talented bendy bit!

The slut.

And don’t miss his vaginal emoticons!



FROBI:

Frobi returned with “Weed of the Week” and this vision of MrC from the back…






TICKERS:

Meanwhile, Tickers posted this pic of what he imagines MrC looks like from the front…






TAZZY & PIGGY:


Before you straight blokes go complaining that there’s too many pics today of manly bits on today's "Blogging Roundup," take note that Tazzy and Piggy documented old lard-arse Awaiting’s trip to Paris…






GEOFF:

Geoff celebrated his 300th post!



MAIDY:

I haven’t checked Maidy’s latest postings but I’m sure they involve either moaning about morning sickness or lusting after lesbians.

And send me a new pic. Nobody wants to see that photo 3 weeks in a row.

Or at least get a new baseball cap.



EDDIE WARING:





Eddie Waring offers up a number of top tips; “money saving, time tested and downright bizarre ideas to use the unusable or left over household items that would otherwise be chucked out.”




SID:


SID’s flattened dog turd pancake


SID (Stupid Irish Daddy), listen up.

I’m sick and tired of looking at that flattened pancake on your blog.

For fuck’s sake, get your typing finger out from up yer arse and post something new, you lazy Irish cunt.

Just because it’s the Lenten season doesn’t mean you have to drag the rest of us into your pit of despair, you miserable cunt.

Post soon or I’ll be forced to strip you nekkid like the cheap Hibernian hibernating harlot you are, tie you down as Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” plays in the background, and insert explosives up yer arse.

Do I make myself understood?

Porn in the Pews

LA’s finest British ex-pat, Eddie Waring, alerted me to this story.


Three CD players hidden under a cathedral's pews blared sexually explicit language in the middle of an Ash Wednesday Mass, leading a bomb squad to detonate two of the devices.

Hmmmm…

Let’s think about this one.

Explosives.

Porn.

Mass.

Who do we know who fits the profile?

Who Amongst Us Deserves a Good Arse Kicking?

Place a blogger’s pic here


Above we see British performance artist Mark McGowan as he begins his 72-hour crawl across Manhattan dressed as President George Bush.

McGowan is offering the public the opportunity to kick his backside.

Given the opportunity, which blogger’s backside would you like to kick?

Filthy Friday

Yay! It’s the weekend!

Anyone for Naked Twister?

Technical Difficulties with Tazzy & Piggy’s Blog, SID’s blog & Steve’s Blog

UPDATE: Yay! The boys are back!

There are technical difficulties with the server for Tazzy and Piggy’s blog, SID’s blog and Stevey’s blog.

Please stand by. They’re working on the problem.

A Ban on Bollocks

A bill has been filed in the State of Maryland to ban any "model, sign, sticker or other item" that shows uncovered human or animal genitals, as well as human buttocks or female breasts, from motor vehicles.

Washington County Sheriff's deputy Matthew Bragunier is particularly offended by fake bull genitals flopping from the hitches of pickup trucks; a sight he sees at least once a day.

They're only a toy, but they're also unpleasant to look at, said Bragunier, worried what his 2-year-old girl might think someday.

"My daughter's going to see this," he said. "She's going to ask what this is. I don't want to be put in that spot. I don't think I ever want to be in that spot."

Full story here.





What’s hanging on/in/from your vehicle?

Scrotums Drive Librarians Nuts

The dog’s bollocks


An award-winning children's book “The Higher Power of Lucky” has been banned from some American school libraries for the use of the word “scrotum.”

Yet the offending scrotum belongs to a dog that was bitten in the bollocks by a rattlesnake.

(More on the uproar here.)

As a child, I would have been angry if an adult decided this wasn’t suitable reading material for me.

But this is Infomaniac so we’re not here to discuss censorship; we’re here to discuss naughty bits.

I delighted in finding such colourful words as "scrotum" in books when I was a child. Not unlike today (some things never change) it would have had me rolling on the floor laughing. And wanting to read more.

How about you? What were the words that had you in stitches when you were a kid?



Testiclay!!!

Fun With Feminine Hygiene Products

“Sale in aisle 4 on feminine hygiene products!”

The words I’ve been waiting to hear.

Now I can stockpile boxes of tampons and pads for when I wanna get crafty.



MAXI PAD SLIPPERS





Fun for the whole family.

Instructions here.



TAMPON ANGEL







TAMPONHENGE







TAMPON ART



Auntie Flo



TAMPON DOLLS




Happy Tampon Plush Toy





TAMPON COZIES





Hand crocheted tampon cozies.





and now, a couple for the fellas…

TAMPON TOUPEE





and


TAMPON BLOWGUN





More crafting ideas at Tampon Crafts.


Any other crafty ideas you’d like to share?

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

This is an abridged version of your usual, lengthy Blogging Roundup as MJ may have been over-served this weekend and is a bit sluggish.




Stevey Bendy Bit

My selection for “Post of the Week” is by England’s finest postie, Stevey who instructs us on “101 Things To Do With Discarded Royal Mail Rubber Bands.”

Accompanying pic may offend those who are not accustomed to staring at Stevey’s bendy bit close-up and personal.

Parental guidance is advised.





Maidy’s eye candy


Knocked-up Lady Maidy is drooling over Swimsuit models.

Horny bitch.





Deck the halls with balls


Tickers hasn’t yet taken down his Christmas decorations.





Apocalypse Not Just Now

IDV (Inexplicable DeVice) thought the Apocalypse was upon us only to find he’d just left the oven on.



Farmer Giles, back with his Cock Blog, began Part One of “The Woman Who Only Wanted Me for My Cock.”



Betty annoyed us with an homage to Richard and Judy. And told us that “for the first eighteen months (of a new love relationship) scientific evidence suggests that lovers' IQs fall by an incredible EIGHTY THREE per cent.



Speaking of falling IQs, SID (Stupid Irish Daddy) has a case of Prosopagnosia (the inability to recognise faces) and THIS is the nightmarish result…









Tom ("And It Stoned Me") 909

Tom909 (Of Humans and Horses) threatened to give up blogging only to return high as a kite a few days later.

Stay with us Tom!

*convinces Tom to visit Frobi* …






(I’m Your Pusherman) Frobi presents "Weed of The Week" - where he reviews the latest weed in Chez Naff.

Frobi…“doing drugs so you don't have to”






And the news from Tazzy and Piggy?

Taz Radio is back on the air!

Radio so good your ears will bleed.

7pm-midnight (GMT) … not 24/7 like I said in the pic. (I’m too lazy to Photoshop it out.)

With your handsome host DJ Taz and occasional annoying interruptions from the wee squeaky Piggy.

And from time to time, a screechy voiceover promo from your fave Canuck cunt, MJ. (The pay is shit and they couldn’t even be bothered to put me up at a proper hotel.)




Note to Convict: Update your blog, you lazy cunt. Now.




And finally… (drum roll)...

Welcome new reader Eddie Waring to Infomaniac’s Circle of Hell!


Fancy a brew?

Ey Up!

Welcome British ex-pat Eddie Waring in Los Angeles.

Or in Eddie’s words…

Put on your best smoking jacket and sink into the affordable comfort of millions of tiny styrofoam balls. Pretend to be interested as I tell true tales of bravery, stupidity and nonsense. If you are easily offended, read on.

Eddie’s interests include Wigan Athletic FC and porn.

Please feel free to abuse him. I do and he keeps coming back for more.

Daft cunt.