In other words, she is NOT the perfect hostess.
Below: Mistress MJ…
[via]
You will not find Mistress MJ busy in the kitchen preparing goodies for her guests…
Source: Betty Crocker’s Picture Cook Book
[via]
Except, perhaps, a nice cake…
Mistress MJ loves her friends. She just doesn’t enjoy entertaining. Especially for guests who stay more than a night or two.
She is, however, a lovely house guest but more on that another time.
My friends put me to shame as they are all excellent hosts and hostesses. One couple, I’ll call them “Him and Him,” are such good hosts that the moment I sweep through the door, they’ve placed a martini in my hand.
Does anyone have tips for making the entertaining process more enjoyable and less stressful?
Mistress MJ is expecting a revolving door of guests this summer and would appreciate your input.
Oh sure, there’s help from the houseboys but occasionally Mistress MJ likes to manage things on her own.
In the meantime, I’m listening to Gaynor and Dorothy Maddox’s instructions on how to plan the perfect dinner party…
You too, can listen here.
Things I need, according to Gaynor and Dorothy:
- a coffee table (I don’t have one)
- canned artichoke hearts
- red caviar
- radish roses
- bitter escarole (assuming there isn’t enough bitterness in the kitchen as provided by Mistress MJ)
- a macaroni casserole (layer this “dream dish” with wide slices of Cheddar cheese, like a “golden awning”)
- a well-ventilated, smoke-free room
- a butcher with a sharp knife.
- “and no fat. No fat. I can’t repeat that warning too many times.”
- congenial friends.
*makes shopping list*
First
ReplyDeleteKeep the vodka fountain flowing. When you tire of their company play Polka's Greatest Hits by the Wisconsin Brewers' Assoc. Band. They'll be running from your house.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear MJ,
ReplyDeleteMight I offer you some of my favourite tips when one must host house guests... Over the years I have found them to be invaluable...
well, I think you have more than enough congenial friends and to hell with all of the rest.
ReplyDelete"Frienship means never having to say you're sorry for draining the Vodka Foutain."
Hai Princess and TB!
ReplyDelete"Introduce people with thoughtful details."
ReplyDeleteBridget Jones
gaynor needs dorothy to put her head in a punch bowl so that he may deal with the sharp knife of the butcher's.
ReplyDeletejust go to costco and buy all those
frozen things. your guests will
squeal like piggies.
Is that IVD tending Apocalyptic Oven with Wand in hand?
ReplyDeleteAs always , women and children first...
ReplyDeletetime spent in the kitchen is time away from guests. practise this phrase 'i know of the most darling restaurant' use it frequently. Cocktails and appetizers and clean linens, thats all they get at Chez Kabuki. Appetizers are available at Costco, As Norma already mentioned. And Norma is a perfect hostess. nuff said
ReplyDeleteThat *does* look like Apocalypse Oven, Princess. Especially as it seems to be spewing red-hot food stuffs at me...
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ, the only tip I have to make entertaining easier is not to invite people in the first place. Or be completely tiddled...
TB: First
ReplyDeleteKeep the vodka fountain flowing. When you tire of their company play Polka's Greatest Hits by the Wisconsin Brewers' Assoc. Band. They'll be running from your house.
I have music from Canada’s polka king, Walter Ostanek.
But he’s won three Grammys so I need to take the polka quality down a notch for the desired effect.
PRINCESS: My Dear MJ,
Might I offer you some of my favourite tips when one must host house guests... Over the years I have found them to be invaluable...
The link’s not working, Princess, and I simply MUST have your invaluable tips!
BOXER: well, I think you have more than enough congenial friends and to hell with all of the rest.
"Frienship means never having to say you're sorry for draining the Vodka Foutain."
Hai Princess and TB!
Cleanup is easier when your friends are online instead of in your living room.
XL: "Introduce people with thoughtful details."
Bridget Jones
Shazzer: Introduce people with thoughtful details. Such as: "Sheila, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..."
Bridget: ...all over your face?
Teehee.
NORMADESMOND: gaynor needs dorothy to put her head in a punch bowl so that he may deal with the sharp knife of the butcher's.
just go to costco and buy all those
frozen things. your guests will
squeal like piggies.
Sound advice, Norma and just in time before I joined Dorothy face down in the punchbowl.
PRINCESS: Is that IVD tending Apocalyptic Oven with Wand in hand?
Oh that is Apocalypse Oven!
VOICES: As always , women and children first...
Off a sinking ship?
KABUKI: time spent in the kitchen is time away from guests. practise this phrase 'i know of the most darling restaurant' use it frequently. Cocktails and appetizers and clean linens, thats all they get at Chez Kabuki. Appetizers are available at Costco, As Norma already mentioned. And Norma is a perfect hostess. nuff said
I’m practicing that phrase as we speak, thank you oh wise one.
With the emphasis on the word “darling.”
The statement will have more impact if I’m holding my longest cigarette holder.
IVD: That *does* look like Apocalypse Oven, Princess. Especially as it seems to be spewing red-hot food stuffs at me...
Mistress MJ, the only tip I have to make entertaining easier is not to invite people in the first place. Or be completely tiddled...
Apocalypse Oven is spewing those wee cupcakes of yours.
And a Victoria Sponge cake!
I am hyperventilating whilst listening. Please make them stop! I can't keep up and the lead in my pencil has snapped...
ReplyDeleteBuy a family pack of fish fingers and be done with it.
Sx
I am sorry Mistress....
ReplyDeleteI'll try again with the link
"My Favourite Tips"
Thankfully only one friend actually comes round here post-pub and he has to make do with a can of Guinness or a Jack Daniels.
ReplyDeleteI'd much rather meet someone in the outside world than in anybody's home. An Englishman's home is his castle and it should be defended with valour.
SCARLET: I am hyperventilating whilst listening. Please make them stop! I can't keep up and the lead in my pencil has snapped...
ReplyDeleteBuy a family pack of fish fingers and be done with it.
Can you recommend a brand of fish fingers?
They’re not as popular here as in the U.K.
PRINCESS: I am sorry Mistress....
I'll try again with the link
"My Favourite Tips"
Excellent tips, Princess!
However, this one…
“The hostess should see that, right from the start, every guest is made to feel at home.
With married men, a smack in the face as they enter the house is sufficient.”
Well, as you can imagine, that’s standard practice chez Mistress MJ.
Where can I get my hands on those cement scones?
GEOFF: Thankfully only one friend actually comes round here post-pub and he has to make do with a can of Guinness or a Jack Daniels.
I'd much rather meet someone in the outside world than in anybody's home. An Englishman's home is his castle and it should be defended with valour.
I shall raise the drawbridge over the moat.
Bird's Eye Fish Fingers!
ReplyDeleteSx
SCARLET: Bird's Eye Fish Fingers!
ReplyDeleteI recognize the brand name but I don’t know if they’re available in Canada.
Did you know that North Americans call “fish fingers” “fish sticks?”
Remember that should you have a sudden fish finger craving over here.
Don't get mad at the idea of totally strangers overcrowding your home. A nice assortement of usefull phrases may help. Like "Come on, grab a beer", "shut that door", "I bet you can't do that with a bottle in there". A nice abonnement of McDonalds coupons is helpful with the snacks in between. And you always can ask Mitzi to sent over some bagels, and Ms Scarlet will happily share some of her slop.
ReplyDeletePeople come to visit and see You. Those who come for the hot springs are misinformed and may bugger off.
It seems to me that "macaroni casserole" and "no fat" do not go hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteI don't have guests over, so I don't know what to tell you, especially since "stop inviting people over" and "lots of booze" has already been suggested.
MAGO: Don't get mad at the idea of totally strangers overcrowding your home. A nice assortement of usefull phrases may help. Like "Come on, grab a beer", "shut that door", "I bet you can't do that with a bottle in there". A nice abonnement of McDonalds coupons is helpful with the snacks in between. And you always can ask Mitzi to sent over some bagels, and Ms Scarlet will happily share some of her slop.
ReplyDeletePeople come to visit and see You. Those who come for the hot springs are misinformed and may bugger off.
This is what happened last time I used that “bottle” phrase.
He spent the rest of the evening in the emergency ward.
STACIA: It seems to me that "macaroni casserole" and "no fat" do not go hand in hand.
I don't have guests over, so I don't know what to tell you, especially since "stop inviting people over" and "lots of booze" has already been suggested.
I don’t actually ever invite anyone.
But based on the number of times they’ve extended the courtesy of letting me stay in THEIR homes, it’s only polite that I let them stay here when they say they’d like to visit.
I’ll have that cocktail now.
"clean up is easier when your friends are online"
ReplyDeletegrrrrrrrrherhahahahahahha!!!
K9: "clean up is easier when your friends are online"
ReplyDeletegrrrrrrrrherhahahahahahha!!!
Although there HAVE been a few times online when I’ve had to hose everything down after a party.
I'm making you a batch of cement scones as we speak... Tho the postage may be a killer. I wonder if sending them via sea mail might be cheaper... They may take a little longer to get there but at least they will not go stale... When did you say your guests were arriving?
ReplyDeleteMight I be so bold as to suggest that having procured a packet of Miss Scarlets favourite fish fingers... one serves them with custard. It seems to be the latest must do thing on Dr Who... And one must stay abreast of the times being a time traveler and all.
PRINCESS: I'm making you a batch of cement scones as we speak... Tho the postage may be a killer. I wonder if sending them via sea mail might be cheaper... They may take a little longer to get there but at least they will not go stale... When did you say your guests were arriving?
ReplyDeleteMight I be so bold as to suggest that having procured a packet of Miss Scarlets favourite fish fingers... one serves them with custard. It seems to be the latest must do thing on Dr Who... And one must stay abreast of the times being a time traveler and all.
The guests are arriving on Friday.
Could you send me the recipe?
Or just arrange for a cement truck to stop by my house?
Fish fingers and custard, you say?
*vomits intoTARDIS*