Piggy - Miss Barnsley 2009
Backstage the air is thick with hairspray and talcum powder. One contestant’s broken a nail (gasp!), one old queen has a run in her hose and another bitch has been nipping at the gin.
Now let’s dim the lights and turn up the volume as the Men of Infomaniac sashay and shante their way down the catwalk in their finest drag.
Hold onto your wigs, bitches!
But before we introduce our contestants, please take note of the rules.
Have a banana while you’re waiting
RULES:
Vote for your favourite drag artiste. (Yes, it's that easy!)
The winner gets to wear the “Miss Cocks in Frocks” tiara for a year AND receives a prize.
You may also select a “Miss Congeniality” if you wish but in return she will get nothing but your admiration.
Voting takes place Tuesday and Wednesday.
We’ll announce the winner on Thursday, May 6th.
Are you ready, bitches?
The 11 contestants set to strut their stuff are, in order of appearance:
CyberPete – Miss Denmark
Ayem8y – Miss Florida
Frobisher – Miss Dorset
Normadesmond – Miss Sunset Boulevard
Mr. Peenee – Miss San Franciso
kabuki zero – Miss Virginia
Old Knudsen – Miss Ulster-Scot
Donn – Miss Winnipeg
Kevin –Miss Toronto
Princess – Miss Australia
Hayward – Miss Cajun
Let’s introduce each diva as she steps out onto the stage.
Here comes our youngest contestant …
CYBERPETE aka PETRA – MISS DENMARK
Isn’t he sweet?
And now make way for our oldest contestant …
AYEM8Y aka NUNYA BEESWAX – MISS FLORIDA
Ayem8y as Eudora Welty
The real Eudora Welty
"My homage to Eudora Welty was created on All Hallows Eve 1985. I thought it would be a novel way to ring her doorbell and have her autograph a book. I imagined a short story about the time she opened the door and saw herself standing on the stoop. When I got there she had tacked up a little note saying, “Please no further autographs tonight as time is needed to finish a project” It was signed in crayon, Eudora Welty. Needless to say I yanked the note off the door immediately."
It seems our contestant from England has had a wardrobe malfunction! …
FROBISHER aka MAVIS BOYLE – MISS DORSET
She may be frumpy but she gets the lads! …
It’s time to bump up the glamour a notch or two now …
NORMADESMOND – MISS SUNSET BOULEVARD
Her alter ego, Ivana Bensova, looking for rich American man who will let her shop in Wal-Mart everyday…
Miss San Francisco really gets around. Here she is seen walking the streets of New Orleans …
MR. PEENEE – MISS SAN FRANCISO
Our next contestant shows off her versatility, going from the caftan to the couch …
KABUKI ZERO – MISS VIRGINIA
That’s kabuki on the left, Felix in Hollywood on the right, and their trick (one assumes) in between
And now for something completely different …
OLD KNUDSEN – MISS ULSTER SCOT
And now let’s hear it for the Canadians! …
DONN aka DONNATELLA – MISS WINNIPEG
KEVIN aka SHIRLEY –MISS TORONTO
"Someone "touched up" my makeup for me before going on...little did I know it was dark plum."
"The medusa was from a Queen of Halloween show a few years ago...still got the wig, too!"
"Garbage bag dress: from the "garbage bag fashion show" of course!"
Our contestant from Down Under …
PRINCESS aka MISS STIFF-FANNY SCREWLOOSE – MISS AUSTRALIA
Introducing our newest Infomaniac bitch …
HAYWARD – aka FRANGELICA HOUSTON - MISS ILLINOIS
"That red dress was a $5 bargain from Thrift City. Wish I still had it but gave it to my cleaning lady who wanted it for church. Make-up was by the lady in polka dots who was much more experienced at this kinda thing. I'm not exactly sure how the night ended but I do remember being asked to do a dining room stage performance at Lucky Cheng's. Good times."
The First Ladies Club ...
"From left: Hilary Clinton, Barbara Bush, Betty Ford, Pat Nixon, Nancy Reagan, Lady Bird Johnson, Jackie (me), Mamie Eisenhower, Eleanor Roosevelt and Rosalynn Carter.
It was a wild day with so many stories. We won Best Group at a costume contest and party-hopped through the French Quarter. It came to an end when we caught Rosalynn alone desperately devouring her peanut necklace. Good times."
A round of applause for our fabulous divas!!!
Note: Mistress MJ was inspired to hold this drag compo after seeing a few of you in drag over at The Hair Hall of Fame.
*awaits hair-pulling, wig-snatching catfight over first place*
Yay first
ReplyDeleteMISS SUNSET BOULEVARD gets my vote!
ReplyDeleteFabulous!
Miss Congeniality you ask? You'd think that would be me wouldn't you, but I'm way too cunty for that. The real Miss Congeniality will be Princess.
By the way, get voting lazy bitches! One would think you'd be all over this as if it were the last pair of strappy sandals at the annual Manolo Blahnik sale.
ReplyDeleteWell, they are all divine, obv.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Pete.
Oh Hai Pete!
Oh hai XL!
ReplyDeleteThanks darling
I have to vote for Miss Toronto - he pulled off red white and black polyester people !!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! The competition is fierce!
ReplyDelete*Waggles index finger up and down and says*
Wooorrrrrkkkkkk!!!!
I'm going to have to employ the same method RuPaul uses when judging drag queens.
I'm looking for these four qualities that defines the drag queen superstar:
Charisma
Uniqueness
Nerve
Talent
And it looks like these ladies have it all!
So much fabulousness. I'm going to need a little time to decide on the winner. It may come down to having the top two lip sync for their lives!
Wonderful job, ladies!
Cunt.
ReplyDeleteI just got that Eroswings..........
ReplyDeleteClearly I need more wine........
Hi Tazzy and Piggy :)
Blogger didn't like my original comment. Bounced me.
ReplyDelete*round of applause for the lovelies*
I'm voting for Princess.
Fabulous! Need a little time, sorry. Con respetto a le donne graziosi!
ReplyDeleteHow does one choose? So many good ones.
ReplyDeleteCyberPete is a clear example of Jason's rule of style, start young.
Ayem8y as Eudora Welty, HA HA HA HA! I love it. Humor is essential.
I love a lady who can entertain a crowd so Frobisher has that covered.
Norma is a classic beauty. You should be a character on Mad Men.
Mr. Peenee and R Man...HOT!!! Just don't let the lady in the lavender hair hurt me. On second thought, bring it on.
Kabuki has range; bright colors to elegant black. A true lady knows how to wear a proper hat.
Old Knudsen is a minimalist. Everyone should have a strapless black bra...and an emergency supply kit.
Donn must be looking for his cigarette.
Kevin has range too; retro to scary to trashy!!
Princess is a show woman! Were you getting a tip in your bra?
As for my vote, I'll go with Ayem8y; clever and funny.
I vote Princess for Congeniality, no question on that one you bitches.
Miss Congeniality: Princess!
ReplyDeleteVice Miss Cocks In Frocks: Mr Peenee, just in case Pete cannot complete his reign.
Well hello there Bitches!
ReplyDeleteDon't we all just look marvelous?
There was just a little nipple tweaking being attempted. And well... what's a gurl to do?
My Goodness Petra, have you been raiding the stem cell supplies?
Nunya, may i suggest waterproof mascara darling, it is most unseemly to be weeping before a show...
Mavis you sly fox... cajoling those boys into a false sense of security... You still have it Dharrling!
Normadesmond/Ivana Bensova
From Class to Crass All in the one package... Big hugs to you.. and work it baby...
Mr Peenee,
Love the Hair, love the glasses, Love the rhinestones....
Miss Kabuki,
Colourful and radiantly glamourous as always...
Miss Ulster Scot,
You should have seen her before the boob job!
Donatella,
What were you thinking?
Shirley,
A woman of substance...
You know dhaarling there are not too many that can get away with wearing yellow.... fortunately...
your one of them.
Frangellica,
True style, sensibility and decorum...Three things that unfortunately I lack.
And to meet such a Veritable 'embrace' of First Ladies... such an honour.
Therefore you get my Vote Dhaarling...
But what's a girl to do...
Come on Bitch's.... Blow it out your arse and get voting!
Sunset Blvd !
ReplyDeleteBITCHES: It's still anybody's game for the tiara at this point!
ReplyDeleteBut we're seeing a favourite emerging for Miss Congeniality.
*breathlessly awaits more votes to be cast*
Somebody get me a drink.
I'm voting for Hayward, First Ladies Club is sheer brilliance and That Red Dress - not surprised the cleaner wanted it for church - I bet she used it to polish the priest's jewels
ReplyDeleteI sooo want the Tiara...Dharrlings!!!
ReplyDeleteWith the new Feather Boa, I've just run up... (as I had to give the old one back to the chook next door, what with winter approaching it only seemed fair)
I can just see me working it into a new routine...
I'm putting on a Show
ReplyDeleteAs we speak....
I vote for Miss Sunset Boulevard. I think it's that Lady Di expression that swayed me over 'Petra's very deceptive butter-wouldn't-melt look.
ReplyDeleteMiss Congeniality has to be Miss Stiff-Fanny Screwloose.
It's a toss-up: Miss Sunset Boulevard is absolutely divine, but Miss San Francisco trumps her in one important category, Best Accessories. Because, as we all know, having a hot, humpy husband like R-Man is even better than a Birkin bag. (Unless it's alligator.)
ReplyDeleteIDV, you owe 'Petra a vote!
ReplyDeleteI'm very disappointed in you and I'm not sure what this will do for our interplanetary relations.
I have to vote for Miss Dorset , as Frobisher knows where I live and I dont want slashed tyres again .
ReplyDeleteI would like to see Donatella , Miss Screwloose and Old Knudsen in a bit of gurl on gurl action
Ya know, there are some serious lookers in this contest. I love the pasty bandaided Knudsen. Love the flaming kaftan. Love Princess just 'cause I love Princess. Oh and let me not forget the amazing Eudora Welty.
ReplyDeleteWhen all is said and done, I have to vote for the sheer hotness of Mr. Peenee. Hothothot. And dang those thighs.
But you're all fabulous.
I forgot to mention Normadesmond as Ivana Bensova. Nice kerchief, and look at those cheekbones.
ReplyDeleteWait, now I'm not sure between Mr. Peenee, Princess, and Normadesmond.
I'll be back.
Only one vote! there's a distinct whiff of anti-English bias here - we've returned Madonna for christsakes.
ReplyDeleteoh, if i can't vote for myself it would be Norma - although Miss Australia a close second
A bevy of lovelies to be sure!
ReplyDeleteI deliberated with myself for hour, I tell you, hours.
Norma.
Holy shit, a tough contest, many things and details to be considered.
ReplyDelete...
"Vote your favorite drag artiste."
Ivana Bensova.
That's Normadesmond, Miss Sunset Boulevard.
Cool.
"Miss Congeniality"
May I opt for a split?
Miss Dorset AND Miss Australia.
"Keep up your good work." :)
Each and everyone of them deserves an extra dip of love.
And Soren should be rewarded for the breast-waxing thing: He's a real tuffy like his lumber jack friend Donatella. Ah the eighties ...
yes, this is difficult. first let me say, bravo to all entrants! everyone looks wonderful!
ReplyDeletenow, to dissect:
ayem8y as eudora is inspired. i really love how he tried to recreate the fact that eudie's lower face isn't.
i knew a mavis boyle once, but she spelled her last name BOIL. actually, she never had to spell it, she merely pointed to any number of them on her face.
mr.peenee, you look amazing in that top photo. so dangerous, so stunning, so edgy. sadly, in the bottom photo you look like a common, yet successful whore.
kabuki and alex, whee! the pigeon sisters? suzy parker and dorian leigh?
the canadians all look very canadian to me. could it be the make-up y'all use?
and frangelica is delightful...much prettier than angelica, but franny should wear long sleeves.
and mistress amongst the ladies! how could you possibly attend this function and not wear the de rigeuer blood spattered pink suit?
this IS very hard, but i'll go with eudora for creativity. mr.peenee, it was very close.
there'll need to be more photos for
ReplyDeleteme to chose miss con-genitalia-lity.
My vote is for Norma for the win, and Penee for Miss Congeniality.
ReplyDeletetough!
ReplyDeleteeager awaiting the misconwhatver-thingy.
I vote for Princess and runner up,
ReplyDeleteKnudsen.
BITCHES: Another busier-than-usual day forces Mistress MJ to recline and self-medicate.
ReplyDeleteCarry on.
You have all day Wednesday to vote if you're still undecided.
And remember...
Clicking on these photos makes some of them bigger!
Will The Mistress be requiring any fluffing services tonight?
ReplyDeleteFeet?
ReplyDeleteI'm casting my vote for Mr Peenee; there's such insouciance in the 2nd pose!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to all the entrants; what a lovely bunch of bitches!
I'm dismally over vamped by the competition....
ReplyDeletewaaaaaaaaay outta this League of beauties.
I'm goin' with Normadesmond because she is a class act.
Pete where are my Freakin Green Elf Shorts? I need to put my blog out of it's misery and go out in style..
puhleeze :)
Is Kabuki wearing a deconstructed pinata? Fabulous, she gets my vote and as many other fake ones as I can rustle up.
ReplyDeleteThis is all terribly civilised.
ReplyDelete*pours Mistress a glass of champagne*
Sorry, it's only the Bolly, Cyberpete drank all my Moet.
It's taken me some time to evaluate these wonderful contestants. They're all so fierce and fabulous in their own way. I've had to apply the RuPaul method of judging such fantastic queens based on Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent.
ReplyDeleteMs Petra/CP's score
Charisma: Yes. This pic exudes innocence.
Uniqueness: There is a strong sense of style.
Nerve: There's a hint of daring in the eyes.
Talent: A budding sense of fashion is apparent.
Overall, a fresh, phenomenal presentation with the promise of bigger and better things to come.
Ms Nunya Beeswax/Ayem8y's score
Charisma: She certainly grabs attention!
Uniqueness: A definite standout.
Nerve: It takes balls to dress up like that.
Talent: Taking that note from Ms Wetley's door shows ingenuity!
What a sense of humor and adventure to dress up like the person you're going to meet! And what quick wit to take that handwritten (colored) note as a winning prize for your efforts! This pirate knows which booty to plunder!
Ms Mavis Boyle/Frobi's score
Charisma: She can draw a crowd.
Uniqueness: It's the signature glasses in all her looks.
Nerve: She likes to show off her huge pearl necklaces!
Talent: Getting drunk people to strip is a wonderful talent!
With a style all her own, Mavis is certainly serving up entertainment to a hungry crowd.
Ms Sunset Boulevard/Normadesmond's score
ReplyDeleteCharisma: She is a socialite and domestic goddess!
Uniqueness: She's got that naughty and nice look down.
Nerve: There is fire under that demure expression.
Talent: Looking fabulous!
Ms Ivana Bensova is clearly Ms Photogenic! She certainly knows how to strike a pose! Vogue!
Ms San Francisco/Mr Peenee's score
Charisma: She can attract the best of them.
Uniqueness: She stands above all the others.
Nerve: She is fearless to strut in a lingerie in public.
Talent: Looking like she owns the world when she's out and about!
Clearly, Ms San Francisco is fierce and confident! She's got fantastic legs and she knows how to use them! Whether that man next to her is her pimp or her customer, his smile confirms that Ms San Francisco guarantees a good time!
Ms Kabuki Zero's score
Charisma: She has a style all her own.
Uniqueness: Her fashion sense.
Nerve: She not afraid to be unusual.
Talent: Infusing ancient theater make up with club wigs.
Ms Kabuki Zero certainly knows how to take different elements to create her highly stylized art look.
Ms Ulster Scot/Old Knudsen's score
Charisma: She is a tease!
Uniqueness: The creative use of bandaids as fashion!
Nerve: She not afraid to show her smooth flat chest.
Talent: Boobquake.
You have to admire someone who shows the world that it's not the size of the boobies that matter, but what you do with them that really counts!
Ms Donnatella/Donn's score
ReplyDeleteCharisma: It's that devil may care attitude!
Uniqueness: Standing out in any environment.
Nerve: There is sass in this lass.
Talent: Turning ordinary into extraordinary.
Donatella Versace wishes she looked this good as a blonde! Woorrrkkk!!!!
Ms Shirley/Kevin's score
Charisma: She is the center of attention.
Uniqueness: She is a chameleon with all her fab looks.
Nerve: She is not afraid to take risks in public.
Talent: Taking bold colors and styles and making them memorable.
She is like supermodel Linda Evangelista with all her different, dazzling looks.
Ms Stiff-Fanny Screwloose/Princess's score
Charisma: She is popular.
Uniqueness: Her vivacious spirit.
Nerve: She sashays in lingerie in public.
Talent: She is the life of the party!
Ms Stiff-Fanny knows how to party and have a good time!
Ms Frangelica Houston/Hayward's score
Charisma: She is a foxy lady!
Uniqueness: She exudes class and style.
Nerve: It takes balls to dress up like a First Lady!
Talent: Standing out while surrounded by many fabulous women!
Ms Francelica Houston looks stunning, amazing hair and make up and impeccable sense of style.
Wonderful job, ladies! I had a hard time deciding who to vote for, because all the entries were one of a kind and sensational. But in the end, I cast my vote for Princess/Miss Stiff-Fanny. And while all the ladies were magnificent and marvelous, Princess was the only one to show true mastery of the Tuck, the art of taking your junk and tucking it in your trunk! It is the secret weapon and the hallmark of a true drag queen artiste!
ReplyDeleteMr Peenee gets my vote for Ms Congeniality, because he also wore lingerie in public and showed off his shape!
Fantastic job, ladies (and gentlemen), and thanks to all of you for sharing your awesome pics with us!
Oh Mr Swings,
ReplyDeleteWere it within my comfort zone and genetic predilection, as a small token of my gratitude for your kind words, I would ravish you with unspeakable (and illegal in several States) favours.
:)
and Pete,
where are my FGES?
Hush! I'm feeling guilty enough as it is :-(
ReplyDeleteBITCHES: There’s still time to vote for Miss Cocks in Frocks and Miss Congeniality.
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ is going out for the evening but will announce the winner when she returns home.
Good luck, bitches!
p.s. If you think there is any hope in hell of us catching up with reading your blogs today, you are sadly mistaken.
*flounces off*
Princess appears to have all the necessary spunk and congeniality...
ReplyDeleteYet Normadesmond takes my vote for the sceptre and orb - she has that essential je ne sais quoi...
Is it the Mona Lisa smile?
(or is it the regal ermine and pearls?)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete