We Have a Winner!

It was a tight race but the winner of the Fast Cheap and Out of Control deluxe back seat air freshener (by one vote!) is BEAST!

MISS JANEY was a strong contender, what with her actually living up to the title of Fast Cheap and Out of Control with her stint in prison. That and the fact that her car stinks of dog, big time.

It’s really no surprise that BEAST walked away with this prize as he is notorious for his poor hygiene habits and distinctive aroma. And, of course, his famous “stinky duvet”.

Frobisher, who knows Beast personally, summed it up thusly…

“Its a toughie - but it has to be Beast - i have been in his car, and he slows right down when coming to corners.”

Here, once again, is Beast’s winning entry…

Ma Beasties chickpea curry is the least of it. If Frobisher has been sneackily feeding Mr C's hell hounds with some dodgy old franfurters he found cheap at a car boot sale , Lloyd sounds like deflating bag pipes in the back of the car and there is a not so delicate hint of bowel in the air , you can see people sniffing and checking their shoes when we stop at traffic lights....its embarrassing. AND if Mr C has been eating KFC you spark up a fag at your peril

****KABOOOOM*****

One wonders what Beast will do with his prize air freshener.

We suggest affixing it to his underpants…

Yes, folks. These are an actual pair of Beast’s underpants. Don't believe me? Then click here. I think you can see what we’re dealing with here.

Additionally, Beast might be counseled to attach the prize air freshener to a previous prize that he won … The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!...

That is if Miss Scarlet and Mistress MJ don’t confiscate The Shorts first with their evil conspiracy.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest!

Let’s have another competition soon, shall we?

Vote - Fast, Cheap and Out of Control

The choice has come down to Beast or Miss Janey in our Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest.

We shall ask you to vote for either BEAST or MISS JANEY as the worthy recipient of the Fast Cheap and Out of Control air freshener.

But first, a little background on each of our contestants' entries…

BEAST needs this air freshener primarily to cover up his stench whereas MISS JANEY needs this air freshener because she lives up to the phrase “Fast Cheap and Out of Control”…plus there’s a bit of an odour factor with her as well.

You be the judges.

BEAST

Beast’s entry needs a bit of explaining for those of you who (luckily) don’t know him well or if you are American and haven’t the foggiest what he’s going on about. We have thoughtfully provided a glossary as explanation before we present his entry:

Ma Beasties Chickpea Curry: A pungent gastric-disorder-inducing culinary dish created by Beast’s mum and served up at the Café C where Beast is an employee.

Frobisher: An Infomaniac Bitch, friend of Beast, and drag artiste (aka Mavis Boyle of the famed “Crap Bingo With Mavis” Cabaret Night at Café C).

Mr. C.: Domineering, slave-driving proprietor of Café C. Makes Beast’s life a misery.

Mr. C’s hell hounds: Mr. C’s dogs, Alfie and Lloyd. Beast is frequently called upon to dogsit Alfie and Lloyd and chauffeur them about in his car.

Lloyd: One of Mr. C’s dogs.

Dodgy: Brit slang for “suspicious” or “shady”.

Car boot sale: British equivalent of an outdoor flea market. Brits sell their wares from out of their car “boots” (trunks).

Spark up a fag: Brit-talk for “light up a cigarette”.

And now (finally), BEAST’s entry in the contest is as follows:

Ma Beasties chickpea curry is the least of it. If Frobisher has been sneackily feeding Mr C's hell hounds with some dodgy old franfurters he found cheap at a car boot sale , Lloyd sounds like deflating bag pipes in the back of the car and there is a not so delicate hint of bowel in the air , you can see people sniffing and checking their shoes when we stop at traffic lights....its embarrassing. AND if Mr C has been eating KFC you spark up a fag at your peril

****KABOOOOM*****

MISS JANEY

Miss Janey, it turns out, really lives up to the title “Fast Cheap and Out of Control”.

We recommend that you read her posts about her prison ordeal (a tale of drugs, drunkenness, reckless driving, a Madam recruiting prostitutes, a hooker with a speech impediment, the best places to find johns, crack addicts, fierce hair and five dollar blow jobs) before casting your final vote.

Here is her entry…

Miss J is inordinately competitive in contests because she feels like she never wins them. So she's comin' out strong & wrong here. What better proof of being fast cheap and out of control than having spent time in jail?

http://missjaneys.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20hoosegow

Also, Miss J's car stinks of dog, big time.

So you decide, bitches.

Who should win the Fast Cheap and Out of Control deluxe back seat air freshener?

BEAST? Or MISS JANEY?

Vote now, bitches!

Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest

Tell us why YOU should have this fast cheap and out of control Deluxe back seat air freshener…

The prize

We’ll select our favourite answer later this week and send this Deluxe prize to the lucky winner.