Book-A-Minute

No time to read?



A CHRISTMAS CAROL (as told by Book-A-Minute)

Ebenezer Scrooge:

Bah, humbug. You'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.

Ghost of Jacob Marley:

Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.

Three Ghosts of Christmas:

You're mean.

Ebenezer Scrooge:

At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.

I’ve just finished reading The Religion by Tim Willocks at 640 pages…



… and World Without End by Ken Follett at a whopping 1111 pages...




Where was Book-A-Minute when I needed it?

Which book would you like to condense down to a minute’s read?

And try your hand at it yourself, if you like. Write a quick summary for us of a book you’ve read…if you’ve got a minute, that is.

Blogger’s Blunder

Type your complaint to Blogger today!



Blogger.com has changed their comment forms.

Non-Blogger account holders can no longer comment on Blogger blogs leaving their URL.

So if you are a non-Blogger.com blogger (e.g. WordPress or TypePad), Blogger has disabled your ability to leave your URL when you leave a comment.

You can type in your name, but your URL won’t appear unless you open one of the following: an OpenID account, a Google account, a Blogger account … or take the time to manually type in your URL in the comment field.

And if someone new (say their name is “Joe”) comments on my blog without a Blogger account, I can’t check out Joe’s blog because there’s no link to his blog. So I’m left scratching my head wondering if I already know “Joe” or if “Joe” is a psychopath who has decided my blog is the place to be.

This new unsolicited feature could cause many of us to lose readers and prevent new readers from commenting.

Case in point: Yorkshire’s favourite poofs, Tazzy and Piggy.






Tazzy and Piggy are two of Infomaniac’s oldest and dearest readers but they don’t use Blogger.com to host their blog.

Taz and Pig are no longer leaving comments on my blog (or IVD’s blog or Frobi’s blog or Kaz’s blog or several others amongst us) because if they do, their URL is not attached.

For a clearer picture of this issue than the one I’m relating, read Tazzy and Piggy's stance on it here in “What the fuck is up with Blogger?”.


Needless to say, this breaks my heart as Tazzy and Piggy are an important part of Infomaniac’s community and without them, blogging will not be as pleasurable.





Sure, I could switch to a Wordpress account or I could change my comments to use Haloscan but I don’t want to.

This new feature will alienate our friends who are not Blogger.com bloggers and we’ll all suffer a loss of community.

Long story shorter, Blogger needs to hear from any and all of us who have issues with this latest change.

Please join me in voicing your opinion to Blogger here.

Filthy Friday

Happy Birthday, Homo Escapeons!

Sing along...


You must have been a beautiful baby
You must have been a wonderful child
When you were only startin' to go to kindergarten
I bet you drove the little girls wild.
And when it came to winning blue ribboms
You must have shown the other kids how.
I can see the judges' eyes as they handed you the prize
You must have made the cutest bow.
You must've been a beautiful baby
'Cause baby look at you NOW.








Happy 50th birthday to HE (Homo Escapeons): one hell of a Canucklehead.

New Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

Eroswings, pictured below in Texas, did a grand job of hosting the latest Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.









But the time has come for The Shorts to move on to their new home, back in England again, with …

TATAS! …


How the did THAT happen? Has the world gone MAD?!

We’ll NEVER get the stench and stains out of The Shorts once Tatas gets her filthy mitts on them.

And can you imagine the POSE?

*faints from the ho-rror of it all*


*but not before posting her winning caption…*


"Them elf shorts they don't fit,
He needs to use them to cover his bits.
He holds on to his hat as the wind picks up,
For hours he'll be getting sand out from his butt."

Traffic Advisory

Temporary blog closure ‘til Thursday, December 6th.





We request your patience during this period.

Readers are advised to detour and visit alternate blogs in the meantime.

The parking lot remains open for those wishing to stay and read the latest Google searches (below) that led unsuspecting people to Infomaniac.


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Another Day Off

And if you don’t like it?…

Filthy Friday

Come On, Get Happy!

Sing along…

Forget your troubles c'mon get happy,
You better chase all your cares away.
Shout hallelujah c'mon get happy
Tomorrow is Filthy Friday.







Your weekend begins soon!

Try Something New Day

It’s Try Something New Day! Go on…challenge yourself!








What new activity will you be trying?

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition – Redux

Remember this?…


MJ models the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts



Think of how much fun you’ll have opening your pressies on Christmas Day to find The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts under your tree!

But there’s only one way to win them.

Head on over to visit Eroswings in Texas.

As the current holder of The Shorts, he’s holding his compo now through December 4th and you could be the lucky winner!




Yours to unwrap...click the pic why dontcha to make it bigger




Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about?

For those of you new to this phenomenon, get the full lowdown on The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts by reading The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Now go visit Eroswings!

And good luck!

Brit Maps

Simplified Map of London







The Two Englands







Tube Map


(click to enlarge)





And now one for Infomaniac’s resident cloudspotter, SID…


Britain in a Cloud

Incriminating Pic of the Week

Which filthy blogger is THIS?…






What is she attempting to do?

And wouldn’t it be more comfortable to use Nippits instead of duct tape?

Up Off My Arse

I’m out and about and active today lest I turn to stone…

Happy Birthday, Tickers!

Happy Birthday, Miss Tickers!





What a fine young lady you've become...

Filthy Friday

Dining Debacles

Are you a courteous, well-behaved restaurant customer?

Or are you more likely to resemble this pair?






Have you ever done a runner?

Do you bring your own food into the restaurant?

Do you “forget” to tip?

Do you insist on answering your mobile and having a loud conversation at the table?

The list goes on.

Fess up.

Who Needs a Bitch Slapping?

I nominate Celine Dion for a bitch slapping. Do I really need a reason?!



It came from Canada.





It wed an old man







It looked like it was hungry and could use a good meal









To satisfy its hunger, it ate a baby







It ate the baby whole







The baby repeated itself on her so she coughed it up like a hairball







The hairball grew into her son, Rene Charles. And don’t even think about commenting on his hair because she’s sick of hearing about it.






Stick that gigantic thumb up yer arse, Celine, or you’ll get a bitch slapping.



There’s Celine taken care of. Who else needs a bitch slapping?

How to Accurately Measure Your Penis

“Wee SID” receiving an accurate measurement



Go on, fellas. Get yer willies out.

Ladies (and I use that term loosely around here) you can help out if you have a partner who’s up to it.

Here’s today's project for you. A do-it-yourself guide for measuring your penis correctly.

So simple, even those who have bendy cocks can do it!

When you’ve completed this project, don’t feel pressured to tell us your measurements (oh, g’won, do) but tell us how you got on with this exercise.

World Toilet Day

What are you doing to celebrate World Toilet Day?

For starters, you can tell us your most embarrassing or traumatic toilet stories.







My list of toilet horrors is endless but let’s start with the earliest frightening loo memory.

It all started when my family took a road trip from Canada all the way down to the Deep South of Alabama to visit kinfolk.








I was 2 years old at the time so my memories of the drive are a bit sketchy until we reached a tourist trap where we stopped for refreshments.

Wee MJ got overly excited when she saw an outhouse. I don’t know if this was because I equated outhouses with good times or because I just needed to empty my teeny tiny bladder.

I bounded out of my parental unit’s grasp and made a run for the outhouse. Before my mummy could grab me, I opened the door of the outhouse and let out an ear-piercing shriek.

It wasn’t a real, functional outhouse at all. It was a “gag” outhouse!

What happened there would put me off clowns for years to follow.

You see, upon opening the outhouse door, a spring-loaded, life-size clown popped off the toilet seat and into my face! The shock! The horror!







The following year, I would experience yet another toilet terror.

3-year-old MJ fell into the toilet! Well I had a tiny bum and the toilet is made for an adult-sized arse.

I then hallucinated that a swarm of bees flew up from the toilet bowl!







It’s a wonder I don’t have a toilet phobia today, isn’t it?