How do you handle wet spot etiquette?
"Whether it's lube, massage oil, semen, female ejaculate or some other fluid" (mystery fluid?) no one has to sleep on the wet spot anymore thanks to the enterprising Canadians who sell the NoMoreWetSpot Blanket.
"Bed Wetting/discrete for sleepovers"
ReplyDeleteYES!
LX: No more Depend® Guards for Men!
DeleteLay newspapers down.
ReplyDeleteMITZI: Brilliant idea!
DeleteThat way, you can keep track of the Daily Double and work on the cryptic crossword at the same time.
Well sweetie darling, I swallow all of it. There's never, EVER been a wet spot.
ReplyDeleteHUGGY JON: You may not have a wet spot but I bet you have a sweet spot.
DeleteShag pile.
ReplyDeleteI have had too much sun.
Sx
MISS SCARLET: Do you use a shag rake on your unruly bush?
DeleteI have given up with the rake... I am being brutal with the clippers.
DeleteSx
MISS SCARLET: For future reference, use loppers or a pruning saw on older hedges.
DeleteNorma can tell you more about that.
*sharp intake of breath*
Delete*flounces out in a huff of scarlet after messing up MJ's secret Croc collection*
Sx
I KNEW IT! I knew she actually couldn't live without crocs.
DeleteThe truth always comes out sooner or later.
MISS SCARLET: I said FUTURE reference. As in distant future.
DeleteHUGGY JON: There is no Crocs collection…secret or otherwise.
Apologies, I have one of my heads, brought on no doubt by the display of hickeys at Mr Lax's.
DeleteSx
Perhaps Miss Scarlet is a bit punchy from lack of sleep whilst on 24/7 royal baby watch?
DeleteKate Middleton should try eating one of Ma Beastie's chick pea curries.
DeleteThat would speed things along.
I wish the future Queen would hurry up... but she is determined to keep us on our toes and to make a dramatic entrance.
DeleteSx
A little boy butter might make it slip it out.
DeleteYears ago I invented the Stayfree® mattress pad. For lazy gals.
ReplyDeleteAYEM8Y: Does the Stayfree® mattress pad have wings?
DeleteLike a pteradactyl's, I shouldn't wonder.
DeleteMR. DeVICE: Imagine the chafing.
DeleteI could always lend a tub of that Boy Butter™ - That should stop some of it?
DeleteDid someone mention Boy Butter?
DeleteBetter Butter than Cake!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGah! Wrong place!
DeleteMR. DeVICE: How many times has someone heard you say THAT?!
DeleteI don't suppose the "wrong place" would matter, providing you had plenty of boy butter at hand.
There is no "wrong place".
DeleteWell, depending on who needs directions...
MR. DeVICE: I imagine there is a neon arrow pointing the way, in your case.
DeleteCue for a song by our favourite (appropriately-named) Canadians - The Wet Spots!
ReplyDeleteJx
JON: Up the ol' Wazubee, baby!
Delete"When it's sticky, lucky, licky some more."
DeleteApparently.
Jx
JON: Remind me in December to play their "Fist Me This Christmas."
DeleteBecause nothing says "Happy Christmas" like a hand up your arse.
Apparently.
DeleteGetting in the festive spirit a bit early, aren't we, dear? It's 30C here. Hands up arses are not wise activities in hot weather.
DeleteApparently.
Jx
JON: More about the heat wave here on Infomaniac tomorrow.
DeleteShouldn't you be in bed, luv?
Staying up late awaiting the Royal Baby?
Or getting fisted in July?
I thought "Depends" had that covered...
ReplyDeletePRINNY: I think we all like our private parts to have a good airing overnight.
DeleteSpeak for youself darling... I always go to bed in neck to knee's... I find them invaluable for diminishing those unwanted nocturnal advances...
DeletePRINNY: You Aussies always do things backwards.
Deletethat web site mentioned
ReplyDeletenot a word about ass juice!
no doubt rotunda has a few
tasty liters she's holding onto.
NORMA: Ass juice…the mystery fluid.
DeleteHow do I handle it? I shut the door firmly as I'm leaving.
ReplyDeleteThat's not a euphemism, by the way.
ReplyDeletePEENEE: But your back door has no hinges.
Delete