[via]
We want to know what sort of department is needed here at Infomaniac and what you would call it.
The Department of (fill in the blank).
Of course, we'll need staff too so if you wish to apply for a position, please include your staff title and credentials.
First!
ReplyDeleteTOPHER: The Department of First?
DeleteOr did you mean to suggest a Fisting Department?
Um....yeah! No....not Fisting...
DeleteDepartment of Sagging Beauty...
ReplyDeleteWALLY: The Department of Sagging Beauty?
DeleteWe here at Infomaniac have developed a line of foundation garments constructed with a complex series of pulleys and flying buttresses.
Please see our model Norma for more information.
hey, watch it!
Deletefor what i get paid, i don't
need to take crap like that.
*um, would you check my pulley,
the one i can't reach, the one
close to the buttress?*
NORMA: Your pulley needs rust-proofing.
DeleteWait. What? Norma gets paid?
DeleteLX: Norma gets paid in support hose and a discount on foundation garments.
DeleteYour “friend” gets a discount on Depends so what’s the big deal?
Department of Geriatrics.
ReplyDeleteI have "a friend" who would be interested in a job in the Incontinence Products section if there is an employee discount.
LX: An employee discount for incontinence products?
DeleteThat Depends.
And if it gets created and "your friend" gets a position, that means you won something!!!!! Just don't wet yourself with excitement.
DeleteDon't encourage him, Mistress Maddie.
DeleteDepartment of Neuroses
ReplyDeleteI have a PhD. in the Neurotic Arts and Sciences, with a minor in Gay.
JASON: I’m not surprised it’s a minor in gay, considering your recent attraction to lesbians.
DeleteWe’ll be revoking your gay card if that sort of thing keeps up.
Infomaniac should have many many Departments with lots of Bureaucracy with forms in triplicate and huge wheels of stamps. Lots of stamps. And elevator operators that announce the floors and the many departments housed on each floor with giant directional globes mapping your location with arrows pointing where you should go.
ReplyDeleteAll under the master Department of, "The Department of Redundancy Department."
AYEM8Y: But wouldn’t it be redundant to have a Redundancy Department when we already have Thombeau’s Redundant Variety Hour?
Delete*orders red tape nonetheless*
Now listen here Maryvonne Jeannetta, departments sapartments! You think all us bitches need a department to controls us? Well good luck with that. And if there has got to be a new department why not for some thing libation related. But I only apply for certain positions.
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: *presses trap door button to the Oubliette*
DeleteThe Oubliette? I'm honored. Does this mean I finally get whipped by AyeM8y?
Delete*Gathers nine cats to fashion fresh whip for the occasion*
Deletei agree with mistress maddie, sugar! we need a drinks department! i have been practicing! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSAVANNAH: Why don’t you take a nip of gin down to Mistress Maddie in the Oubliette.
DeleteI’m sure she’s getting thirsty and lonely on her own down there.
Department of Bitches, of course.
ReplyDeleteOr, at the very least, the Department of Bitch Whipping.
DeleteCOOKIE: Or the Department of Bitch Slapping.
DeleteI like Bitch Whipping. Works well with Oubliette, and better alliteration.
DeleteCOOKIE: Department of Bitch Whipping, it is.
DeleteAnd first thing on the agenda is organizing a Sissy Boy Slap Party.
The Infomaniac Department of Deportment.
ReplyDeleteA Bitch being too bitchy? The DoD will soon sort that out. Likewise if the Bitch isn't being bitchy enough!
I have my own rubber stamp and my glasses are perched on the tip of my nose as I type, so just show me to my office.
MR. DeVICE: How do you feel about wearing a pince-nez?
DeleteWell, I'll have to adjust my wardrobe accordingly, but I think I can pull it off.
DeleteAlthough, last time I wore pince-nez someone mistook me for the Hooded Claw!
How about a monocle?
MR. DeVICE: A monocle will do nicely.
DeleteOr a lorgnette.
It's about time someone put that Mistress in a Oubliette. Now maybe I can get a vacation. I owe you someday Mistress MJ.
ReplyDeleteMS. MOORECOCK: Mistress Maddie is lucky I didn’t slap a Banned By Infomaniac sticker on her forehead!
DeleteYou know Mariposa Jaimica, just because I'm in the Oubliette down here with ripped shorts, getting whipped, doesn't mean I can't hear you!
DeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: Are you using Norma’s ear trumpet?
DeleteThe Departement to end all Departements.
ReplyDeleteMAGO: This is the beginning of the end.
DeleteI want to be the head manager of the men's bathroom in all departments!
ReplyDeleteHUGGY JON: As long as you let LX continue to patrol the bus station toileting facilities, I think we may have a deal.
DeleteThat would be a lovely idea Jon. Do you do a nice spit shine?
Deletedepartment of added values.
ReplyDeletelet's say someone working behind the counter in notions just happened to have an enormous cock. the department head could saunter by & instruct said employee to, "haul that thing onto the counter!" just imagine what this could do for sales.
NORMA: I’m imagining you as this department’s Mr. Humphries from the Britcom, “Are You Being Served?”
DeleteDepartment of Whoretoculture.
ReplyDeleteANONYMOUS: Usually, we here at Infomaniac do not welcome anonymous comments but this one can stay.
DeleteExperience a holiday you would rather forget with MJ's Travel Department. Those of you who get MJ's gander up, could be forced to take a jolly jaunt around Jekyll and Hyde park, where you will encounter drunks swigging meths from a bottle in a brown paper bag, shouting incoherent obscenities at you. A more severe punishment would be a three-day beano here One can almost hear Princess's 'Coo-ee' echoing down the haunting corridor at passing men. Those sent away will have to write a review about their holiday experience on Tripadvisor.
ReplyDeleteMITZI: New York City’s “Sun Bright Hotel” sounds like just the place to send those who’ve been Banned By Infomaniac.
DeleteThere is nothing sunny nor bright about it.
Let’s have a look at just SOME of the many reviews:
3rd and 4th floors smell like a mix of urine and Asian food
The roof is made up of chicken wire.
Absolutely disgusting cockroaches were literally everywhere.
it's filthy like a jail.
The sheets are dirty and not changed
Some of the homeless shelters SMELL BETTER than this place.
Let’s see for ourselves, shall we?
I liked what someone had written on the door 'I survived The Sun Bright 27.3.1945'
ReplyDeleteJeff from NZ the only person to give it an excellent rating 'The rooms are small and there is no ceiling so you can hear everybody' NO CEILING! It sounds like the sort of doss house Bill Sykes and Nancy would live in.
MITZI: That survivor was lucky although “the story about a dead man being left inside a room for more than two weeks has not been verified.“ ... yet.
DeletePlease don't send me to The Sun Bright.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I would like to apply to be Mr DeVice's assistant in the Department of Deportment... I also have rubber stamps... and glasses that perch on the end of my very pretty nose.
I promise to be a good assistant and I will always look up to Mr Device... this is because he is 7ft tall and I am 4ft.
Thank you... I look forward to signing my contract.
Qx
MS QUOTES: But are you comfortable working next to a man with warts?
Delete