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As you already know, Mistress MJ is not hostess material.
So I'll ask the question once again...
Does anyone have tips for making the entertaining process more enjoyable and less stressful?
What should I feed them?
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What should I wear?
Where do I even begin?
Your home entertaining tips are welcome, Bitches.
First!
ReplyDeleteBBQ, keep the mess outside..!
ReplyDeleteGrilling also allows the host to prepare side dishes in bulk and way in advance - potato & cold salads, baked beans that are ready to pop in the oven, etc. Barbecue also allows the host the freedom of using disposable plates & tumblers without appearing to be gauche and generally creates a relaxed atmosphere for guests. Also I find that there is always at least one person that would love to watch the grill for a few minutes, thus freeing the host to attend to other things.
Lots of ice, and stock the bar.
WALLY: Good idea but this time, for safety reasons, I need to keep my tits in my blouse.
DeleteMaybe a step stool and longer utensils are in your near future to prevent grill marks on those areolas.
DeleteHAYWARD: You can never have enough tools.
DeleteI got distracted by the "tricks with cheese" article. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteLX: They have menu suggestions for meatless nights…and haven’t we all had a few of those?
Deletehere's a tip:
Deletethe "tricks with cheese?"
make sure it's grated.
I solved this problem loooooong time ago: NEVER HAVE GUESTS!
ReplyDeleteHUGGY JON: Joyeuse fête Nationale du Québec!
DeleteI take it this means you’ll be celebrating the day away from home?
Is it that day already? God, I'd better put my best suit on.
DeleteHUGGY JON: *places hand over heart and sings Gens du pays*
DeleteTrick for cheese: one brick of Velveta Cheese and a can of Rotel tomatoes. Cut cheese into cubes put in microwave bowl, add Rotel and nuke for 4 or so minutes stirring once. Serve with Tortilla chips. SNAP!
ReplyDeleteFashion; I always prefer to wear a bib to a napkin.
GROUCHY: Where were you when I asked what to do with 30 pounds of Velveeta Cheese?
Deletei have the boxed set of those joe bonamo,
ReplyDelete"how to" booklets & refer to them constantly!
NORMA: Oh really? So how’s this one working for you?
DeleteMy favorite Hostess Tip, when you grow bored with your guests, clap your hands loudly together twice, and announce, "The Party's Over!" Then with a sweeping gesture motion all your guests toward the exit. If that fails, grab a butcher knife and stab at the nearest guest while screaming, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
ReplyDeleteAYEM8Y: If you don’t have a butcher knife, an axe will do in a pinch.
DeleteAny advice to make,entertaining more enjoyable? Drink like hell I say!!!!!! Anything else before I depart? Also could you send over the gardener from Saturdays post over to water the gardens whist away? I gave my houseboys off!
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: Better yet, I’ll send AyeM8y over with garden hose.
DeleteIsn’t he divoon?
A pint of cottage cheese, with clam, horse radish & Worcestershiresauce ... must be one of these war time cook books.
ReplyDeleteThere's no need for stress. These people come to see you, and when they saw you all is good.
Make them help and not sitting around idling : Wanna eat - go and cook something ?! Want a conversation - say something !
While your guests slave away in the kitchen preparing the 1 m² of pizza (no onions on my quarter !) you can easily put on a nice gown according to the occasion - little black dress or hazmatsuit, what's the difference ... you must like it, & it should be comfortable for the polka marathon after the pinata.
P.S Nice idea to use these dead rats for the train, but impractical : Someone will step on it !
DeleteMAGO: I could play the documentary “20 Feet from Stardom” for them whilst I cook as I don’t like other cooks in the kitchen. What is it they say? “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” Or is it “brothel?”
DeleteThose dead rats at the base of my gown are actually sausages.
I’ll have them eating at my feet!
Dead rats? I hope your guests aren't from Japan they'll mistake them for the main course and eat them!
DeleteI used to love wuster sauce until one day I looked at the ingredients and discovered it's made from fermented anchovies. It put me right off it.
DeleteMITZI: I thought I smelled a whiff of old fish.
Delete*sprays Febreze liberally*
"I’ll have them eating at my feet!"
DeleteThat's the spirit ! Release your inner GOddess.
MAGO: My inner Goddess is on a rampage.
DeleteFor the lady who loves to entertain
ReplyDeleteMITZI: Apparently not only does her book give tips on entertaining, it gives tips on how to deal with the police!
DeleteI love this line from Cynthia Payne’s description on Wikipedia…
Elderly men paid in luncheon vouchers to dress up in lingerie and be spanked by young women.
At age 81, you can still go to her website and book her as an after-dinner speaker. LET’S!
Good God! If I had over 110 euros to spend on this book I could buy better guests! And that would solve Mistress MJ's problem.
DeleteShe's cynsational!
DeleteKELLY RED: But a used copy is only £0.01!
DeleteMITZI: Cynthia Payne is my new role model.
What to feed them? Alcohol.
ReplyDeleteThus endeth the Dolores Delargo Towers "Entertaining at Home" Information Bulletin.
Jx
JON: You’re the hostess with the mostess.
DeleteSpell-check tried to change that to moistest.
I was going to suggest feeding them Ambian. Then when they woke up 8 hours later, you could tell them they had a fabulous time! Plus, you wouldn't have to worry about what to wear.
ReplyDeleteKELLY RED: Ambien, a sleeping aid that can result in “zombiism.”
DeleteI’m not sure I want a houseful of Zombies.
Have your largest cauldron on the boil for when the guests arrive then just shove 'em in! Only three days later you'll have enough nourishing broth to see you through winter. And those bones? The femurs are excellent to club later unwary visitors with, and you can make glue with the rest to stick your now unconscious late visitors to the ceiling if you're running low on storage space.
ReplyDeleteMR. DeVICE: Excellent advice…I’ll no longer need to purchase my supplies at Skulls Unlimited.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the deleted reply; I had to correct a link. But here is my suggestion:
ReplyDeleteWear a smile and whatever makes you comfortable or fits your party's theme. But if it's a nude party, I suggest laying down plastic over the furniture. If you want it quick and easy and casual, I suggest serving only appetizers or small meals, finger foods, or even sandwiches. Serve buffet or family style, all on the table and people can serve themselves. So you can easily mingle with guests. Wrangle one guest or two to help pass drinks (pink lemonade, wine, etc). Serve vanilla ice cream for dessert. Perfect for hot summer days. LX has a great chicken parmesan recipe.
If your guests are lucky enough to arrive during World Cup Soccer, then turn on the game. Otherwise, some top 40 music or fave music works in the background. Karaoke is fun if you have the equipment (and had enough drinks). Card games such as gin rummy or even poker are fun; UNO and Phase 10 are always fun. Don't forget Charades
I was going to post my quick appetizers here for you, but it turned into a really long reply, so I've created a post just for you!
EROS: Frankly, I am surprised that LX’s culinary repertoire extends beyond his Traditional Cranberries.
DeleteA post just for me? *checks it out*
You had me at “The fabulous and fantastic MJ.”
Lots of good “easy eats” entertaining tips on your post, Eros. Thank you.
MAGO: Bonus…it’s a Canadian production!
One word: CAKE.
ReplyDelete