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Sliders on the calculator alter the amount of toilet rolls you have, and the amount of times you go to the toilet everyday.
There are also advanced settings which alter wipes per trip, sheets per wipe, sheets on roll, and the length of your quarantine. So be sure to click on the "Advanced Options" feature.
The average user has 500% more toilet paper than they need for quarantine.
Remember what Tallulah Bankhead said when stuck in a public restroom sans paper. She knocked on the divider and asked her neighbor, "Darling, do you have any toilet tissue over there?" When the answer came back, "No," Tallulah then queried, "Well darling, do you have 2 fives for a ten?"
ReplyDeleteShe'd be stumped in Australia, today ...our money is highly plasticised.
DeleteFifty grit is what
Deleteyou need now,
to reduce the crusties
from your sexual prow.
Forget the ply,
it won't move dried juice,
or whatever fluids,
oozed from your sluice.
You see Norma dear,
granite's like powder,
your ancient stains,
petrified clam chowder.
The soft scent you tender,
rises with heat,
and holds all the promise
of door-to-door meat.
Swipe, sand, or burr grind,
about saggy nethers,
conceal lumpy pavement,
by wearing your leathers.
A much latter day
Miss Emma Peel.
with distilled antibiotics,
their members will heal.
Norma your best bested,
with titanium toys,
delightfully rigid,
save the scraping noise.
Youth and lads,
so sad to inform,
have discovered each other,
in every single dorm.
Fold on the creases,
your pussy's put up.
Men are left parched,
at your loving cup.
So, Norma dearest,
with nary a trickle,
cleanse and refresh,
wear a 5-Day pickle.
And that Dinahmow is your answer! Even in a pandemic, Testy doesn't disappoint!
DeleteThere's a load of shit going on somewhere... Jx
ReplyDeleteWill be able to use it as bunting at Christmas. Nothing is wasted.
ReplyDeleteSx
My mind hurts from such calculating. I'll just stick to coffee filters.
ReplyDeleteI'm horrible at math, so I'll just be a bit more careful. xox
ReplyDeleteDon't use toilet paper at all, just stay on the toilet during it's flush and use your hand.
ReplyDelete"Joseph C. Gayetty created the first ever commercial toilet paper", "Walter Alcocks paper [...] was perforated".
ReplyDeleteYes, Alcock & Gayetti all over the place.
Toilet paper? Oh, dear me, no. I have have the Queen's men in to take care of things down there. After all, if they're good enough for Liz, they're good (and discrete) enough for me!
ReplyDeleteToilet paper, indeed.
Still here, and thanks for your comments. I hope to return soon but in the meantime, I am puzzled yet again by computer issues. I think I just need to update something but I have no clue what I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteHow dare you steal Trump's line!
DeleteI've purchased new software which will arrive next week. I will have someone who knows what they're doing install it for me. I could still blog without it but I'm very low-energy right now. Having computer problems tires me tremendously because I don't understand anything. Sigh.
DeleteOtherwise, all is fine, despite doom, gloom, and toilet paper shortages.
I only recently realized toilet paper in quarantine was such a big deal because Ladies need so very much more of it. I saw a post on Tumblr where some confused young miss asked "If boys don't use toilet paper when they pee, what do they do?" I lick mine.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWhere did Norma's comment go? Perhaps she was offering to shake it for you.
DeleteWell, after he posted his numbers, I might have to wear a glove. A baseball glove.
DeleteWe’re hoarding flour. Loo roll is so last month
ReplyDeleteI am very glad to see you here, alter Schwede !
DeleteYou too Mago! You know what they say, all roads lead to Rome.
DeleteWelcome back, CyberPete!
DeleteAfter all, it seems to be not unreasonable to assume that Mr Testosterone has a kind of inclination towards a certain Irish lady. It could, perhaps, be characterised as "spunky".
ReplyDeleteBesides all the whipe, I hope your software shenanigans worked out well and we'll see you back soon, dearest Mistress.
*mhwah*
(Küsschen auf's Ärschschen)*
* (Is there an "emoji" for this ?)
Mago, I've deleted all those comments. I think that someone must have been posing as Mr. T., using his name, and then making up other names, too.
DeleteIt looked too much like spam to me.
Delete