Hard Graft Ahead

Starting today, Mistress MJ is undertaking a new work project that will see her toiling away for the next 12 days.

That’s right. Not a day off until August 28th.



What does this mean for you, bitches?

It means I may or may not get ‘round to everyone’s blog.

It means that my posts from now ‘til August 28 may or may not be crap.

It means that I may or may not have time to join you each and everyday in witty repartee in the comments section.

And that my responses may be shorter and more to the point. e.g. ”right”; “no, that’s shite”; “you’re a wanker”, etc.

So please be patient as I my bust my arse.

And know that I am thinking of you even if I appear to be aloof.

If you need something to keep your hands busy in the meantime, why not click here to listen to Old Knudsen sing a cut from his new CD?

Filthy Friday

(Click pic to enhance your viewing pleasure)

Plonker of the Day

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Plonker of the Day in which we examine the ineptitudes of careless criminals.



THE PLONKER: Gibson Cook, 57.

THE PLACE: Dillon, South Carolina, U.S.A.

THE PREDICAMENT: Cook was trapped for 12 hours beneath a giant trash bin at a landfill after he climbed underneath in a bid to steal about $10 worth of copper.

When workers found him, all they saw were his legs sticking out from beneath the bin.

THE PUNISHMENT: Cook has been charged with trespassing and petty larceny.

He’s been jailed and is currently awaiting a bond hearing although it's unclear if he has an attorney.

Say, wait a minute. Doesn’t that photo of Cook remind you of our very own IVD?...

Geoff’s Favourite Post

It’s time for another installment of Your Favourite Post.




Today’s submission comes to us from Geoff in Kent, England.

Those of you outside the UK may want to click on The Good Old Days for an explanation of a reference he makes to that particular BBC Television programme.

To view Geoff’s fave post, CLICK HERE.

Forsaking Fags

Our friend Beast is trying to give up fags …




Allow me to clarify for our readers in the USA and Canada.

In the UK, cigarettes are also known as fags.

Whereas here in North America “fags” has a different meaning, as you’re well aware ...



Oh, hello IVD.


Anyway, poor Beastie is three days fag-free now and is doing his best not to give in to temptation.

Since I’ve never had a problem with fags, I don’t know what advice to give him to help him stick with it.



First Nations lights one up and blows smoke in Beast’s face

That’s not very helpful, Ms Nations.

Can anyone give Beast some words of wisdom and encouragement?

Proselytizing Pyjamas

This being Sunday, I thought we should tone it down a little.

So it is with great solemnity that I am attempting to blog in my Armor of God PJs, designed to make you feel safe and secure in the dark…



Unfortunately, the jim-jams aren’t available in adult sizes so I look quite the fool.

Forgive my appearance.

Perhaps I should step out of these jammies, slip back into my peignoir and colour instead…



But this leads me to a question: What do you do to make yourself feel safe and secure in the dark?

Drunk of the Day

Welcome to another installment of our new series entitled Drunk of the Day.

Here we shall examine the wacky hijinks that folk get up to under the influence of alcohol.



THE DRUNK: Douglas E. Smith, 49, who calls himself “Otis the Town Drunk”.

THE DISTRICT: Portage, Indiana, U.S.A.

THE DEED: Police officers arrested Smith after responding to a report of an intoxicated man stumbling around.

It was Smith’s 70th arrest.

Smith has been arrested for public intoxication so many times that people he sees at taverns occasionally approach him and ask for his autograph.

Smith has spent about half his adult life behind bars. (and in bars too, no doubt).

Smith brags that he can drink two cases of beer in a day, or can gulp down six bottles of wine or three fifths of hard liquor. He said he has walked around with a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.45, enough to put most people in a coma.

THE DENOUEMENT: No word yet as to what punishment will be doled out.

Suggestions from the Infomaniac jury?

Do you know an "Otis"?

Filthy Friday

Bigger than a change purse.

Big enough to use as a handbag, really, isn’t it?...


(click if you need it bigger)


Any other uses?

Perplexing Pic

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Perplexing Pic.

From time to time, we’ll post a photo that Mistress MJ finds so puzzling that she must enlist the opinions of her astute readers.

Are you ready? What exactly is going on in this photograph?...


(click to enlarge)

Happy Birthday, Tazzy!

Happy 40th Birthday, Tazzy!




Here's our Tazzy. So big, so butch...




Taz is the better half of the Tazzy and Piggy Collective.

I think you'll agree he's the better half when you see his wee ginger wifey Piggy...




But the comparisons don't stop there. Oh no.

Feast your eyes on Tazzy's superior botty...




Now here's Piggy's arse looking like a dropped pie...



No comparison.

Tazzy, we wish you well on your fortieth birthday.

And remember, no matter how old you get you'll always be MUCH younger than Piggy.

A toast, everyone, to one of Yorkshire's finest poofs!

Drunk of the Day

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Drunk of the Day.

Here we shall examine the wacky hijinks that folk get up to under the influence of alcohol.


THE DRUNK: Keith Walendowski, 56.

THE DISTRICT: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, U.S.A.

THE DEED: Walendowski said he was angry because his Lawn Boy wouldn't start

He told police, "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

THE DENOUEMENT: Walendowski could face up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.


Walendowski is not the first to shoot an appliance or an inanimate object whilst drunk. Heck, even Elvis was known to shoot out a TV set or two without the influence of alcohol.





Presley had a habit of occasionally breaking out a firearm from his gun collection and opening fire at television sets and other items.

For example, entertainer Robert Goulet was performing on TV when Presley blasted his 25-inch RCA television.

"There was nothing Elvis had against Robert Goulet. They were friends," a Graceland spokesman said. "But Elvis just shot out things on a random basis."





And now my question to you, bitches…

Have you ever attacked an appliance or inanimate object? Or wanted to?
Details, please.

*police officers and psychiatric personnel are standing by*

Who Wants A Cuddle?

I'm feeling positively uplifted today.

If you're not feeling as bouncy as me; if your swizzle has lost its fizzle; come closer.



Who wants a cuddle?

IVD Gets Lucky!

As you recall from yesterday’s posting, our friend Inexplicable DeVice (IVD) enlisted the help of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service to help him find a man.

Well, I’m happy to report another success story as our phone lines were swamped with calls…


Hello? Is this Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service? That young fella IVD is hot stuff! We want him on board!


Well, hello sailors!

Here are just a few of the crew members who signed up to date IVD…



We hear ya like seamen, IVD. Care to cum aboard and inspect our packages?




I used to be a ginger!




Nom nom nom



It’s up to you now, IVD. They’re positively falling at your feet!

Okay everybody, sing along! IN THE NAVY...

Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service

“Yes sir, IVD is freeee!!!”

The staff of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service (pictured above) is manning the phone lines, ready to match up client IVD with you, Infomaniac’s readers.

It’s no secret that fellow Blogger Inexplicable DeVice (IVD) is looking for a man.

He’s been feeling a bit mardy lately and pining after his old flame, a ginger shelf-stacker at the supermarket.

Let’s cheer IVD up by finding him a man, shall we?

Perhaps you share his taste in pop culture?...




If that hasn’t convinced you he’s Mr. Right, take a look at his remarkable physical qualities!...




Come on, people…there’s $60 a week in it for you!

Filthy Friday

Infomaniac is back and is breaking the vow of silence.









Meanwhile, confused blogger Mago wanders onto the set and exclaims...


I thought this was a knitting blog. Ich verstehe nicht.

The Day I Forgot To Blog

Crafty Bitches

Beast compensates with big knitting needles

The response from you crafty bitches to knit up a storm was overwhelming.

Take a look at some of the many handknit items I’ve received since opening The Infomaniac Knitting Blog.

Who's the joker who knitted this for me?...




I’ve received breast pillows from a number of you…




The homosexualists amongst you hopped on the knitting bandwagon with rainbow hotpants…




Here’s IVD with his knitted reservoir tip hat…




But what could be happening off camera? I wonder if IVD’s wearing these for his client’s easy access?...




Which one of you is the big tool?...




Here’s a submission from a blogger who doesn't want to be named but the alabaster skin suggests that it’s IVD again……




This one has Anonymous Boxer’s name all over it…




This macramé willy reeks of hippie crafts. Must have come from Inner Voices in California…




Holy Ina Mae Gaskin! First Nations flipped over the cabbage leaf covering her garden toilet planter and found this…



That explains why she suddenly started lactating this week.


Garfer, surely this isn’t your drinking jumper?...





Okay, who’s responsible for THIS?...




Right. I’m full up to here with your craftiness and I think it’s time we shut down The Infomaniac Knitting Blog and returned to being Infomaniac again.

Therefore, I suggest we send all our knitted goods to the birthday boy in the posting below.

Happy Birthday, Tony!

Tony hails from Hebden Bridge: Lesbian Capital of Britian.

On your special day, Tony, we’re sending you all our knitted goods.

See posting above.

Naughty Knitters

Mistress MJ was pleased to find several items of knitwear when she woke up this morning.

You’d all been busy little beavers, burning the midnight oil, knitting up a storm on behalf of our new blog, The Infomaniac Knitting Blog.




Tomorrow I’ll show you more of the knitted items I found scattered about my household. But today, I’d like to focus on one knitter alone: Beast.

As you know, I had to hypnotize Beast in order to get him to cast on but after that it was clickety-clack-don’t-look-back.

He was caught up in a knitting frenzy!

I awoke to find him sitting on my chair, concentrating on a difficult cable stitch. (I’ve had to disinfect the chair, if you wondered)…






First of all, he knit himself a wee willy warmer as I had the thermostat turned down low overnight and he was feeling the chill…



Note to Beast: You used too much wool.


Then he knit this cute little thong, in hopes that some day his imaginary girlfriend would wear it…





He even went so far as to knit a condom for the day when he and his imaginary girlfriend would have imaginary sex!...





And just before he knit his fingers to a bloody pulp, Beast knit a couple of vaginas; one for himself and one for Matt, who asked, “Can you knit a v-jay for me?”



Come back tomorrow to The Infomaniac Knitting Blog to see what our other crafty bitches got up to!