Sunday, January 10, 2010
Pissing Contest
Enter our peeing contest and you could win a copy of What's My Pee Telling Me?
"In this entertaining and fact-filled guide, the authors of What’s Your Poo Telling You? Reveal the secrets and splendors of farts, poo, and their inevitable companion, pee.
Includes hilarious illustrations and enlightening explanations of bodily emissions, fascinating trivia, and case histories."
Plus, burning questions are addressed such as:
a) Will peeing on a jellyfish sting relieve the pain?
b) Why can’t men pee straight?
c) Does sitting on the toilet too long cause hemorrhoids?
d) Is it really possible to light your farts on fire?
e) Do men pee faster than women?
f) Is drinking urine good for your health?
This book is FLUSH with information!
Wondering how to win?
Simply tell us why you need this book!
Mistress MJ’s fave answers will be selected and voted on later.
Get your responses in by Monday evening to be eligible to win.
Note to Donn and Manuel: Even though both of you previously won copies of What’s Your Poo Telling You?, you are eligible to enter. Yippee!
I think I'll pass on this one thanks.
ReplyDeleteOh yes...first, lol.
ReplyDeleteOh and in answer to some of those questions:
ReplyDeletea) Possibly.
b) They can aim it in whatever direction they like.
c) It depends what you are doing when sat on it. Standing too much is just as likely to cause them, or being sat on a cold floor a lot.
d) Yes it is, but can cause considerable damage to the farter.
e) Yes.
F) No.
It would be #1 in my book collection.
ReplyDeleteBecause he seems ever so wise and has such class.
ReplyDeleteOh, I see...it's not "Peenee"
never mind.
because i'd place it right next to my autographed copy of, "what my piss told normadesmond" by virginia graham, as told to i.p. daily
ReplyDeleteI do NOT need this book. Why, the very colour would make holding it impossible. You see, yellow doesn't go with my skin tone - I'll appear 'washed out'.
ReplyDeleteI'm dying to know if sitting on the toilet really does cause hemorrhoids.
ReplyDeleteYes, it does. But only if you sit there for three weeks and don't have a proper breakfast each morning.
ReplyDeleteIm always concerned when I go into a person's house and they have books and magazines by the toilet. Sitting on there for that long cannot be good for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's telling me the story of The Princess And The Pee.
ReplyDeleteI think I desperatly need this book . The other day Mr C told me it would be really really funny if I pee'd in a plastic bag and threw it at Frobisher while he was walking to work. Strangly Frobisher failed to see the funny side , so I obviously have a lot to learn about pee
ReplyDeleteThank you, my matula broke and I'm not longer in uroscopy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe AUA can help ...
I need some new coffee table books to entertain the guests. And this book can double as reading material for those guest who prefer to sit down to pee.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anything more loathsome to be honest. It sounds perfectly foul....
ReplyDeleteMy pee is alcohol with all the goodness taken out.
ReplyDeleteLiver nods resignedly.
Dear Mistress,
ReplyDeleteHaving been the inspiration for the story regarding Royal Peas, I feel more that qualified in entering this competition.
Oh. You meant the other type of Pee!
Not to worry, I've been doing that into the wind for years.
I must ask. Are the young ladies pictured, practicing their Tiger Hunting?
Luv Princess XXX
Funny thing was I was lighting farts this Christmas - but you don't do it nekkid.
ReplyDeleteMen can pee straight - how do you think we can write our names in the snow? the ones that can't prob. have foreskins like crisp packets.
why? because it would complete my set. there couldn't be another in the series could there.....one shouldn't think too much about that
ReplyDeleteI already know what my pee is telling me: "you consume too many supplements and you are flushing approximately $5.00 of useless crap (pun!) with each push of the handle.
ReplyDeleteOk, I still want the book.
BITCHES: With only a few exceptions, these are the most uninspired responses Mistress MJ has ever seen!
ReplyDeleteHow badly do you want the prize, bitches?
If you can’t do better than this, I’ll keep the book for myself!
You have until Monday evening to convince me that you need the pee book.
hey, piss up a rope cinderella & see if that gets those two hags off your back.
ReplyDeleteNORMADESMOND: You know those “few exceptions” I referred to?
ReplyDeleteYou were one of them.
My chapeau is off to anyone who can work the hostess of “Girl Talk” into a conversation.
Is that photo a design for the new fountain in Pee-body Park in Greensboro, NC?
ReplyDeleteGimme a Pee for Pexas, a Pee for Pennisie ...
ReplyDeleteATTENTION BITCHES!: As usual, it appears that many of you cannot read instructions.
ReplyDeleteThis is NOT a caption contest.
Read my lips …
“Simply tell us why you need this book!”
It is part of my religion, The Religion of Piss. Piss be upon you.
ReplyDeleteSorry, it had to be said.
Seems you have to peetch some pissibline into these peetches (peaches?) ...
ReplyDeleteDear Mistress
ReplyDeleteBeing an insatiable collector of unusual and interesting books related to bodily functions and the human condition, I believe that this book would sit nicely in The Palais Library alongside.
"Tips on Removing Unsightly Yoghurt Stains" by U.C.Kumm
and
"Regaining and Championing your Virginity" by Noah Hymen.
I thank you in presenting this interesting tome for your competition, it would have pride of place added to my collection knowing where it came from!
Luv Princess XXX
Mother's Day is just around the corner. I need this book.
ReplyDeleteI need this book cos I need to know how to pee in a bush without getting my tights wet.
ReplyDeleteSx
Taking your tights down would probably help Miss Scarlet
ReplyDeleteAnd dont think the irony of a post about piss and Miss MJ getting pissy escapes me
ReplyDeleteDon’t think I didn’t hear that, Beast.
ReplyDeleteYour entry was one of my faves but I’m reconsidering now.
Once again eastern philosophy trumps western panache. Kabuki is moving into new digs in the spring. No house-warming party would be complete without the appropriate lavatory literature. Displayed proudly on the back of the loo, this beautiful manuscript would provide entertainment and education - and so few of todays' tomes can provide the same. kabuki
ReplyDeleteI need this book because I NEVER have time to pee. I'm too damn busy. My bladder is upset with me and may be on strike. I constantly feel like my teeth are floating and probably have some kind of kidney disease. So you see, I really need this book. Perhaps, I also need to sit in on the meeting those nice ladies are having in that photo?
ReplyDeleteOooops......
ReplyDeleteMan, count me out. I already have enough voices telling me what to do (most of them advocate gun violence) without worrying about whiz whispering. Give it to someone who truly needs it.
ReplyDeleteGive it to Frobi.
What is his pee telling him? What could his pee be telling us? What is that strange flapping sound he makes whenever he drains his weasel? And what about Naiomi?
...CRISP PACKET???!!!
ReplyDeleteI dont want the bloody book - it should be shredded.
ReplyDeleteOh I shall translate . In the old empire crisps are what you guys call chips , chips are what you call fries
ReplyDeleteSooooooooooo a foreskin like a chip packet
...that was more information than i needed, thankyou Beastie. *considers boiling head to remove mental image*
ReplyDeleteI was just translatin :-(
ReplyDeleteNo good deed goes unpeed, Beast!
ReplyDeleteI need this book because I’m curious to find out how it ends and also if peeing up someone's butt while having sex with it is considered dangerous behavior...
ReplyDeleteDid I win yet?
ReplyDeleteI once did a wee in my friends steam iron out of devilment. I often get caught short whilst shopping, especially around garden centres, it's the ornamental fountains that does it, I'm not sure if it's permissible to bob down amongst the dwarf conifers to wet one's lettuce, but I do anyway.
ReplyDelete