Thursday, October 22, 2009

I’m Listening

Tell your troubles to Mistress MJ …

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49 comments:

  1. Jenny11:16 PM, October 21, 2009

    I got no problems. I'm first!

    **skips around looks for XL**

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jenny11:17 PM, October 21, 2009

    OK, that's not true. I have high cholesterol, high blood sugar and I was told to cut back on my sugar AND alcohol intake.

    Good thing I didn't mention the heroin. Whew.

    ReplyDelete
  3. savannah11:19 PM, October 21, 2009

    second...*sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  4. savannah11:20 PM, October 21, 2009

    wait, i am cool with second. i haven't been close to second in ages! i mean, i was first last week, but that was a fluke. what's this post about anyway? xoxoxoxo

    Oh Hai boxer!

    ReplyDelete
  5. LẌ11:43 PM, October 21, 2009

    3rd! That's the bronze medal!

    Oh Hai Boxer & Savannah!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Leah11:43 PM, October 21, 2009

    OH, Mistress, where do I even begin?

    ReplyDelete
  7. LẌ11:45 PM, October 21, 2009

    Problems? The dentist prescribed Vicodin. I've got no problems!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jenny11:47 PM, October 21, 2009

    Oh hai Savannah - Second is the new First!

    Oh Hai XL and Leah! XL, may I have the name and number of your dentist?

    ReplyDelete
  9. eroswings11:49 PM, October 21, 2009

    I have to do some serious de-cluttering this weekend.

    That's a lot of stuff I have to sort through, and it's going to take up all of my free time.


    And what kind of health plan do I need to access a health care provider of that caliber? She looks very well endowed with competence and compassion.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ponita in Real Life11:59 PM, October 21, 2009

    Does that mean she's a double C cup, Eros???

    My troubles? Oh, you don't want me to begin... do you?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ponita in Real Life12:00 AM, October 22, 2009

    Oh Hai, Boxer, Savannah, XL, Leah and Eros!!!!

    ~waves happily~

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ponita in Real Life12:01 AM, October 22, 2009

    Well, after all that, I have to skeedaddle now. Gots ta get some sleep - getting up before the crack of freakin' dawn for a day shift.

    Have a wonderful evening, everyone!

    Toodle-ooooo!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous12:05 AM, October 22, 2009

    I'd probably have more issues after a session like this. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  14. CyberPete12:06 AM, October 22, 2009

    You are naked. Put on some clothes for gods sake

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ginro12:56 AM, October 22, 2009

    Definitely something wrong with that guy. He's looking at the ceiling.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1:39 AM, October 22, 2009

    Holy fucking missile tits! I'd party with her.

    Wil Harrison.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. BEAST1:44 AM, October 22, 2009

    Dear Miss MJ , I keep seeing nekkid people , especially on Fridays
    Is it fatal ???

    ReplyDelete
  18. Kapitano2:22 AM, October 22, 2009

    Dear Mistress MJ

    I think I'm getting bored with porn. It's all the same and the acting's terrible. It's getting so I'm starting to follow the plot.

    How can I make porn and wanking the center of my existence again?


    Only watching six hours a day,
    Kapitano

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ms Scarlet4:26 AM, October 22, 2009

    I can't find a Christmas tree.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  20. The Jelly Monster7:06 AM, October 22, 2009

    her boobies are weird, can we have some sexy boobies please and thank u mistress mj

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ginro8:07 AM, October 22, 2009

    Boobies are in all shapes and sizes
    And are wonderful to be*hold*
    They are soft and warm and cuddly
    Especially when it's cold

    Implanted ones are horrible
    You might as well play with a balloon
    They look and feel like silly putty
    I'd rather suck on a prune

    And as I lie here gazing up
    Two pillows catch my eye
    I wonder how on earth I managed
    To type this whilst I was lying on my back

    I'm a poet and don't realise.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Leah9:20 AM, October 22, 2009

    All my soufflees are falling.

    ReplyDelete
  23. The Mistress9:40 AM, October 22, 2009

    BOXER: I got no problems. I'm first!
    **skips around looks for XL**
    OK, that's not true. I have high cholesterol, high blood sugar and I was told to cut back on my sugar AND alcohol intake.
    Good thing I didn't mention the heroin. Whew.

    Here at Infomaniac, you may ignore your physician and indulge in cakes and ale.

    And the shooting gallery is down the hall and to the right.

    SAVANNAH: second...*sigh*
    wait, i am cool with second. i haven't been close to second in ages! i mean, i was first last week, but that was a fluke. what's this post about anyway?

    Judging by your confused state, you’ve already been to the shooting gallery.

    XL: 3rd! That's the bronze medal!

    If commenting had an Olympics, you’d win the gold.

    LEAH: OH, Mistress, where do I even begin?

    We suggest at the beginning.

    XL: Problems? The dentist prescribed Vicodin. I've got no problems!

    You make me wanna sing along.

    BOXER: Oh hai Savannah - Second is the new First!
    Oh Hai XL and Leah! XL, may I have the name and number of your dentist?

    I believe it’s the dentist from Little Shop of Whores.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The Mistress9:41 AM, October 22, 2009

    EROS: I have to do some serious de-cluttering this weekend.
    That's a lot of stuff I have to sort through, and it's going to take up all of my free time.
    And what kind of health plan do I need to access a health care provider of that caliber? She looks very well endowed with competence and compassion.

    Now can you see why your President is endorsing health care reform and citing Canada as a role model?

    PONITA: My troubles? Oh, you don't want me to begin... do you?

    No. I don’t.

    MICHAEL RIVERS: I'd probably have more issues after a session like this. LOL

    Especially when I remove my steno pad and go all Sharon Stone on you.

    CYBERPOOF: You are naked. Put on some clothes for gods sake

    How can I when you’ve borrowed every frock in my closet?

    GINRO: Definitely something wrong with that guy. He's looking at the ceiling.

    That is where we keep our pencils.

    WIL: Holy fucking missile tits! I'd party with her.

    But would you spank her?

    ReplyDelete
  25. The Mistress9:41 AM, October 22, 2009

    BEAST: Dear Miss MJ , I keep seeing nekkid people , especially on Fridays
    Is it fatal ???

    *measures Beast for coffin*

    KAPI: Dear Mistress MJ
    I think I'm getting bored with porn. It's all the same and the acting's terrible. It's getting so I'm starting to follow the plot.
    How can I make porn and wanking the center of my existence again?
    Only watching six hours a day,
    Kapitano

    *Krazy-glues Kapi’s willy back on*

    There. You’re good to go again.

    SCARLET: I can't find a Christmas tree.

    The first one to mention Crimbo goes to the oubliette!

    JELLY MONSTER: her boobies are weird, can we have some sexy boobies please and thank u mistress mj

    Maxi put you up to this, didn’t he?

    GINRO: Boobies are in all shapes and sizes
    And are wonderful to be*hold*
    They are soft and warm and cuddly
    Especially when it's cold

    Implanted ones are horrible
    You might as well play with a balloon
    They look and feel like silly putty
    I'd rather suck on a prune

    And as I lie here gazing up
    Two pillows catch my eye
    I wonder how on earth I managed
    To type this whilst I was lying on my back

    I'm a poet and don't realise.

    The Infomaniac All Girl Revue want to set this to music.

    LEAH: All my soufflees are falling.

    Isn’t a soufflé just a glorified CAKE?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Mitzi 10:33 AM, October 22, 2009

    I recently purchased a pair of trousers from NEXT and when I got them home I noticed they had three legs and no gusset, am I entitled to a refund?

    ReplyDelete
  27. The Mistress10:58 AM, October 22, 2009

    MITZI: I recently purchased a pair of trousers from NEXT and when I got them home I noticed they had three legs and no gusset, am I entitled to a refund?

    Keep them.

    First of all, roll up the third leg and insert it discreetly into your belt loop.

    If a tear or hole develops in one of the legs, cut it off, and then simply unroll the third leg and voila!...your trousers are like new again!

    ReplyDelete
  28. The Jelly Monster11:07 AM, October 22, 2009

    Nope I just love boobies in general, well nice big ones real or fake

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ginro11:57 AM, October 22, 2009

    WooHoo! PYE record label here I come!

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Mistress12:05 PM, October 22, 2009

    JELLY MONSTER: Nope I just love boobies in general, well nice big ones real or fake

    Yay! Hoorah for boobies!

    GINRO: WooHoo! PYE record label here I come!

    Oooooooo…you and Des O'Connor.

    ReplyDelete
  31. KAZ12:12 PM, October 22, 2009

    I'm in Spain and my postcard is in Manchester.
    How can I sleep for the next four nights?

    ReplyDelete
  32. CyberPete12:21 PM, October 22, 2009

    You can have the lemon yellow pants suit with pink feather trim back.

    I would not be caught dead near it, let alone wear it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The Mistress12:43 PM, October 22, 2009

    KAZ: I'm in Spain and my postcard is in Manchester.
    How can I sleep for the next four nights?

    You MUST return ASAP!

    In the meantime, we suggest copious amounts of vodka as a sleep aid.

    CYBERPOOF: You can have the lemon yellow pants suit with pink feather trim back.
    I would not be caught dead near it, let alone wear it.

    And you can get my cha cha heels off your big feet!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ginro2:51 PM, October 22, 2009

    "Kaz said: How can I sleep for the next four nights?"

    Tell him to leave you alone.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Geoff3:03 PM, October 22, 2009

    How do you stop panic attacks? I woke up with a start and began to shake like Elvis last night!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous3:21 PM, October 22, 2009

    Dear Mistress MJ, I have this sore on my ass that won't go away...can you help me?

    ReplyDelete
  37. The Mistress3:29 PM, October 22, 2009

    GINRO: "Kaz said: How can I sleep for the next four nights?"
    Tell him to leave you alone.

    KAZ is irresistible therefore this is not a reasonable solution.

    GEOFF: How do you stop panic attacks? I woke up with a start and began to shake like Elvis last night!

    Well Lawdy Miss Clawdy, you’re All Shook Up.

    But I believe XL has some Vicodin.

    RANDOM: Dear Mistress MJ, I have this sore on my ass that won't go away...can you help me?

    The sore on your ass is punishment for being away for so long.

    Deal with it or I’ll give you something to REALLY cry about.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous4:09 PM, October 22, 2009

    Dear Miss MJ , Being a 50 something male ,I find myself frequently dressing as a Frumpy Old Maid. Should I run for local public office???

    ReplyDelete
  39. Piggy and Tazzy4:11 PM, October 22, 2009

    Beast troubles me.

    ReplyDelete
  40. The Mistress4:15 PM, October 22, 2009

    ANON: Dear Miss MJ , Being a 50 something male ,I find myself frequently dressing as a Frumpy Old Maid. Should I run for local public office???

    Oh, hello Mr. Frobisher.

    PIGGY: Beast troubles me.

    Beast was in church last Sunday.

    That alone is cause for concern.

    ReplyDelete
  41. CyberPete4:37 PM, October 22, 2009

    No way!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous6:02 PM, October 22, 2009

    Troubles?
    None.

    You got mail?

    ReplyDelete
  43. jason6:47 PM, October 22, 2009

    Dear Mistress,

    I think I may be a homosexual. What can I do about it?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Ginro7:41 PM, October 22, 2009

    I've been taking dance lessons. This is really hot, I think Des O'Connor would approve -

    Face Down

    ReplyDelete
  45. The Mistress10:13 PM, October 22, 2009

    CYBERPOOF: No way!!

    Way.

    MAGO: Troubles?
    None.
    You got mail?

    Mail? Uh, no.

    Should I?

    JASON: Dear Mistress,
    I think I may be a homosexual. What can I do about it?

    Come on over and rearrange my furniture.

    And then style my hair.

    The whole time you’re doing this you should be singing show tunes.

    And while you’re at it, I’d like some poppers.

    GINRO: I've been taking dance lessons. This is really hot, I think Des O'Connor would approve -
    Face Down

    You’re awfully stiff.

    Try swiveling your hips a little more.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Ginro1:15 AM, October 23, 2009

    As the actress said to the bishop. *flutters his eyelashes*

    ReplyDelete
  47. ayeM8y4:15 PM, October 23, 2009

    Well doctor MJ it all started some 35 years ago when my parents decided to raise me as a girl...

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous7:41 PM, October 23, 2009

    Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  49. The Mistress10:39 PM, October 23, 2009

    GINRO: As the actress said to the bishop. *flutters his eyelashes*

    That’s lovely, Miss Ginny.

    AYEM8Y: Well doctor MJ it all started some 35 years ago when my parents decided to raise me as a girl...

    They must be very proud of you now that you’ve been featured in the Truck Stop Fall Fashion Preview.

    MAGO: Yes.

    Oh my!

    I’ll check my box (ahem) in the morning!

    ReplyDelete

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