Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Career Paths

Before you became the great career success that you are today, surely there were some snags along the way.

After all, you had to pay the rent.



So what’s the one job that didn’t make it onto your résumé?
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48 comments:

  1. The Cool Cookie8:53 PM, November 17, 2010

    FIRSt! I wrote gay jack-off fiction, and romance novels in 1983- and 1983.

    ReplyDelete
  2. FirstNations9:05 PM, November 17, 2010

    I was a telephone salesperson working for a Scientology front organization. We sold chimney cleaning services. Ostensibly. What we really did was confirm addresses and send our sales 'hot list' (read: Sucker List) uplines to the Scn. organization in Los Angeles. Ever wonder why your sweet little old grandma with no sales resistance gets all that crap mail from cults?

    Yeah, I'm not real proud of that one. Be careful what you buy over the phone, folks. And from who.

    ReplyDelete
  3. FirstNations9:07 PM, November 17, 2010

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. FirstNations9:08 PM, November 17, 2010

    ..although we really did send out a couple of cloneboys to stand on your roof knocking off shingles who ran a chain brush down the chimney a couple of times. But yeah.

    *goes immediately to confession*

    *takes handy ultraviolet jizz light along just to be on the safe side*

    ReplyDelete
  5. normadesmond9:09 PM, November 17, 2010

    mae west's fluffer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Heff9:18 PM, November 17, 2010

    FUCK my resume'....HOW DO I GET IN ON THAT BRA-ON-BRA ACTION ?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  7. LẌ9:56 PM, November 17, 2010

    Best Boy at Infomaniac Films.

    ReplyDelete
  8. CyberPete12:23 AM, November 18, 2010

    Like FN, I too had a (short) career in the phone sales industry. That's all I want to say about that.

    I also tried being a janitors assistant which I naturally sucked at. It did help in improving my sucking a lot. Honestly I knew one tool.

    ReplyDelete
  9. CyberPete12:43 AM, November 18, 2010

    Did I mention I was very bad at both?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Roses2:21 AM, November 18, 2010

    I briefly worked for a double-glazing company.

    I walked out because it was boring beyond belief and the boss wasn't even worth a shag.

    It was so boring, I can't even think of something vaguely risque about the job description.

    Ah yes, the boss was less hygenic than Beast and thought he was worth a shag.

    I knew there was a reason I repressed that memory.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Princess2:35 AM, November 18, 2010

    I worked as a Glorified Bum washer in a nursing home for a while... not much fun cleaning all those wrinkly old arses... but i spose someone had to do it...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Princess2:37 AM, November 18, 2010

    Oh and I forgot... On a morning shift i was the designated chamberpot emptier. That was a shitty job...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Damien2:53 AM, November 18, 2010

    LOL on the floor at Princess' remarks :)

    Go-Go boy at local Gay club when I was 19......... really.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Mistress3:24 AM, November 18, 2010

    COOKIE: FIRSt! I wrote gay jack-off fiction, and romance novels in 1983- and 1983.

    Read us all a bedtime story!

    NATIONS: I was a telephone salesperson working for a Scientology front organization. We sold chimney cleaning services. Ostensibly. What we really did was confirm addresses and send our sales 'hot list' (read: Sucker List) uplines to the Scn. organization in Los Angeles. Ever wonder why your sweet little old grandma with no sales resistance gets all that crap mail from cults?
    Yeah, I'm not real proud of that one. Be careful what you buy over the phone, folks. And from who.
    ..although we really did send out a couple of cloneboys to stand on your roof knocking off shingles who ran a chain brush down the chimney a couple of times. But yeah.
    *goes immediately to confession*
    *takes handy ultraviolet jizz light along just to be on the safe side*

    Say what? I can’t hear you. The tin cans on my E-meter just short-circuited.

    NORMADESMOND: mae west's fluffer.

    “A hard man is good to find.”

    HEFF: FUCK my resume'....HOW DO I GET IN ON THAT BRA-ON-BRA ACTION ?!?!?

    Down, boy!

    XL: Best Boy at Infomaniac Films.

    You’ve got a firm “grip” on that position.

    CYBERPOOF: Like FN, I too had a (short) career in the phone sales industry. That's all I want to say about that.
    I also tried being a janitors assistant which I naturally sucked at. It did help in improving my sucking a lot. Honestly I knew one tool.
    Did I mention I was very bad at both?

    Are you good at anything except shoe-shopping and drinking?

    ROSES: I briefly worked for a double-glazing company.
    I walked out because it was boring beyond belief and the boss wasn't even worth a shag.
    It was so boring, I can't even think of something vaguely risque about the job description.
    Ah yes, the boss was less hygenic than Beast and thought he was worth a shag.
    I knew there was a reason I repressed that memory.

    Do you generally shag the boss if he’s shag-worthy?

    PRINCESS: I worked as a Glorified Bum washer in a nursing home for a while... not much fun cleaning all those wrinkly old arses... but i spose someone had to do it...
    Oh and I forgot... On a morning shift i was the designated chamberpot emptier. That was a shitty job...

    Were you ever tempted to yell, “Shit or get off the pot!”

    DAMIEN: LOL on the floor at Princess' remarks :)
    Go-Go boy at local Gay club when I was 19......... really.....

    Would you consider a career as one of the Infomaniac Dancers?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ms Scarlet4:07 AM, November 18, 2010

    I once snapped on rubber gloves and manhandled a mop for a living...
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Princess6:44 AM, November 18, 2010

    I did give that phrase a lot of thought MJ. But given that it was me that would be getting them off the pot...I figured what would be the point? And many a time they waited until they were off the pot anyway... passive aggresive old things...

    ReplyDelete
  17. The Mistress7:05 AM, November 18, 2010

    SCARLET: I once snapped on rubber gloves and manhandled a mop for a living...

    Tread lightly, Miss Scarlet, as you’re feeding into Beast’s rubber glove phobia.

    PRINCESS: I did give that phrase a lot of thought MJ. But given that it was me that would be getting them off the pot...I figured what would be the point? And many a time they waited until they were off the pot anyway... passive aggresive old things...

    You were up shit creek!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tickersoid9:42 AM, November 18, 2010

    I used to chuck the off cuts from the local fish market onto a garbage truck,

    ReplyDelete
  19. KellyRed12:06 PM, November 18, 2010

    I was a foot model in college. Besides the legit jobs of catalog work and such I did "art" photos on the side. I was perfectly aware I catered to the foot fetish lads and didn't care one wit, but it never went on the resume. I still have perfect feet by the way and still get the occasional comment from a stranger. I just smile knowingly, no guy compliments a woman's feet unless he's got a kink.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Karl12:08 PM, November 18, 2010

    Good afternoon MJ,

    Bouncer in a porn movie joint.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The Mistress12:17 PM, November 18, 2010

    TICKERS: I used to chuck the off cuts from the local fish market onto a garbage truck

    As you know, IVD spends a lot of time down at the docks, meeting and greeting the fleets as they come in.

    I’m sure he smells like the fishy off-cuts rotting in the garbage truck.

    KELLY RED: I was a foot model in college. Besides the legit jobs of catalog work and such I did "art" photos on the side. I was perfectly aware I catered to the foot fetish lads and didn't care one wit, but it never went on the resume. I still have perfect feet by the way and still get the occasional comment from a stranger. I just smile knowingly, no guy compliments a woman's feet unless he's got a kink.

    How delightful!

    Mistress MJ has always enjoyed drawing attention to her feet.

    Just make sure you don’t ever disfigure your feet by slipping them into Crocs!

    KARL: Good afternoon MJ,
    Bouncer in a porn movie joint.

    I hope you weren’t responsible for Pee-wee Herman’s arrest!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Kapitano1:13 PM, November 18, 2010

    I was a model.

    No, really. For a group of other teen boys to sit around, sketching and painting me - in the middle of undressing.

    The undressing part was the art teacher's idea. Hmmm.

    There are few things less sexy than holding one pose for two hours solid in the middle of doing something that should take a few seconds.

    And you know the thing about models sleeping with artists? I seem to have missed out on that one. Huh.

    ReplyDelete
  23. ayeM8y1:13 PM, November 18, 2010

    I Went From Door-to-Door
    Salesman...
    To Apartment
    House
    Hustler...

    Actually I never had a Worst job...
    They’re all the worst job.

    But each time I discover that someone else has a far more horrible occupation I say, “I love my job...I love my job...”

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kapitano1:15 PM, November 18, 2010

    BTW, does the Cool Cookie have any examples of his art? They'd make a good Infomanic competition prize.

    ReplyDelete
  25. S.I.D.1:37 PM, November 18, 2010

    Archaeologist ~ I uncovered the old relic that is MJ.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Roses1:48 PM, November 18, 2010

    Unfortunately, yes. I do have a habit of shagging the boss.

    I'm trying not to make the same mistake at my new places of work.

    What can I say? I like men who boss me about.

    ReplyDelete
  27. The Mistress1:53 PM, November 18, 2010

    KAPI: I was a model.
    No, really. For a group of other teen boys to sit around, sketching and painting me - in the middle of undressing.
    The undressing part was the art teacher's idea. Hmmm.
    There are few things less sexy than holding one pose for two hours solid in the middle of doing something that should take a few seconds.
    And you know the thing about models sleeping with artists? I seem to have missed out on that one. Huh.

    What happened if you got a cramp?

    AYEM8Y: I Went From Door-to-Door
    Salesman...
    To Apartment
    House
    Hustler...
    Actually I never had a Worst job...
    They’re all the worst job.
    But each time I discover that someone else has a far more horrible occupation I say, “I love my job...I love my job...”

    And now you’re a truck stop trollop.

    Don’t you just love a happy ending?

    KAPI: BTW, does the Cool Cookie have any examples of his art? They'd make a good Infomanic competition prize.

    Cookie, are you listening?

    SID: Archaeologist ~ I uncovered the old relic that is MJ.

    You experienced the curse of my womb, er, tomb.

    ROSES: Unfortunately, yes. I do have a habit of shagging the boss.
    I'm trying not to make the same mistake at my new places of work.
    What can I say? I like men who boss me about.

    Mistress MJ enjoys bossing you about as well.

    Fix me a drink, would you?

    ReplyDelete
  28. LẌ1:54 PM, November 18, 2010

    @ Roses: That shower grout isn't going to clean itself, you know!

    Did that work?

    ReplyDelete
  29. The Mistress1:55 PM, November 18, 2010

    You can fluff my pillows while you're here, XL.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Kapitano2:07 PM, November 18, 2010

    Anything else need fluffing?

    ReplyDelete
  31. The Mistress2:18 PM, November 18, 2010

    KAPI: Anything else need fluffing?

    That got the houseboys’ attention.

    There’s a queue forming as we speak.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Random Chick3:09 PM, November 18, 2010

    I used to work as a fry cook at H. Salt Fish & Chips. I used to come home reeking of fish. I hated Fridays during lent too. Damn Catholics. Ooops! Did I just say that out loud???

    ReplyDelete
  33. CyberPete4:03 PM, November 18, 2010

    I'm good at anticipating peoples needs before they know it themselves. And making people pay their bills.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Karl4:18 PM, November 18, 2010

    I'm guessing it would be considered inappropriate (considering the knowledge, I now have) to offer Roses a job?

    ReplyDelete
  35. The Mistress4:46 PM, November 18, 2010

    RANDOM: I used to work as a fry cook at H. Salt Fish & Chips. I used to come home reeking of fish. I hated Fridays during lent too. Damn Catholics. Ooops! Did I just say that out loud???

    Those filthy Irish Catholics are the worst.

    *casts sideways glance at SID*

    CYBERPOOF: I'm good at anticipating peoples needs before they know it themselves. And making people pay their bills.

    What are you going to do?

    Throw your Louboutins at them?

    KARL: I'm guessing it would be considered inappropriate (considering the knowledge, I now have) to offer Roses a job?

    Introductions are in order first.

    Karl, Roses.

    Roses, Karl.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Romeo Morningwood5:12 PM, November 18, 2010

    During evenings when I was still in High School I was a short order cook in a downtown bar filled with Prostitutes, Heroin addicts, Cokeheads, and Gangbangers. And those were just my co-workers!

    I got home around 2am and slept through all of my classes so that I'd make it to work.

    ReplyDelete
  37. The Mistress6:07 PM, November 18, 2010

    DONN: During evenings when I was still in High School I was a short order cook in a downtown bar filled with Prostitutes, Heroin addicts, Cokeheads, and Gangbangers. And those were just my co-workers!
    I got home around 2am and slept through all of my classes so that I'd make it to work.

    Isn’t that how Anthony Bourdain got his start?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Kapitano6:24 PM, November 18, 2010

    Here's a good job: Plushie Pornstar

    ReplyDelete
  39. S.I.D.6:45 PM, November 18, 2010

    *anoints Random's forehead with ashes*

    MJ ~ Now a bankrupt filthy Irish catholic thank you very much!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Mitzi 7:24 PM, November 18, 2010

    I use to be a toll booth troll at the Humber Bridge. I was a lone worker and would ease the tedium by pretending to be in the red light district of Amsterdam with my very own window. I would lick my lips suggestively at the drivers and whisper "It's a tenner extra for anal" as I handed them their change.

    ReplyDelete
  41. The Mistress7:27 PM, November 18, 2010

    KAPI: Here's a good job: Plushie Pornstar

    No floppy discs at THAT hard drive party!

    SID: *anoints Random's forehead with ashes*
    MJ ~ Now a bankrupt filthy Irish catholic thank you very much!

    Has the Celtic Tiger lost its stripes?

    *places Irish dumpling in SID’s pot o’ broth*

    Does this mean no Crimbo pressie for me this year?

    MITZI: I use to be a toll booth troll at the Humber Bridge. I was a lone worker and would ease the tedium by pretending to be in the red light district of Amsterdam with my very own window. I would lick my lips suggestively at the drivers and whisper "It's a tenner extra for anal" as I handed them their change.

    Is that how you were able to take early retirement?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Miss Janey7:52 PM, November 18, 2010

    Miss J was a Ten-Cents-a-Dance girl. Some years back she worked at several different hostess clubs in the seedy heart of Los Angeles...

    ReplyDelete
  43. The Mistress8:45 PM, November 18, 2010

    MISS JANEY: Miss J was a Ten-Cents-a-Dance girl. Some years back she worked at several different hostess clubs in the seedy heart of Los Angeles...

    Will you do the Fandango?

    ReplyDelete
  44. CyberPete10:15 PM, November 18, 2010

    No, I kick them wearing my Bridget's Back. That way I can buy them and write them off as a business expense.

    I'm not as dumb as I look sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  45. jason11:02 PM, November 18, 2010

    Private Dick.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Roxy1:53 AM, November 19, 2010

    My resume and my rap sheet read about the same.

    ReplyDelete
  47. The Mistress4:38 AM, November 19, 2010

    CYBERPOOF: No, I kick them wearing my Bridget's Back. That way I can buy them and write them off as a business expense.
    I'm not as dumb as I look sometimes.

    Death by stiletto.

    JASON: Private Dick.

    I’m sure you did a lot of “undercover(s)” work.

    ROXY: My resume and my rap sheet read about the same.

    Lady wrestler?

    ReplyDelete
  48. Salty Miss Jill7:47 PM, November 21, 2010

    School counselor by day, drunk by night. Just like in 'Looking for Mr. Goodbar'.

    ReplyDelete

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