The staff of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service (pictured above) are manning the phone lines, ready to match up prospective clients with you, Infomaniac’s readers.
Today’s client comes to us all the way from Yorkshire, England.
He’s looking for love and hopes to meet one of you for a rollicking romance.
NAME: Piggy.
NICKNAME: Pigsty.
SEX: *checks under curly corkscrew tail*
Male…ish.
HEIGHT: Barely taller than me in heels and I’m 5’3 ½.
AGE: Old age pensioner.
HOBBIES: Moaning; whingeing; sucking on sticks of rock; diddling his wee willie; updating his collection of toenail clippings; roller-coaster riding; bowling.
Don’t be put off by the shapeless arse
LOOKING FOR: Anyone who can tolerate rancid farts and ginger pubic hair. And anyone who has a willie this big…
Attention, Infomaniac readers.
If this sounds like a match made in heaven for you, let us know why and what you have to offer in return.
Or perhaps you’d just like to offer your opinion and rate this date on a scale from one to ten?
Does he do laundry? It's not for me. I'm just checking for a friend.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like he's got a wedding ring on that finger! Is he a member of a polygamous cult? I see he is proficient with handling balls.
ReplyDeleteI rate dating MARRIED guys up there with dating mimes.
ReplyDeleteWhy is Piggy wearing Manuels beadspread in the first picture ??
ReplyDeleteI think she looks like a very pretty lass, I rate her as a 4, the arse was just inhuman.
ReplyDeletebecause I know it turns you on, Beast.
ReplyDeleteKnudsey, my arse is fine. Nothing a little bit of gentle kneading can't resolve.
ReplyDeleteCSI - No. I don't do laundry. How could you even think such a thing?
ReplyDeleteEroswings - By ball handling skills are legendary.
That tag on his wrists looks like it's of hospital origin. I'm guessing he's an escaped ginger loony and a danger to the public.
ReplyDeleteRun.
* struggles to say something nice *
ReplyDeleteUmmm...
Well, it looks like it's domesticated what with the pinny and shopping bag, so I'll give it thre- No, two out of ten.
I'm glad to see child labour making a comeback, what with the twelve year old switchboard staff etc.
LMAO! What a funny as shit post! Thanks for the good giggle!
ReplyDeleteCome by and say hello and see me! I have posted some pics! Did something very new to me...eeekkk! Had some fun but thought I would give it a try!
Hugs,
Robyn
CSI: His honey's mummy does his laundry.
ReplyDeleteEROS: Well if he finds a match on here AND continues with Tazzy, I’d say we have the makings of a polygamous cult.
BOXER: Dating a mime would be my choice over dating Piggy.
Piggy never shuts up.
At least with the mime you could get a word in.
BEAST: Best answered by Piggy, as you can see.
KNUDSEN: Four?
I wouldn’t have been as generous.
Have you got your beer goggles on?
PIGGY: “By” ball handling skills?
Have you caught Garfy’s cold?
GARFY: Escaped ginger loony?
By any other name a “ginger nut”!
IVD: I think the switchboard operator is your great-granddad.
Look at the thumb on him.
ROBYN: Welcome to Infomaniac!
What kind of pics? Nudies? If so, send us one to post here.
Hilda Ogdan or what! Where's your curlers Piggy?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.freewebs.com/m3coffee/hilda.jpg
Have a look It's Piggy.
TATAS: Haaaaaaaaaaa!
ReplyDeleteHilda Ogden lives!
All Piggy needs now are the three flying ducks on the wall!
i was keen.. until I got to the bit where he wanted someone with a 9inch dick..
ReplyDeleteI don't have a nine inch dick..
not one that works, anyways.
Any more potential dates there MJ?
If he does laundry, dishes, cooks dinner and can feed the pig I'll find him a 9" cock.
ReplyDeleteI get unreasonably excited by the sight of a man in an apron. I give him a 6 out of 10. It would he higher if he was naked under that apron. Looks like he'll make some man an excellent wife.
ReplyDeletehe probably already has them MJ.
ReplyDeleteWell, I fancy the one manning the phones. Any chance of a hook-up?
ReplyDeleteWait, HOW old is s/he?...never mind...
ReplyDeleteI'll take a miss on this one. He looks like used goods.
ReplyDeleteIs that board a retail condom display in the Dating Service foyer?
ReplyDeleteuh, i'm starting to think i may NEED this service, but...not just yet...but soon.
ReplyDelete(thanks for the card, sugar!)
xoxoxox
****wonders if Piggy shags on the first date*****
ReplyDeleteI don't want sloppy seconds.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
KIMBA: More clients are waiting in the wings and would like a hot tamale like Kimba.
ReplyDeletePISSOFF: He can share the pig’s slop at the trough.
Pretty much a done deal then.
PEEVISH: I too become weak in the knees at the sight of a man in a pinny.
But you’ve let your libido run away with you by giving him a 6.
DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM TO DISROBE.
TATAS: The outside of his house looks like the Duckworths.
LEAH: Phone 1-800-FAGHAGSLAG and see if you can chat up the switchboard attendant.
MAIDY: You should talk.
ReplyDeleteYou’re the poster child for sloppy seconds.
Oh, and be sure to drop in here on Wednesday.
No particular reason.
*exits offstage, humming and looking innocent*
XL: It’s a list of STD clinics in Yorkshire.
Piggy has frequent flyer points at each of them.
SAVANNAH: Don’t tempt me to post your pic on here.
BEAST: *wonders why Beast is so anxious to know*
CYBERPOOF: Since when did YOU become so fussy?
I've always been fussy
ReplyDeleteespecially when rancid farts are involved.
Well Miss MJ I can hardly rate the date if I am not in full command of the facts. I for example only put out if someone buys me dinner and I dont mean a Mc D's happy meal
ReplyDeleteI wish you would stop making fun of my mother, like that!
ReplyDeleteuber you old bat you gone members only .....and I was not invited ....story of my life
ReplyDelete****Beast sobs in the corner***
CYBERPOOF: Piggy’s farts are useful to strip wallpaper.
ReplyDeleteBEAST: Is a light snack at Café C enough to make you put out?
UBERMOUTH: Welcome to Infomaniac!
I recognize you from Beast’s, Mutley’s and Knudsen’s, to name but a few.
You really get around, don’t you?
BEAST: Perhaps by going “members only” Miss Ubermouth is trying to tell you something.
omg
ReplyDeleteI can't get past Pete's rancid farts comment.
ReplyDeleteEwwww!
MATT: Pick your jaw up off the floor and dial 1-800-FAGHAGSLAG.
ReplyDeleteYou know you want to.
T-BIRD: CyberPoof has ruined it for everyone with that comment.
he's either a ten or a one, depending on which way the scale goes.
ReplyDeletei hope that was enigmatic enough.
*sneaks up behind distracted Piggy, bonks Cave-Taz over head with haunch of cave-beef and drags him away to lair*
I do love a man in an apron.
ReplyDeleteMJ!
ReplyDeleteyou are the best thanks for the sweet comment...and is he still availble...I do have some house chores that need some major attention! oohhhh and he can walk my mammoth of a pooch!
Your the best!
Robyn
NATIONS: Please DO go on with details of your devious plan to lure the mighty Cave-Taz to your den of ill repute.
ReplyDeletePRU: The apron should be a required garment for all men.
ROBYN: It would be more like the mammoth dog walking wee Piggy.
He's a pygmy, actually.
Perhaps you weren't aware.
A ginger pygmy.
I would like to know where Piggy shopped for his lovely Hostess Apron. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteARABELLA: I believe Piggy bought it at Primark with his frequent buyer points.
ReplyDelete