THE CLEAN CANUCK vs THE DIRTY AMERICAN BITCHES!
Ringside seats still available!
You’ve witnessed bitch fights here before between that American Psycho Bitch Maidy and me.
But now, those TWO filthy American bitches, Maidy AND First Nations have declared war on me… separately. But I’m bringing them here together under one roof for a showdown.
This is how it looks when Maidy and I get down and dirty…
brutal
Really, the only reason Maidy wants to fight me is so she has an excuse to feel me up. Horny bitch that she is. To appease her, I pretend to like it.
Maidy’s just popped a sprog and she’s back in fighting form. But now she has a secret weapon that she can use against me….
CAUTION...
NSFW pic coming up…
If she squirts me in the eye, I don’t stand a chance.
As for First Nations (FN), she’s a tough-talkin’ motorcycle mama and I can only imagine the mayhem that will ensue when she tries to take me on. I’m guessing this will be the scene…
FN and I have issues over fellow blogger Old Knudsen. You see, both FN and I are hardcore Knudsenites.
FN wants to hump him. I just want him to bring me my tea. I told her there’s enough Knudsen for everybody but will she listen? So it’s time to take a swing at her if I can dodge her big tits and even bigger gob.
Don’t expect her ‘round here right away. She sleeps ‘til noon Pacific Standard Time and then it takes her a couple of hours to put her slap on.
Right! Let the action begin!
All 3 bitches in this fight reside in North America so don’t expect the first swing ‘til later.
And the rest of you? Feel free to jump in and referee any time. Or just cheer me on.
Are you ready to rrrrumble?
Oh dear the weemen fighting over me again, its tough when you have all this going on, don't worry even the loser will win as I like it when they lie still.
ReplyDeleteNo yay I'm first for you lot.
Whoop-de-do!
ReplyDeleteI would normally be rooting for First Nations but she's transferred her affections to Mutley. So kick her ass MJ!
ReplyDeleteKNUDSEN: It's your lucky day as both Maidy and FN are out cold at the moment.
ReplyDeleteLazy bitches still aren't out of bed.
TICKERS: Gotta love your zeal.
I'm setting up a bouncy castle in the arena for you.
FROBI: FN's a fickle cunt.
Do you remember how last year she made me back off as she demanded to be your main fag hag?
Yay I'm first (to say yay)
ReplyDeleteWV: whind
I'm speechless.
yawn
ReplyDeleteSo now FN and I have to bitch slap you around today?
*cracks knuckles*
Okay, if you insist.
*grabs cat o' nine tails and waits for FN to show*
BILLY: Save your breath to taunt Maidy and FN later.
ReplyDeleteMAIDY: *bides time with morning coffee waiting for that slapper from south of the border*
OH, IT'S ON, CHEESER!
ReplyDelete*assumes ninjalike stance*
BRING IT, PANCAKES!
*tits start a whippin*
I ASSAULT YOU IN THE NAME OF THE KING OF FRAAAAANCE!
*lands solid roundhouse upside mj's ample chops, knocks her back into glass cabinet filled with dildoes*
*oh you know that's what her front room looks like*
OH YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! DOUBLE D'S BABY! 2 TIMES THE DOOM!
...p.s FROBI I NEVER DID! YOU ARE MY SUGAR RAT!
ReplyDeleteFN: Oh yeah? Well I slap you senseless with Mr. Super Cock!
ReplyDeleteFROBI: She told me you have a tiny ding dong. I know she’s lying. Everyone knows you were the model for Mr. Super Cock.
Oooo, quick! Tag me! Tag me!!
ReplyDeleteMAIDY: Off with your clothes.
ReplyDelete*strips down to her leather thong and vinyl bustier*
ReplyDeleteOkay, bitch. You're mine now!
MAIDY: I'm not yours 'til I've seen you nekkid.
ReplyDelete*undoes Maidy's bustier one hook and eye closure at a time*
*with my teeth*
I could be here awhile.
*grabs a drink*
ReplyDeleteI'm not arguing.
Hey ... FN!!!!
Where the fuck are ya??
Phmmphawwmmm.
ReplyDeleteWhat? My mouth is full.
Tradition Scottish rules apply - you must be bare breasted with a baby under one arm!
ReplyDeleteY'all know I'm the wimp round here.
ReplyDeleteCan I hold your towel please?
Well, I can handle the baby part that's for sure.
ReplyDelete*goes back to concentrating on .. I mean ... fending off MJ*
*first nations still groggy, lying in a disgraceful scatter of broken glass and silicone sex toys*
ReplyDeleteJesus h. Christ on a red bicycle! the power of the UberDong is mighty indeed, my foe!
wait...that doesn't look like a fight to me.
*whistles* hey, you guys? hello? fight? aggression? yoo hoo?
well...at least the baby looks grumpy. *makes faces at the baby hoping it will cry*
FROBI: Bare breasted, yes.
ReplyDeleteBabies, no.
I won't want any baby throw-up on me.
KAZ: You can hold my towel AND you can flick it at Maidy and FN's big arses.
MAIDY: Fending me off?
You love it, bitch.
FN: Hey! You snuck in under my petticoat!
ReplyDeletewhat d'you expect if you call on the king of france - they cut his head off you know - who d'u think you are Marie Antoinette?
ReplyDeleteNow get a grip woman and tell her her arse is HUGE
ZIGGI: Right you are!
ReplyDeleteFN: Yer arse is so big it's visible from Google Earth!
yeah, and it's just like you'd think it would be under here too...white line, stop lights, six lanes of traffic....
ReplyDelete*delivers a near-fatal BREASTS WHIRL OF DANGER! and sends MJ sliding across the room on spilled KY*
*...and my ass is not huge! it's just flat. like the earth.
ReplyDelete*delivers extra titblast to downed MJ just for good measure*
....sitting on boudoir chair, filing nails, tapping foot...
ReplyDelete*grabs onto whirling breasts of danger and circles around the room knocking Maidy out flat*
ReplyDelete*ties FN's tits in a knot*
*suprised FN's huge arse fits on a boudoir chair*
ReplyDelete*sound of collapsing furniture*
OW.
ReplyDelete*stirring giant pot of Jell-O*
ReplyDeleteOkay, girls, it's almost *WHOA*!!!
*maidy slips on KY*
Crap.
Hey, who made JT cry????
I want cherry Jell-O.
ReplyDeletejello?
ReplyDeletejello?
oo! there's ALWAYS room for jello!
*creates giant Jello mold from FN's huge arse*
ReplyDelete*enough Jello now to feed everyone on my Blogroll*
*laughing uproariously at the absurdity of any association of the words 'cherry' and 'MJ'*
ReplyDelete'beats watching Cricket on The Telly............
ReplyDeleteHA!
ReplyDelete*deploys jello snorkel*
You cannot defeat my jello-fu! My jello fu is powerful!
*engages rotary boob drive*
*realizes they're still tied in a knot*
*sinks to bottom, with grapes*
TONY: Have a jello shot while you're here.
ReplyDelete*waits for bottom feeders to devour FN*
*lugs bottles of heated almond scented message oil*
ReplyDelete*realizes people are staring at her*
What???
It's for medicinal purposes.
MAIDY: oooo...where would you like me to apply the oil?
ReplyDelete*nations watches as carniverous jello grapes surround her*
ReplyDelete*knocking on sides of bowl*
a little help here? hello?
*laffs at submerged FN and knocks back another jello shot*
ReplyDelete*steals mr. super cock and runs away*
ReplyDeleteCYBERPETE: Come back with Mr. Super Cock, you thieving little fairy!
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t get back here, I’ll punch your lights out with The Fist!
...these grapes are very...friendly.
ReplyDelete*adjusts jello snorkel*
*eyes glaze over*
*ignores FN*
ReplyDeleteMaidy, is that FLAVOURED oil?
*brings back mr super cock and runs off to buy the Johnny Hazzard cock*
ReplyDelete*maidy tastes*
ReplyDeleteYep!
Ummm, is FN drowning?
CYBERPETE: *checks for damage to Mr. Super Cock*
ReplyDeleteWhy is the Johnny Hazzard Penis two different colours? It looks like he’s dipped it in something.
MAIDY: I’m not worried about FN.
Those big tits of hers will keep her afloat.
*rubs flavoured massage oil into Maidy’s bits*
...theres VODKA in this jello, y'all...
ReplyDeleteblub
blub
FN: That's Kaz's vodka bottle. I'm surprised there's anything left in it.
ReplyDelete*performs camel clutch hold on FN and wrestles bottle away from her*
*uses FN's big arse as a bouncy castle*
Go Get em MJ!!!
ReplyDeleteMRP: Welcome!
ReplyDeleteAre you cheering me on because you want me to send you those nude pics of Knudsen?
NO FAIR WEARING HEELS!
ReplyDeletefine! fine! bitch, I give!
he's ALL YOURS!
KNUDSON I AM SORRY! SHE PROVED THE BETTER HO!
*runs off sobbing*
*comes back, grabs bottle, runs off again*
FN: Stop your sobbing, bitch.
ReplyDeleteTRUCE!
In fairness, can we agree to share Knudsen? As I originally proposed?
He'll brew my tea and then pop over to yours to shag you in his pee-stained trousers.
Have we got a deal?
Leave that bottle here.
*snif*
ReplyDeletei am a broken woman.
here, take the bottle.
*cracks MJ over the skull with it*
PSYCHE!
IT'S ON, CHEESER!
HA HA!
ReplyDeleteMJ got pwned! MJ got pwned!!!
*grabs SuperSoaker 3500 gun and fills with warmed massage oil*
ReplyDelete*points it at FN*
Reach for the sky, cowgirl!
HA!
ReplyDeletewould I relinquish my Knudson so easily? come on. that sallow withered body, covered in scaling sores and reeking of night sweat and half-healed infection? that forlorn appendage dribbling a constant yellow syrup...webbed eyes rimmed with dried sleep, toothless mouth frosted with yeast infections?
and that hat?
....come to think of it, i give.
he's all yours.
*steps off mj's chest, gathers up boobs and retreats for good*
Cunts. Both of you.
ReplyDeleteI say we send Knudsen over to Maidy's.
we're sorry. the person you are trying to reach has moved. no forwarding address can be found.
ReplyDeletethis is a recording
MAIDY: That's too bad.
ReplyDeleteI was going to bring Mr. Super Cock over for a visit.
Fine.
ReplyDeleteMe, you, Super Cock, and at least 3 gallons of almond massage oil ... all we need is rubber sheets and gerbils and it will be a par-tay!
Is Geo out of town?
ReplyDelete*nations hollers thorugh window*
ReplyDeletegerbils? more like BADGERS for the two of you!
*runs*
* snaps on rubber gloves and a plastic pinny *
ReplyDeleteDamn it. I took so long putting on my protection that I forgot what I was going to say.
Bugger.
* nips off to Cyberpete's in case he still has the Dukes of Hazzard Cock, or what ever it was *
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm outta here on the next flight to Philly. You won't be hearing from me for the next few hours.
ReplyDeleteGeo had better not be there. Last time he peeked through the keyhole the whole time, the dirty perv.
FN you are invited too but only if you bring your famous guacamole and only if you let me do that thing with the salsa.
Oh fuck it. That IVD fairy queen slipped in there as I was on my way out the door.
ReplyDeleteListen, IVD. I'm taking Mr. Super Cock with me to Maidy's house.
I hope you and Cyberpete and Johnny Hazzard's cock will all be very happy together.
Right. I'm done here.
Bitches.
"What in the wide, wide, world of sports is a-goin' on here?"
ReplyDeleteChill Wills in Blazing Saddles
Michael Vick heard that some bitches was fighting and he wants in for 50!
maybe he dipped it in flavoured oil?
ReplyDeleteHE: Tell that dick Vick that this is a catfight, not a dogfight.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPETE: Hot pot!
I'm sure IDV and I could have a lot of fun with Johnny Hazzards cock
ReplyDeleteCYBERPETE: I'm sure you already have.
ReplyDelete