Have you ever stood in peril in your pantry?
Felt temptation as you knelt in the darkened kitchen before the dim glow of the refrigerator light?
Come forth and testify that you too have succumbed to Satan’s power!
Your fat arse belongs to Beelzebub!!!
Can I get an amen?
If this HobNob addiction continues, I’ll soon be…
You'd also get quite a workout running with the Devil!
ReplyDeleteThere's something evil about that man's running suit!
Help me jebsus, I clicked the Content Warning and now I'm only SECOND!!!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I sin nightly with my refrigerator.
ReplyDeleteok, i'm calling third cos boxer commented twice!!!
ReplyDeleteLord, I would like one of those pies!
ReplyDeleteI believe that I may have once mentioned my ongoing affair with the Nutella and a gigantic serving spoon...and yes, we only tryst between the hours of 2 and 4 a.m.
ReplyDeleteMy sexy Nutty is so smooth and sweet and understanding; I just can't seem to stay away from him...
Ohhhhhhhhhh, a content warning.
ReplyDeleteWhen did you get sanctified and cautious?
And yeah, I am back in all my bitchified and drunken glory.
Kthnx. Now pass me a shot of vodka dammit.
I sin before going to bed.
ReplyDeleteThat said I saw an Oprah where they discussed people eating in their sleep. It would explain a lot.
Is the holy jogger running in front of an UFO? That silver round object right behind him ...
ReplyDeleteIt's a long time since I knelt in front of the fridge too pissed to get up and grab the next Pils. But I know that Nutella is right from the devils kitchen. And Dickmanns are not stored in the fridge.
I had to look up Dickmann's. Apparently there are Super and Mini Dickmann's. And some quite lovely commercials. How pleasant and chocolatey!
ReplyDeleteForgive me MJ for I have sinned
ReplyDeletenow can I say a few Hail Mary's and stuff in absolution before my pie gets cold.
So is breaking wind on cakes , like the Lords work ???
Watch out that Satan doesn't tempt you with his sausage, not that you'd be interested.
ReplyDeletecinnamon rolls are my down fall...they don't stay in the house very long at all...and if there is good icing on them, god help the hand that tries to eat them and is not mine!
ReplyDeleteI once got out of bed in the middle of the night to look at naked pictures of Old Knudsen.
ReplyDeleteSx
I only sin with the alcohol. And whatever they say - alcohol does not make you fat.
ReplyDeleteThat's the pies which are of no interest to me.
EROS: There's something evil about that man's running suit!
ReplyDeleteAnd is that fabric even found in nature?
BOXER: Help me jebsus, I clicked the Content Warning and now I'm only SECOND!!!
Don’t blame the content warning for slowing you down. You arrived here half an hour after Eros!
P.S. I sin nightly with my refrigerator.
Do you want to go into it here or are you saving it for Oprah?
SAVANNAH: P.S. I sin nightly with my refrigerator.
We should have been here to supervise what all of you were getting up to on here last night.
XL: Lord, I would like one of those pies!
Thou must not covet thy neighbour’s pie.
LEAH: I believe that I may have once mentioned my ongoing affair with the Nutella
ReplyDeleteOld Knudsen told me that ‘Nutella’ is your pet name for his … oh never mind.
AWA: I’ll pop over later but you’ll probably be too hungover to notice.
CYBERPOOF: I sin before going to bed.
On what? Whipped cream in a can?
We’ve seen your fridge and that looks like one of the staples.
MAGO: Is the holy jogger running in front of an UFO? That silver round object right behind him ...
More likely he’s running away from the stain in the upper left corner.
Dickmanns are not stored in the fridge.
Where do you suggest we store our Dickmanns?
LEAH: Mago introduced us to Dickmanns of all sizes recently and claims he can fit 3 Super Dickmanns into his mouth at once!
BEAST: Forgive me MJ for I have sinned
ReplyDeletenow can I say a few Hail Mary's and stuff in absolution before my pie gets cold.
Your pieHOLE never gets cold as it’s always flapping.
So is breaking wind on cakes , like the Lords work ???
I am the chosen one.
GARFER: Watch out that Satan doesn't tempt you with his sausage, not that you'd be interested.
A couple of bangers would be nice.
Or a nice Irish sausage for breakfast.
DAISY: cinnamon rolls are my down fall
See you in Hell.
SCARLET: I once got out of bed in the middle of the night to look at naked pictures of Old Knudsen.
Here’s a tip…
Keep a framed photo of Old Knudsen on your bed table and you need never get out of bed again.
KAZ: alcohol does not make you fat.
Hallelujah. Mistress MJ is living proof of that.
The only time we feel our waistband tighten is if we sully our whiskey by dunking plain HobNobs into it.
The devil made me eat your ma.
ReplyDeleteOh I missed the Dickmann's mouth-filling feat! I mustn't have been paying attention. Do I need some disciplining?
ReplyDelete*stands hopefully before the mistress, clad in innocent pinnafore, hands folded in front awaiting cruel ministrations*
ReplyDelete...or perhaps I need to do worse first...
Oh Leah, your shiny nimbus blinds me ...
ReplyDeleteMAXI: I hope you got indigestion.
ReplyDeleteLEAH: You are hereby forced into Dickmann-eating in FRANCONIA under the watchful gaze of Mago.
MAGO: We’re sure that Leah can fit more than 3 Super Dickmanns into her mouth at once.
Report back to us.
Whipped cream, Bailey's, chocolate or biscuits.
ReplyDeleteWhat's your vice?
THANK YOU for this
ReplyDeleteNow, when my husband says "Why are you three hundred pounds and where are all the kids' Easter Eggs?" I can legitimately say "The devil forced those eggs into my mouth! Help me oh help me!"
CYBERPOOF: Do you actually put the whipped cream onto something or do you just open your big gob and spray it in?
ReplyDeleteEMMA: This theory may backfire on you when he calls on the devil to force something else into your mouth.
Okay Mago, I commit myself & my nimbus into to your Franconian hands, & feel certain that I can fit as many Dickmanns as are required of me...
ReplyDeleteThis Hob Nobbing must stop. Couldn't you have set the timer on your camera so we could get a shot of you kneeling as described?
ReplyDeleteIt's just chocolate. Satan and everyone else will forgive.
But you'll have to be in tip-top shape for your cross-Canada jog back east.
Oprah scares me. I think she's God.
ReplyDeleteThis post was all about Beast, wasn't it?
ReplyDelete*****BURP****
ReplyDeleteHow dare you Piggy I am almost a saint
The devil made me eat your ma.
ReplyDeleteso inspiring.
I heard you like some dark chocolate nob late at night.
LEAH: l certain that I can fit as many Dickmanns as are required of me
ReplyDeleteShe is desperate for Dickmanns, Mago.
WW: Couldn't you have set the timer on your camera so we could get a shot of you kneeling as described?
As long as it’s not in front of your filthy fridge.
Have you cleaned that thing lately?
BOXER: Oprah scares me. I think she's God.
You mean she isn’t?
PIGGY: This post was all about Beast, wasn't it?
Do you mean the bit about his fat arse belonging to Beelzebub?
Yes.
BEAST: How dare you Piggy I am almost a saint
St. Christopher? Patron Saint of Fruit Dealers?
KNUDSEN: I heard you like some dark chocolate nob late at night.
Or first thing in the morning.
By the way, who’s your source?
I hear Beast does a party trick with Fruit Loops.
ReplyDeleteClever, it ain't.
The dirty bastard.
Mr Lovett binges on hot cross buns then makes himself sick.
ReplyDeleteShe begged for it, yer honour !
ReplyDeleteSHit why am I here, there'sa deadline to be met. Insert, don't bite just nibble, there's some cream filling to be discovered that may come as a surprise, just take time and a little rest when finished. Thankfully they come in different colours and sizes, variatio delectat. BTW the German catch phrase was "Mann ist der dick, Mann!"
PIGGY: I hear Beast does a party trick with Fruit Loops.
ReplyDeleteHe’s the entertainment at intermission during Beasts Glove puppet rhododendron Theatre Show.
It’s the talk of Bournemouth, dontcha know.
GEOFF: Mr Lovett binges on hot cross buns then makes himself sick.
Perhaps he is trying to practice what he preaches.
Book excerpt: Basically, you keep telling yourself "I'm not gonna be fat anymore! For JESUS!"
MAGO: I’m sure Leah will suck out the cream filling.
So that's why Jesus is so buff. Jogging!
ReplyDeleteSTACE: Welcome to Infomaniac!
ReplyDeleteOkay, which Winnipeger sent you here? Donn? WW? Ponita?
You seem like a nice Aussie gal so don’t visit here on Fridays. Just sayin’.
the devil makes me do things .. but never biscuits.
ReplyDeleteYou can't ask me that!
ReplyDeleteIf I did which I'm not saying I do, I blame Bette Midler
CARNALIS: According to your latest post, it was cake that was consumed and led you to don the big knickers and then do the devil’s work.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: You can't ask me that!
I’ll take that as a yes to the opening your gob and spraying in the whipped cream.
jogging with jesus.......how sinister does that sound?
ReplyDeleteI prefer my dickmans and hobnobs in the middle of the living room floor. this is assuming we're talking about fattening snack foods and not sex, although the same rule applies in either case. therefore, i can conclusively state that I have forgotten exactly what my point was, and i doubt I'll remember it anytime soon.
ReplyDeletehey, you do realize that your blog has been flagged for inappropriate content, right? because it has.
MANUEL: jogging with jesus.......how sinister does that sound?
ReplyDeleteI might consider jogging with jesus if he’s ahead of me with a HobNob attached to a stick.
NATIONS: hey, you do realize that your blog has been flagged for inappropriate content, right? because it has.
WHAT THE??!
As the day draws to a close, I can say with certainty that I am at last well-schooled in the ways of Dickmanns. You have your Franconian, Draconian henchman to thank for that.
ReplyDelete*sighs, rearranging her nimbus about her*
...I want a nimbus...
ReplyDeleteLEAH: Mago’s more than just a good foot masseuse, you know.
ReplyDeleteNATIONS: Ask the Franconian. Or Leah.
I WANT A NAKED ARBORIST!...DAMMIT!
Henker?
ReplyDeleteHEY!
I'm a free lance part time killer, times are tough ya' know! I do her feet, that's what she needs, gives me the stilletto, kiss her flageletto ...
I am no henchman. Just a foot soldier.
FN - you like these shiny things?
MAGO: gives me the stilletto, kiss her flageletto
ReplyDeleteWeren’t those the rejected lyrics for ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen?
I think they went with these lyrics instead…
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango.
Dear ... you make me speechless MJ. Sorry, I'm running out of steam now. Yer memory must be cast-iron, a spell sometimes, lemme give you one last Lick and get one last Kick - before i simply collapse, right now.
ReplyDeleteAre you realy packing boxes early in the morning?
*kick*
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ packs at whatever time of day suits her.
*kicks again*