Shove It Up Yer Arse

Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!



Hospital emergency doctors frequently encounter people (mostly men, it seems) who have “accidentally” inserted foreign objects into their arses.





Photo via [Old Knudsen]



A partial list of objects found up arses include the following:

Candles
Pens and pencils
Fruits and vegetables
Chewing gum
Curling iron
Flashlight
Toothbrush
Spoon
Cooking tongs
Balloons
Toilet plunger
Baseball
Umbrella handle
Vibrators (still vibrating)
Dildos
Mobile phone
Shoehorn
Oven mitt
Sausage
Eyeglasses
Door handle
Perfume bottle
Back scratcher
Pencil eraser
Screwdriver
and …
A jar of maraschino cherries



CASE STUDIES:



PEANUT BUTTER JAR:

A 65-year-old man came to the emergency department of a hospital complaining of lower abdominal pain. A large empty peanut butter jar was discovered in his rectum, and the patient was transferred to the regional medical center for its extraction.The patient reported that he was washing his dog in the shower when he accidentally slipped and fell on a glass jar, which entered his rectum.

LIGHT BULB:

Fateh Mohammad, a prisoner in Pakistan, says he woke up with a glass light bulb in his anus. Doctors brought Mohammad’s misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object. “We had to take it out intact,” said Dr Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. “Had it been broken inside, it would be a very complicated situation.” Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. “When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this,” Mohammad said. The doctor treating Mohammad said he’d never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon’s story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.

CONCRETE ENEMA:

A 20-year-old man used an enema containing a concrete mix that became impacted and required surgical removal. The patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.

Infomaniac’s research reveals that a few objects found up arses belonged to some of our very own readers!...



Broom handle (IVF, obviously)




Live artillery shell (Geo, of course)





Bottle of whiskey (SID, naturally)





Dentures (Belonging to Old Knudsen. Found up MJ’s arse.)




If you know you have a foreign body in your rectum, or think you do, seek medical help to remove it as soon as possible.

BUTT if you must shove something up yer arse, play safely.




Bush butt plug


Now, where did I put my house keys?