What if you all starred in an Infomaniac-produced adult movie?
At first we considered making a male-only gay porn film.
But we know some of you would feel left out so everyone’s invited to star.
Those who are camera-shy may prefer a behind-the-scenes role.
You all have a say in the script.
Well? Make it up as you go along, bitches.
Lights, camera, ACTION!
I bags NOT being fluffer - OH! and Erik Rhodes has to play me - but only when he is on his meds.
ReplyDeleteHot - but crazy.
(OKay - not crazy - intensely moody and I'll leave it at that)
OH!~ and first bitches.
I'll volunteer as body makeup artist and hydraulic prosthetics gaffer.
ReplyDeleteYou know the skeezy old man who lures the hot young pizza boy into a life of ass-play and interpretive danse? That's me.
ReplyDeletewho is this Damien? Where is XL? What blog is this?
ReplyDeletewhy am I stating to sweat......
Dammit, I am not gonna be Best Boy!
ReplyDeleteWil Harrison.com
DAMIEN: I bags NOT being fluffer - OH! and Erik Rhodes has to play me - but only when he is on his meds.
ReplyDeleteHot - but crazy.
(OKay - not crazy - intensely moody and I'll leave it at that)
OH!~ and first bitches.
Is this your first first?
Seth Rogen informs us that he wants to be your understudy.
Or did he say he wants to study UNDER you?
JASON: I'll volunteer as body makeup artist and hydraulic prosthetics gaffer.
Talk about multi-tasking.
Remember to blend, blend, blend!
We could call your on-site makeup studio “Jason’s Booty Parlour”!
MR. PEENEE: You know the skeezy old man who lures the hot young pizza boy into a life of ass-play and interpretive danse? That's me.
The role you were born to play!
When you rang for pizza, did you order the “Meat Lover’s Special?”
BOXER: who is this Damien? Where is XL? What blog is this?
why am I stating to sweat......
Damien is FIRST FIRST FIRST!
Our makeup artiste JASON will have to do something about those sweat streaks.
WIL: Dammit, I am not gonna be Best Boy!
The “grip” position is still up for grabs.
I have a nice grip - unlike that dirty cunt Damien who's quite slack, I've heard.
ReplyDeletePIGGY: I have a nice grip - unlike that dirty cunt Damien who's quite slack, I've heard.
ReplyDeleteYou’re Damien’s prison bitch so you should know.
Damien can’t possibly be as slack as IVD though.
I'll be the fluffer, I frequently get called upon to do that job on location - I'm used to brushing the dust off and getting the action rolling again.
ReplyDeleteMJ -Yes it is my first first - but I am not surprised that I got first on a PORN post - Oink
ReplyDeletePig & Taz - Why are you out of the hole? It rubs the lotion on it's skin - or it gets the hose again!!!!!
Boxer - there there darling - I have a counsellor for you on speed dial
MJ - Seth has to be my personal assistant - very personal ass...........
ReplyDeleteKapitano - Fluffer
ReplyDeleteKnudsen - Old Duffer
Anonymous Boxer - Cuffer
Piggy - Guffer
Geoff - Puffer
CyberPete - Puffter
Beast - Stuffer
Mutley the Dog - Wuffer / Snuffler
MJ - ... Muffer!
I'll happily be the woman who has a slow and marvellous foot rub!
ReplyDeleteI'll pass on anything too energetic, I might spill my drink.
As you know I regularly perform in Truck Stop Porn.
ReplyDeleteDay in and Day out, god I’m so sick of co-starring with Day, he’s such a fuck pig always hogging the camera! I have to say to him, “Day...Get out of me and get out of my truck”.
Today, and for a change I would like to suggest something different like a vintage soft core drive-in inspired porno. Maybe a retelling of the ribald classic, Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Starring Mitzi as Lady Chatterley and featuring her vagina with teeth, that chatter away incessantly while she screws the household help. I call dibs on being her excessively faggy upstairs maid that only wears a French maid apron, fish nets, stilettos, and an enormous feather duster. Jason can be her young Fabio inspired lover. Peenee as the zany chauffer, and Mistress as the exotic countess who lives one castle away over the hill, who acts as Mitzi’s sexually advanced mentor.
Oh there are dozens of parts to go around...
Well. I missed both FIRST! and the fluffer position.
ReplyDeleteOK. I would like to play Guy Caballero.
I see nobody has thought about Food. I believe Union rules mandate that movie crews have to be fed every six hours.
ReplyDeleteWELL?
Where's LaDiva?
LULU: I'll be the fluffer, I frequently get called upon to do that job on location - I'm used to brushing the dust off and getting the action rolling again.
ReplyDeleteYou’ll have to fight it out with Kapitano, a man who has carved out a reputation in the industry.
By the way, we’ve seen your equipment.
DAMIEN: MJ -Yes it is my first first - but I am not surprised that I got first on a PORN post – Oink
Oink, you say?
That’s Piggy’s only line in the film and you have the nerve to upstage him?
KAPI: Kapitano - Fluffer
Knudsen - Old Duffer
Anonymous Boxer - Cuffer
Piggy - Guffer
Geoff - Puffer
CyberPete - Puffter
Beast - Stuffer
Mutley the Dog - Wuffer / Snuffler
MJ - ... Muffer!
Coming up with more jobs than this would be …. tuffer!
Thanks for sending an audition tape but there was no need to as it’s no secret that you’re the best fluffer in the industry.
What’s the title of your upcoming film?
ROSES: I'll happily be the woman who has a slow and marvellous foot rub!
I'll pass on anything too energetic, I might spill my drink.
Oh? You’re just assuming there’s a foot masseur on the set?
Allow me to hold your drink while you steady yourself.
AYEM8Y: As you know I regularly perform in Truck Stop Porn.
ReplyDeleteDay in and Day out, god I’m so sick of co-starring with Day, he’s such a fuck pig always hogging the camera! I have to say to him, “Day...Get out of me and get out of my truck”.
Today, and for a change I would like to suggest something different like a vintage soft core drive-in inspired porno. Maybe a retelling of the ribald classic, Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Starring Mitzi as Lady Chatterley and featuring her vagina with teeth, that chatter away incessantly while she screws the household help. I call dibs on being her excessively faggy upstairs maid that only wears a French maid apron, fish nets, stilettos, and an enormous feather duster. Jason can be her young Fabio inspired lover. Peenee as the zany chauffer, and Mistress as the exotic countess who lives one castle away over the hill, who acts as Mitzi’s sexually advanced mentor.
Oh there are dozens of parts to go around...
Based on your years of experience in showbiz, we’re giving YOU top billing.
Love your idea of a vintge soft core drive-in inspired porno with Miss Vagina Dentata herself, Mitzi. When IS that bitch coming back from her trolling escapade, anyway?
I can’t imagine teaching Mitzi anything she doesn’t already know but the role of “exotic countess who lives one castle away over the hill” suits me perfectly. Install a moat immediately!
You as the French maid, down on all fours, tickling Jason with your feather duster, is titillating to say the least. Make sure you clean behind the oven while you’re down there.
And wasn’t Mr. Peenee Liberace’s chauffeur at one time?
XL: Well. I missed both FIRST! and the fluffer position.
OK. I would like to play Guy Caballero.
Only if you don’t insist on a “Pledge Week.”
And I’m not entirely convinced you need that wheelchair.
BOXER: I see nobody has thought about Food. I believe Union rules mandate that movie crews have to be fed every six hours.
WELL?
Where's LaDiva?
What’s a film set without craft service?
Tossed salad, anyone?
I don't participate in bi productions but I will give this advise to the participants.
ReplyDeleteAs Tim Gunn says, Make it work
You mean Mago won't massage my feet for our movie?!
ReplyDeletehumpf.
I don't mind you holding my drink, as long as the glass comes back full of red wine.
I'll lean on Ginro in the meantime.
CYBERPOOF: I don't participate in bi productions but I will give this advise to the participants.
ReplyDeleteAs Tim Gunn says, Make it work
Bi bi, then.
And as RuPaul says, You better work it, girl.
ROSES: You mean Mago won't massage my feet for our movie?!
humpf.
I don't mind you holding my drink, as long as the glass comes back full of red wine.
I'll lean on Ginro in the meantime.
Mago’s contract won’t allow it.
Ginro’s still in the oubliette, by the way. I think I hear his muffled cries now.
while you figure your new flick out here, come over to see my new vido starring... CROCS.
ReplyDeleteOh so I'm just second choice then am I? Right, ok, so now I know where I stand...
ReplyDeleteAnd seeing as I spend so much time down there I've been fixing up a TV, Internet etc etc in the oubliette for you MJ. I think I'll pop back down there again if you don't mind...well, whether you mind or not actually. And did you know that when you stand on top of the trapdoor I can see right up your skirt?
BOXER: while you figure your new flick out here, come over to see my new vido starring... CROCS.
ReplyDeleteWe’re cuckoo for your Croc-hating dog!
Thank you for making Mistress MJ’s day!
GINRO: Oh so I'm just second choice then am I? Right, ok, so now I know where I stand...
And seeing as I spend so much time down there I've been fixing up a TV, Internet etc etc in the oubliette for you MJ. I think I'll pop back down there again if you don't mind...well, whether you mind or not actually. And did you know that when you stand on top of the trapdoor I can see right up your skirt?
*gasps*
I don’t believe you.
If you can see right up my skirt, what colour are my undergarments?
Well earlier you weren't wearing any at all. But I am otherwise engaged at the moment arranging the furniture. I hope you don't mind, well actually it doesn't matter if you do or not as it's a fait accompli, but I found your credit card and thought the oubliette could do with some sprucing up. Anyone fancy a cocktail from the new cocktail bar I've installed?
ReplyDeleteHey Roses, send me a pic of your feet and I will consider taking over the message duties.
ReplyDeleteWil Harrison.com
Ginro: I can see right up your skirt
ReplyDeleteMJ: If you can see right up my skirt, what colour are my undergarments?
Is that the next competition? Guess the colour (and size) of Mistress MJ's underthings.
And the prize is...Mistress MJ's underthings!
70, as always. I'll also volunteer to help load ayem8tey's tackle onto the flatbed trailer whenever we change location.*copius drooling commences*
ReplyDeleteoo!oo! also bagsies Beasts' wardrobe matron and mistress of wigs! *surveys vast empire of wigs with a calm yet masterful eye* I will guard the dildo hat, the one presently being taken on its maiden(ahem)voyage in bournemouths first Love parade!
ReplyDeleteI'll serve drinks.
ReplyDeleteNobody 'oinks' better than Cute Wee Me.
ReplyDeleteAnd what the fucks a 'guffer'?
GINRO: Well earlier you weren't wearing any at all. But I am otherwise engaged at the moment arranging the furniture. I hope you don't mind, well actually it doesn't matter if you do or not as it's a fait accompli, but I found your credit card and thought the oubliette could do with some sprucing up. Anyone fancy a cocktail from the new cocktail bar I've installed?
ReplyDeleteCancel my credit cards!
Wait…did someone say cocktails?
*drapes self across bar*
WIL: Hey Roses, send me a pic of your feet and I will consider taking over the message duties.
Roses will drink you out of house and home but hey, it’s your liquor bill.
KAPI: Is that the next competition? Guess the colour (and size) of Mistress MJ's underthings.
And the prize is...Mistress MJ's underthings!
We are considering holding a raffle.
Will you be the first to purchase a ticket?
NATIONS: 70, as always. I'll also volunteer to help load ayem8tey's tackle onto the flatbed trailer whenever we change location.*copius drooling commences*
If you’re considering loading ayem8y’s tackle onto a flatbed trailer, you might have to consult first with Jason, our hydraulics master.
NATIONS: oo!oo! also bagsies Beasts' wardrobe matron and mistress of wigs! *surveys vast empire of wigs with a calm yet masterful eye* I will guard the dildo hat, the one presently being taken on its maiden(ahem)voyage in bournemouths first Love parade!
Beast needs a mistress of merkins!
JILL: I'll serve drinks.
We have houseboys for that, Jill but most of the time they’re too busy chasing each other around and shagging in the pantry to be bothered with their duties.
So thank you and see you on the silver screen.
PIGGY: Nobody 'oinks' better than Cute Wee Me.
And what the fucks a 'guffer'?
According to the Urban Dictionary…
“While taking a bath, should a fart happen to come, you let it go. When the bubbles come up you open your mouth and make attempts to eat the bubbles. Congratulations, you're a guffer.”
Yes, that sounds like you.
You’re definitely a guffer.
"Based on your years of experience in showbiz, we’re giving YOU top billing."
ReplyDeleteFinally I get to be a TOP!
*Steals Beaver Brush out of Jason’s make-up kit and commences to coif pubic hair in anticipation of cock close-up*
AYEM8Y: Finally I get to be a TOP!
ReplyDeleteDon’t everyone rush the stage at once!
Keep your eye on Ms. Nations. She’s got a hungry look in her eye.
*Steals Beaver Brush out of Jason’s make-up kit and commences to coif pubic hair in anticipation of cock close-up*
I’ve been told we’ll have to use the wide angle lens.
i could be used in the sound room only... perhaps be dubbed in where a more masculine voice is needed...
ReplyDeleteI am the Butler, "Yessir Thankyouma'm".
ReplyDeleteAnd I seriously doubt Mr. Harrison's food massage abilities.
VOICES: i could be used in the sound room only... perhaps be dubbed in where a more masculine voice is needed...
ReplyDeleteYou’re needed to try and stop Nations from hijacking that flatbed trailer.
She’s been at the bong again.
MAGO: I am the Butler, "Yessir Thankyouma'm".
And I seriously doubt Mr. Harrison's food massage abilities.
Mr. Harrison, are you listening?
It’s a foot massage challenge!
Mago, I did ask for you first, Mistress MJ wouldn't let me.
ReplyDelete*sniff*
Wil, my feet are not things of beauty I'm afraid. I just like foot rubs.
Your feet are beautiful, Roses. Kraftvoll und zart zugleich. It's a pleasure to touch them and work through all bits and parts. Young footrubbers often think that strenghth would cure all, but such an approach neglects the foot's needs and can lead to an unpleasant and unsatisfying rubbery with skin irritation and even sore spots. Strength should be used carefully only when needed and wished, it's serving the foot, not using it for a cheap thrill.
ReplyDelete