When traditional electroshock therapy failed, Priest Mago was summoned to perform an exorcism on Mistress MJ…
Mistress MJ has no recollection of the events as they unfolded.
Can you bitches shed some light on what happened?
Note: Having declared her a “hopeless case,” the good folks at the rehab centre have given up on trying to cure Mistress MJ’s blogaholism. Infomaniac shall continue to update on a regular basis with scattered intermissions here and there. And there may be days when Mistress MJ posts but cannot personally respond to each and every bitch so just suck it up, dammit.
In other news, rehab is still working on our “mind-altering substances” problem as is obvious from this exorcism.
Oh my God, does the fact that I've been first three posts in a row mean that I, Leah, have a problem too?
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteBesides having an addiction to watching vampire movies, you are also a blogaholic.
And the fact that I'm responding to you a minute after you've commented, shows that I'm as doomed as doomed can be to remain one myself.
Worse yet, I'm responding to your response within minutes.
ReplyDeleteWhat help can there be for such as we?
*brief interval later*
ReplyDeletePerhaps the others will have suggestions.
I think those priests are looking at your undies!
ReplyDeleteExorcisms are so overrated, and messy. I'd stick with the addiction if I were you...
ReplyDeleteEROS: I’m not even sure that Mago is an ordained priest!
ReplyDeleteWhere did he take his vows?
And which one of you bitches is playing the parochial vicar beside him?
RANDOM: How did you sneak in here like that?
ReplyDeleteAre you part of some Satanic cult?
you love us.
ReplyDeleteAdmit it.
“mind-altering substances”
ReplyDeleteGreen pea soup?
Nightime flatulence is a terrible affliction Miss MJ .
ReplyDeleteIn all my years I have never seen it so bad that the patient actually hovers
I would lay off the cheese if I were you
***liberally sprays air freshner***
Did Mistress MJ projectile vomit green goo and do unmentionable things with a silver crucifix?
ReplyDeleteWe need o know.
BOXER: you love us.
ReplyDeleteAdmit it.
Not until we’re face to face on Oprah.
XL: “mind-altering substances”
Green pea soup?
Funny you should say that as pea soup is a staple in French Canadian households and hallucinogens are the most commonly used drug next to weed in Quebec.
BEAST: Nightime flatulence is a terrible affliction Miss MJ .
In all my years I have never seen it so bad that the patient actually hovers
I would lay off the cheese if I were you
***liberally sprays air freshner***
I’ve asked you time and again not to mention the Ma Beastie's Chickpea Curry incident.
I’d blame Mr. Frobisher and his lethal Dorset apple cake but he seems to have disappeared.
GARFY: Did Mistress MJ projectile vomit green goo and do unmentionable things with a silver crucifix?
We need o know.
She is said to have projectile vomited Tunnocks Teacakes in the general direction of Uddingston.
My favorite line in the Exorcist was
ReplyDeleteMERRIN! Your mother is marble gargling in hell!How utterly inapropriate it 'tis to be tossing hetrerosexually referenced slurs to a priest?
WhatEVER! One would think that demons would have a much tighter grasp of what's what.
My suggestion is that you try twittering for a while..nothing has ever made me want to turn off the Puter more than Twitter!
Hopeless case, beyond redemption, lost cause, blah blah.
ReplyDeleteWe knew this already.
I thought you were supposed to bring us news? Tales of things we didn't already know.
Fucking slacker.
Just stay the fuck away from the crosses!
ReplyDeleteDONN: My favorite line in the Exorcist was
ReplyDeleteMERRIN! Your mother is marble gargling in hell!How utterly inapropriate it 'tis to be tossing hetrerosexually referenced slurs to a priest?
WhatEVER! One would think that demons would have a much tighter grasp of what's what.
Yes, that’s the best line along with “There seems to be an alien pubic hair in my gin.”
I hate it when that happens.
My suggestion is that you try twittering for a while..nothing has ever made me want to turn off the Puter more than Twitter!
As you can see from the first few comments, Leah and I were dangerously close to Twittering last night.
PIGGY: Hopeless case, beyond redemption, lost cause, blah blah.
We knew this already.
I thought you were supposed to bring us news? Tales of things we didn't already know.
Fucking slacker.
Shouldn’t you be out celebrating the Queen’s birthday?
UBERMOUTH: Just stay the fuck away from the crosses!
It will make your head spin!
If you've got a problem with blogging I suggest you stay away from Blackberries.
ReplyDeleteNot the fruit you find on bushes by the motorway, but the handheld email/telephone device.
Whilst recently sharing a hotel room with a colleague I noticed feverish activity beneath his bed sheets at 4am. He was emailing on his effing blackberry.
I knew you'd be back. Blogging is your 'smack'.
ReplyDeleteEMERSON: If you've got a problem with blogging I suggest you stay away from Blackberries.
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ is a fruit fly and cannot be expected to stay away from fruit.
As for fevered activity beneath the sheets, I suspect your colleague was Fields. And I doubt it was a Blackberry he was fondling.
ISTVANSKI: I knew you'd be back. Blogging is your 'smack'.
But without the risk of Hep or gangrene!
Oh dear!
ReplyDeleteDidn't you have something better to do?
I saw the whole thing. You were visited by a 'phantom lover' who went under your nightgown and distended it altho it was not beast nor human, mere sexual ectoplasm. The ectoplasm ravished you all night until you were raw at which point you phoned Ghostbusters and Priest Mago was summoned to get rid of this beast with two backs.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: Oh dear!
ReplyDeleteDidn't you have something better to do?
There’s not exactly a lot of choice in rehab.
I was enrolled in a crafts class but they took my scissors away.
EMMA: I saw the whole thing. You were visited by a 'phantom lover' who went under your nightgown and distended it altho it was not beast nor human, mere sexual ectoplasm. The ectoplasm ravished you all night until you were raw at which point you phoned Ghostbusters and Priest Mago was summoned to get rid of this beast with two backs.
A phantom lover? In other words, an Incubus.
You will know it by its cold penis.
Funnily enough Frobisher swept imperiously into Cafe C on Saturday , demanded a cheese and bacon Panini , made disparaging remarks about my jeans , then swept out again and was last seen throwing oranges at nearby shop signs
ReplyDeleteBEAST: Funnily enough Frobisher swept imperiously into Cafe C on Saturday , demanded a cheese and bacon Panini , made disparaging remarks about my jeans , then swept out again and was last seen throwing oranges at nearby shop signs
ReplyDeleteA nice change from Mr. Frobisher throwing Fray Bentoes Pies at lesbians.
Didn’t my panties on your head detract from your naff jeans?
Exorcism my arse.
ReplyDeleteThat Mago is just an expert photoshopper.
Just keep blogging and taking the substances -problem solved - next?
Mago is a fenian? I thought he supported Lex Luther or something.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have demons in you just the Old Knudsen demon seed, I take it you used the sample and baster.
KAZ: Exorcism my arse.
ReplyDeleteThat Mago is just an expert photoshopper.
Just keep blogging and taking the substances -problem solved - next?
In other words, return to my usual drunken blogging.
KNUDSEN: Mago is a fenian? I thought he supported Lex Luther or something.
I’ve just made him a “Fenian For A Day” as it’s dirtier for me if he’s Catholic.
You don't have demons in you just the Old Knudsen demon seed, I take it you used the sample and baster.
No, I was raped by my computer.
We shall call the child ‘Proteus’.
AAAHHH ... Glory DAYS!
ReplyDeleteAPAGE SATANAS! Vade retro annanas! There's no need to sprinkle holy water over your sinful body - you need a goddam' cold shower!
Proteus - Prometheus, bringer of light, that's the right name of your digital offspring! Crosses, silver bullets, holy OIL!
Skip the booze it made you get a pactum tacitum with demons, you read yer Aquinas sec.sec. 96 ff. well. I'll phone the congregatio fidei for support!
MAGO: La plume de ma tante.
ReplyDeleteNow loosen my restraints and free me from this hellhole!
Spread your wings, my fine feathered friend, free as a byrd now, no more penguin in bondage boyyy (as in Roxy and elsewhere), a hell whole lotta love awaits you on the other side, break on through! Substance abuse? Oh no, never mind what Syrah does ... are there vineyards in Canada?
ReplyDeleteMAGO: no more penguin in bondage boyyy
ReplyDeleteYou get the wet side of the bed.
are there vineyards in Canada?
Mistress MJ must introduce you to Canadian ice wine.
We have the Franconians to thank for Eiswein.
We owe you, big time.
ones arse is safe again.......huzzah
ReplyDeleteMANUEL: Not completely safe...
ReplyDelete*fondles the waiter's sugarloaf*
Oh warte!
ReplyDelete"Lord, you know it's all over
If she comes atcha on the strut
& wrap `em
all around yer head "
Holy crap! Eiswein is a real specialty, and a very expensive one. If you had your share from this nectar you skip most of the booze, even "Auslese", "Kabinett" etc. (all below Kabinett is ready to make yer head explode next day, so skip the Landwein, vin de pays etc.).
So where's the Kleenex now? Loop a fire Rennennennn ...
One thing: The drinking temperature for Eiswein on the site you linked is way too low, make it 10 above zero, not below, not under the freezing point. It is after all a sweet wine, with Säure, but it must have a chance to develop and when you pour some half-frozen from the bottle ... and it is no dessert, it's a very fine wine on it's own right!
ReplyDeleteSays the man who knows any damned Tankstellen brew from origin: "This "wine" is a quality-product from the best grapes of Europe ...", Shell, Kronjuwel.
DOn't ask.
MAGO: Mistress MJ has 3 bottles of ice wine chez Infomaniac as we speak. They are often given to her as gifts.
ReplyDeleteShe drinks them well-chilled but not below zero and on their own, not with dessert.
She will usually drink the entire bottle once its opened as the quantity is small compared with other bottles of wine.
Or perhaps it's just because she is a lush.
The power of poutine compels you!
ReplyDeleteThe power of poutine compels you!
The power of poutine compels you!
You are not.
ReplyDeleteEiswein comes in "half a bottle", it's only a little more than a quarter of a liter, what is the traditional measure for a drink of wine ( = 250 ml). The Franconian traditional bottle ("Bocksbeutel") keeps three quarters. I do not know the alcohol% of ice wine, it may be higher than that of normal wine - which over the last ten years or so increased remarkably: Today a normal run of the mill Müller-Thurgau or Silavner has 11,5% alc. Ten or 15 years ago that would have been maximal 10, but normally 9 or 8,5.
I like wine. It's always a balance. I fell off the rope once, and it nearly killed me. I was pretty good at my annihilation and i won't touch any whiskey anymore, or some comparable spirit.
EROS: I give in to the power of poutine!
ReplyDeleteMAGO: Most ice wine here comes in 375 ml bottles, ranging from 9-13 per cent alcohol content.
Do you say "Prost!" with wine or is that only for beer?
Prost, meine Liebe. Traditionally one drinks to one's health ("Auf Deine / Eure / unsere Gesundheit" - "a votre sante") with wine and clings the glasses.
ReplyDeleteToasts for beer are normally a little "lighter", "prost" - "Hau' wech'" depends on the surrounding, the company you're in - "Hau' weg!" ("Gulp it down!") would be considered very inappropriate when drinking wine. "Prosit" or "Prost" works in all surroundings. In a Weinstube you normally do not hear the more rude wishes for drinking, the beer tent is another game.
MAGO: Then Prost it is!
ReplyDelete"Prost it is!"
ReplyDeleteWhat's all this fuss about a French novelist?
Nah, it's something about time ...
ReplyDelete