Hide plenty of beer & liquor under your bed so you can keep your snoot full while they're staying with you. This will make the visit more pleasant for you, I don't know about them though...
Make them leave after three days and/or make them clean, daily. In any case, remind them that nothing says "thank you" like the extravagant restaurant dinner of the beneficent host's choice.
One of these filled with K-Y Jelly will be such a boon for your guests.
Top Tip: If you're cheap and not so cheerful, a large tub of 'wet look' hair gel from the pound shop will work just as good as KY and for the fraction of the price.
House guests already? You are quite the glutton for punishment. I suggest you put them up in the Cheese Room... that's sure to give them a thrill and there is no need to worry about a menu... It's the perfect "all you can eat" option and they don't even need to leave the room... Pop a fondue set and a stale baguette on the beside table and your work is done....
Have lots of cake ready, give the poutine delivery man a key and refresh the abo of the porn channel. If they are bloody intellectuals of the artsy-fartsy type, chain them to the Oscar-Peterson-Memorial.
Hide plenty of beer & liquor under your bed so you can keep your snoot full while they're staying with you. This will make the visit more pleasant for you, I don't know about them though...
ReplyDeleteMake them leave after three days and/or make them clean, daily. In any case, remind them that nothing says "thank you" like the extravagant restaurant dinner of the beneficent host's choice.
ReplyDeleteWell, I know I always find it a nice touch when my host leave a mint, condom, and fresh flowers in the room.
ReplyDelete"Come and knock on our door..."
ReplyDeleteOffer to do their laundry, take all their clothes so that they have to walk around naked the whole time.
ReplyDeleteSx
Local music!
ReplyDeleteEnough to drive even the most stubborn houseguests away! Jx
Deleteit seems LX enjoys walking around with stickers on his forehead.
DeleteUmmm... Offer them complementary vouchers for the Infomaniac House of Beauty? Or, failing that, a tour of the Oubliette?
ReplyDeleteOh, sorry. You said you wanted a pleasant visit...
you should pack an overnight
ReplyDeletebag and get the fuck out of there.
a lovely gesture of welcome might
include leaving a cum rag on the nightstand.
Boy, we could be in the same room!
DeleteMonogrammed Denture Cups!
ReplyDeleteOne of these filled with K-Y Jelly will be such a boon for your guests.
ReplyDeleteTop Tip:
If you're cheap and not so cheerful, a large tub of 'wet look' hair gel from the pound shop will work just as good as KY and for the fraction of the price.
House guests already? You are quite the glutton for punishment.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you put them up in the Cheese Room... that's sure to give them a thrill and there is no need to worry about a menu... It's the perfect "all you can eat" option and they don't even need to leave the room... Pop a fondue set and a stale baguette on the beside table and your work is done....
Make sure the hidden cameras don't whir... Jx
ReplyDeleteHave lots of cake ready, give the poutine delivery man a key and refresh the abo of the porn channel. If they are bloody intellectuals of the artsy-fartsy type, chain them to the Oscar-Peterson-Memorial.
ReplyDeleteHappy Canada Day, eh!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your Canada Day wishes.
DeleteAnd let us all congratulate Norma on another year of living!
i'll have you know i'm as old as canada though you'd never know it to look at me. unless of course you sawed of my leg & read the rings.
Delete*hostess that i am* enjoy your guests, sweetpea!
ReplyDeleteHappy Canada day! *Oh Canada* xoxoxox
I always have a list of convincing alibis ready for my guests in case the cops come asking inconvenient questions.
ReplyDeleteAnd by "house guests" I'm assuming you mean tricks who are paying for overnight.
Joyeuse Fête du Canada, ma chérie.
ReplyDeleteI'm late... as usual. Even in the bedroom....
You're so late that it's now the Americans' turn for a fête.
DeleteJoyeuse Bastille!
DeleteAm I early enough for you now?