Wednesday, September 30, 2009

You WILL Be Prettier!

Mistress MJ is fed up with you lot looking frumpy and unkempt.

Watch this brief video clip and take note!


[via]

"You WILL be prettier, you WILL be more popular!" Dammit!

This important message is brought to you by the Infomaniac House of Beauty.

33 comments:

  1. you just ruined years of therapy with this video. I hope you're happy.

    Hai XL! Firsty, firsty, first!

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  2. Blimey , you will need more than a magic wand to do something with the ghastly old drudges that frequent Infomaniac. :-)

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  3. Either they're vampires or this was before they used blush! I've seen cadavers with better coloring!

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  4. She has a waist now!

    We will be prettier. Of course we will.

    Don't forget to mention that we want none of that new fashioned Sarah Jessica Horse Face ho look.

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  5. Yay it's still my birthday in Canada!

    Lovely!

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  6. I had a girlfriend a few years back, I was 30 she was 22, who would not believe me that unkempt was actually a word. She wasn't entirely brilliant, but I did touch her liberally in her Secret Lady Place.

    Wil Harrison.com

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  7. And she will be taller, too!



    Oh Hai Firsty, firsty, first! Boxer & Pete!

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  8. That bloody old witch. Once she realised that her wand worked there was no stopping her! You couldn't move in her town for bouffanted, A-line skirted women. Men, too.

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  9. Beast:
    'Ghastly old drudges'!!!??
    Wait 'til Scarlet gets here. We'll give you a right seeing to.
    ..and not in a good way.

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  10. Wait...you're supposed to put makeup on your face?!

    I thought you were supposed to put it where people looked.

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  11. ***Beast Mans the Barricades using Pete as a human shield against the hordes of Infomaniac harpies***

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  12. Oi Beastie!

    Stop feeling me up! Naughty boy.

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  13. *Catapaults Mr Beastie out of Infomanic window with a pair of his sparkly spandex pants*

    *Throws fruitbowl after him*

    *plumps everyone's pillows*

    *Sprays fabreze*

    *Goes to lie down in the plaid room*

    My work is done.

    Sx

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  14. 'Infomanic' has a certain ring to it...
    Sx

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  15. Is it just me or did the Instructress look like The Wicked Witch of the Waist?

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  16. Not much of a makeover is it. Mutton dressed as mutton. She looks like the then Princess Elizabeth circa 1945. I would have dressed her in a red full length, backless, bugle-beaded evening gown, slit to the hip with a plunging neckline to the waist, showing cleavage, a hint of rouge (then called) and a beauty spot placed on the fleshiest part will enhance her bountiful knockers. Long black evening gloves and a monkey stole fur, to finish her off.

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  17. BOXER: you just ruined years of therapy with this video. I hope you're happy.

    We here at Infomaniac are planning to open a counselling centre should you find you’re not coping.

    BEAST: Blimey , you will need more than a magic wand to do something with the ghastly old drudges that frequent Infomaniac. :-)

    Ghastly old drudges?!

    KAZ and Miss Scarlet will be ‘round to deal with you later.

    EROS: Either they're vampires or this was before they used blush! I've seen cadavers with better coloring!

    Too much face powder, Mr. Swings.

    Did you know that early face powder contained arsenic?

    That could account for the deathly pallor.

    CYBERPOOF: She has a waist now!
    We will be prettier. Of course we will.
    Don't forget to mention that we want none of that new fashioned Sarah Jessica Horse Face ho look.


    No horse-face-ho look.

    *makes note*

    CYBERPOOF: Yay it's still my birthday in Canada!

    Not anymore, beyotch!

    WIL: I had a girlfriend a few years back, I was 30 she was 22, who would not believe me that unkempt was actually a word. She wasn't entirely brilliant, but I did touch her liberally in her Secret Lady Place.

    Was her Secret Lady Place unkempt?

    XL: And she will be taller, too!

    The rack that we keep in the oubliette could have accomplished the same lengthening.


    IVD: That bloody old witch. Once she realised that her wand worked there was no stopping her! You couldn't move in her town for bouffanted, A-line skirted women. Men, too.

    *sudden urge to Photoshop beehive hairdo onto IVD*

    KAZ: Beast:
    'Ghastly old drudges'!!!??
    Wait 'til Scarlet gets here. We'll give you a right seeing to.
    ..and not in a good way.


    Would you mind stopping by Tesco’s on your way home to purchase an industrial-sized bottle of Febreze?

    We’re running low since Miss Scarlet started fumigating.

    KAPI: Wait...you're supposed to put makeup on your face?!
    I thought you were supposed to put it where people looked.


    We’re sure your buttocks look quite comely so carry on.

    BEAST: ***Beast Mans the Barricades using Pete as a human shield against the hordes of Infomaniac harpies***

    You’re lucky it’s not the time of month where Mistress MJ throws her flaming uterus at you!

    CYBERPOOF: Oi Beastie!
    Stop feeling me up! Naughty boy.


    I think that was Kapitano.

    SCARLET: *Catapaults Mr Beastie out of Infomanic window with a pair of his sparkly spandex pants*
    *Throws fruitbowl after him*
    *plumps everyone's pillows*
    *Sprays fabreze*
    *Goes to lie down in the plaid room*
    My work is done.


    Thank gawd you’re here Miss Scarlet.

    You’ve done everything in your power.

    Shall I raise the drawbridge to the moat to make sure Beast doesn’t get back in?

    SCARLET: 'Infomanic' has a certain ring to it...

    I shall answer the call.

    DONN: Is it just me or did the Instructress look like The Wicked Witch of the Waist?

    Did you notice the winged monkeys at her side?

    MITZI: Not much of a makeover is it. Mutton dressed as mutton. She looks like the then Princess Elizabeth circa 1945. I would have dressed her in a red full length, backless, bugle-beaded evening gown, slit to the hip with a plunging neckline to the waist, showing cleavage, a hint of rouge (then called) and a beauty spot placed on the fleshiest part will enhance her bountiful knockers. Long black evening gloves and a monkey stole fur, to finish her off.

    Princess Elizabeth circa 1945? Yes, she does!

    Bountiful knockers? If she has a large behind, she’ll also have bountiful knickers.

    You’re hired to whip these bitches into shape.

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  18. Oh hai xl, ms Scarlet and CyberPete.

    Mistress, I watched the video as instructed and would like to find out where this paragon of fashion is lurking.

    I really must get some waist high A-line skirts and pastel blouses...perhaps that way, one day I too may be popular. Perhaps I might even find a man to make my life complete.

    Until then...CyberPete...how about another glass of red?

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  19. No wonder why my Mother In Law is so messed up.

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  20. ROSES: Mistress, I watched the video as instructed and would like to find out where this paragon of fashion is lurking.
    I really must get some waist high A-line skirts and pastel blouses...perhaps that way, one day I too may be popular. Perhaps I might even find a man to make my life complete.
    Until then...CyberPete...how about another glass of red?


    Perhaps if you stopped spending all your free time with poofs like CyberPete, you’d be able to meet a man.

    RANDOM: No wonder why my Mother In Law is so messed up.

    I see that you too could benefit from the Infomaniac Counselling Centre.

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  21. Well I'm pretty and pretty unpopular. Nobody talks to pretty ol' me.

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  22. I wish it were Kapi!

    Kapi is hawt!

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  23. GEOFF: Well I'm pretty and pretty unpopular. Nobody talks to pretty ol' me.

    Stand in front of the mirror and let THIS be your mantra…

    See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
    Who can that attractive girl be?
    Such a pretty face,
    Such a pretty dress,
    Such a pretty smile,
    Such a pretty me!

    CYBERPOOF: I wish it were Kapi!
    Kapi is hawt!


    Who’s it going to be?

    Just yesterday you were slobbering over Donn.

    NORMADESMOND: said the spider to the fly.

    Exactly.

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  24. HEFF: Manscaping ? No.

    You just wait ‘til I get my hedge clippers on you!

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  25. Arsenic and "Bleiweiß", poor ELizabeth had to suffer from it - the pale face a la mode. But (later) powders were made from beans (Bohnenpulver) what was used for wigs too (18th cent.), and stone - this very light "Tuff" from Italy and other of this kind were grinded, at least I read that somewhere. Chalk was also used. It's tough to find literature and receipts.

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  26. MAGO: Thank you for this fascinating tidbit of information!

    I shall explore it further.

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  27. I am pleased to serve you a tittbite.

    ReplyDelete