Today we turn to your tenuous mental health.
It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that Infomaniac Bitch Hayward believes he needs therapy.
This leads Mistress MJ to wonder how the rest of you are getting on in the mental health department.
Are you finding what you need? Try aisle four. Or just follow Wally over to the prescription meds counter...
A few years ago, Mistress MJ asked you to name the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane.
Since so many new Bitches have joined us since then, let’s do it again, shall we?
What are the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane?
FIRST!
ReplyDeleteThe sanest thing I do is read Infomaniac!
ReplyDeleteMeds? Where?
You BOTH posted at the same time!
ReplyDeleteHey... THE CLOCK IS BACK IN THE TIGHT ZONE!!!
DeleteDOH! I meant "right"!!!
DeleteOMG...You're right!
DeleteThe time is correct!
1) Try to be first on Infomaniac.
ReplyDelete2) Meditate.
3) Surfing the Internet for porn.
4) Meditate.
4.1) Eat
4.9) Meditate.
4.99) Drink
5) Meditate
You forgot no.3
DeleteSx
I pop over to see Ayem8y's butt, the Cookie Monster and to contemplate the power of the green elf shorts.
ReplyDeleteThat's only three, Hayward.
DeleteShouldn't you add "Vouvray?"
1. read infomaniac
ReplyDelete2. drink
3. drink more
4. "puff, puff, give"
5. walk
(ok, #5 is a lie, but i just thought it would look better than sayin, "drink even more.")
and that's how mama stays sane, sugar! xoxoxox
SAVANNAH: #5 should read "stumble"...on your way back from the bar.
Deletepictures of my home.....
ReplyDeletedown time diversions.....
photos of myself...
and now this.
is this one big reach-a-round? am i being profiled?
is infomaniac selling my information to third parties?
i've "cced" my attorneys.
The Normadesmond Files.
DeleteOMG, was wally really a beach boy?
ReplyDelete"God Only Knows."
DeleteSanity? Oh...I lost mine years ago... and have never looked back!
ReplyDeletePRINCESS: It's trailing behind you like toilet tissue on your shoe!
DeleteI shook hands with madness so long ago that I find it difficult to imagine 'sane' holding any attraction as a state. When the alternative is working in an office, going to church and wearing sweater sets, I'll stick to decorating with dessicated mice, being stalked by Led Zeppelin, and visiting with the naked headless chicken who comes to visit me while I'm taking a bath.
ReplyDeleteNATIONS: You bathe?
Delete1) Vicodin
Delete2) Beer
3) Grass
4) Throw on something pretty
5) Leave the stereo arm up on my Leslie Gore album.
WALLY: It’s your pill party and you’ll cry if you want to.
DeleteBy the way, that ball gown makes your arse look big.
Sanity is way over rated.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do indulge myself in the following:
1. Drink
2. Check out Informaniac
3. Drink more
4. Take meds
5. Masturbate
Not necessarily in that order.
BLAZNG SCARLET: You’re drunk right now, aren’t you?
DeleteAs for #5, well, it is Masturbation Month.
Not drunk yet ....but I'm heading to my second job as a bartender soon.
DeleteSo I will be.
Soon.
Scarlet, Isn't it amazing how masturbating keeps one sane?
DeleteGood God. 2009... back when I was young and pretty and used to speak to Mr Beastie's pants.
ReplyDeleteAn update on how to stay sane:
1. Visit Infomaniac
2. Smoke
3. Read Infomaniac archive
4. Try on bras
5. Sniff new shoes
Sx
MISS SCARLET: Trying on bras?
DeleteThat makes Mistress MJ insane!
I do enjoy sniffing new shoes though. And I “visit” really gorgeous, expensive shoes that I know I can’t afford just to be near them. I also try them on and vicariously experience the thrill of being at the ball…where, of course, my arse does not look as big as Wally’s in a ball gown.
Wait, are you saying it's not 2009?
DeleteMiss Janey:
ReplyDelete-sees her therapist, Dr. O, weekly
-attends 12 step meetings
-meditates when she has time to work it in. Really she should make time.
-drinks red wine, smokes pot and watches 30 Rock re-runs
-pretends she's a rich successful romance writer named Helen Shane and improvises her fake life.
This makes Miss J one of the most together people we know.
Deletelol, Mistress!
DeleteOh honey, it's simlpe. It starts with 5 shots of gin!!!!
ReplyDelete...and what in hell do you mean, my mental health? Im in fine mental health I'll have you know. "Black man , black man, where have you gone too, black man, black man, where did you go.....
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: You’re on your sixth shot, aren’t you?
DeleteI count five things five times and then do it five more times, but then I have to worry that I've counted everything six times so I have to start over.
ReplyDeleteNotice how often meditation and Vicodin come up in these answers? How do people tell them apart?
PEENEE: You’re the authority.
DeleteAccording to AyeM8y you wrote the following in the Peenee Diaries:
Vicodin
Vicodin
Vicodin
Cat food
Meditate on THAT.
1. Wake up with four dogs attached to my hip.
ReplyDelete2. Feed four small dogs.
3. Walk four small dogs.
4. Feed/Walk four small dogs
5. Drink vodka
BOXER: You left out the poop and scoop segment.
DeleteHusband, terriers, Champers, Internet (which takes the place of former staples, reading and writing), and dreaming of vacation (all I ever wanted...).
ReplyDeleteBut I'd take a vicodin if they weren't illegal here...
MUSCATO: Shall we send you some Vicodin?
ReplyDeleteWe won’t breathe a word (“Our Lips are Sealed.”)
Oh, after all these years, I've just adjusted the terriers and Champers doses and it mostly goes fine.
DeleteAlthough we're stopping in the UK this summer on the way to the States almost exclusively to stock up on codeine.
(and here I was, afraid the Go Gos ref would go unnoticed. I should have known better!)
DeleteMUSCATO: And to think that we here in Canada were once considered the codeine capital.
DeleteThe Americans used to cross the border in droves!
Honey, We Got the Beat.
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ReplyDelete1 There is nothing more exhilarating than a good old fashioned cuppa first thing in the morning brought to me on a silver salver by my maid Carmen, though it could be the MDMA kicking in.
ReplyDelete2 When I feel my nerves jangling I eat a handful of almond and a banana.
3 Visiting a cafe and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations it's just something I enjoy doing.
4 I like to challenge myself at least once a day by doing something I dread such as answering the door to religious callers, going on a roller coaster the greater the stress the bigger the high when it's done with.
5 A good old fashioned fuck.
MITZI: Is one of these thrill-seekers you?
DeleteI remember going on the "Big One" at Blackpool's Pleasure Beach, when going down the first drop it automatically takes your picture, my stomach was in knots but I managed to suck in my cheeks and pout for the camera victoria Beckham esque. Then I took my knickers off and emptied them in the gutter, well, when in Blackpool!
ReplyDeleteMITZI: When riding a roller coaster, it pays to be prepared.
DeleteOh thank you MJ, with my free sample I'll be able to shit myself with confidence.
ReplyDelete