Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.
Infomaniac finds itself in a quandary as there are two pervs vying for the title of Perv of the Day.
PERVERT #1:
Knicker-flasher Martyn Lamb: “I did it just to unwind during the day. I find it a release from my pressures.”
THE PERV: Martyn Lamb, age 40. Self-employed pest controller and father-of-three.
THE PLACE: Hambleton Junction near Selby, North Yorkshire, England.
THE PERVERSION: Revealing his skimpy lingerie and his genitals to passing train drivers – on at least 50 occasions - before picking his kids up from school.
Lamb wore lingerie under his work clothes and changed near the railway line, stripping down to a basque, stockings and high heels and a big blonde wig. A freight train driver witness reported that Lamb also wore “a denim miniskirt with brown stockings and a G-string."
"I've always put the wig on. It's the finishing touch of the day. I bought the lingerie from an Ann Summers shop a while ago.”
THE PUNISHMENT: Not guilty but cautioned for outraging public decency. The magistrate declared "not sufficient evidence" that he intentionally exposed himself.
Note from Mistress MJ: Lamb told police his wife knew nothing about his little “hobby”…perhaps therein lies the punishment when she finds out?
PERVERT #2:
THE PERV: A 29-year-old man. Name unreleased.
THE PLACE: Thomas Township, Michigan, USA.
THE PERVERSION: Arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash.
THE PUNISHMENT: Being held in the Saginaw County Jail.
We can’t decide who rates as the perviest Perv of the Day so it’s over to you, bitches.
Your verdict?
I don't see anything wrong with the first one its tough being a parent these days at least he isn't on the pot or chasing the dragqueen.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of vacuum was it cos I am on the search for one that can suck me lad and get rid of the crabs.
first by the way do I get a prize?
Do you see that shampoo brush attachment on your vacuum cleaner?
ReplyDeleteLather that up with Kwellada pubic lice treatment and Bingo!
A prize?
You've won the last 2 compos on Infomaniac. Isn't that enough?
Wait, the cross dresser's last name is Lamb? Did he also rub the lotion on his skin while flashing the trains? Did he tuck his junk and do a little dance for the train?
ReplyDeleteIs his wife keeping her Silence?
As for pervert number two, did the vacuum complain? The car wash vacuums are paid to suck--doesn't specify what they suck.
The real perverts are the other train engineers who didn't report the flashing. Obviously, they looked forward to tooting their horns upon sighting this dancing queen!
Perv no 2 because I wouldn't want to use that vacuum after he was done with it. Ew! Nasty.
ReplyDelete#2, because I'm pretty sure I DID use the vacuum after he was done with it.
ReplyDeleteMy car would like to sue.
Old K first? I had no idea the old guy still had it.
EROS: I believe his "junk" was jiggling.
ReplyDeleteLet's ask CyberPoof to reenact the scene.
CYBERPOOF: If you were horny enough, you'd use it.
BOXER: Yes, Old K was first.
Are you ashamed?
I'd have to go with number 1.
ReplyDeleteThe train drivers were obviously intrigued ... so much so that they slowed down enough to be so precise with their descriptions of this pervert in his blonde wig, denem skirt, brown stockings and G-String ... and on at least 50 occasions before he was reported and caught.
Now that's a professional pervert.
I think pervert number one takes it out, he got to way more people than pervert 2.
ReplyDeleteSince when was manhoovering a perversion anyway?
At least the first guy completed the outfit with a wig. Attention to detail earns points in my book...
ReplyDeleteYou have to be very brave to stick your todger in the nozzle of a vacuum, not that I'd know.
ReplyDeleteHe deserves a medal.
Number 1 is just a trainspotter who likes fancy dress, thus upholding the fine English tradition of eccentricity.
We've all been guilty of molesting a Dyson or two in our time. Has this site turned into a judge fest?
ReplyDeleteAs for train drivers, they need to be taken down a peg or two to stop them going off the rails!!
Ha.
The freight train driver obviously had a good look - so this guy was obviously well dressed
ReplyDeleteThis is so unusual for a Yorkshire man that he deserves a prize not a fine.
I'll invite him to my next Anne Summers party.
MJ. You will always be the number one pervert as far as I am concerned. The reporting of this sort of stuff has no place on the internet, which is a place for sharing joy, happiness and information of a truly educational nature.
ReplyDeletePervert No.1 deserves a medal, it's v. cold in Yorkshire, and his outfit shows devotion beyond the call of duty.
ReplyDeleteJOE: Don’t get any ideas about using him as a role model.
ReplyDeleteWe don’t want to have to raise the bail money to spring you from the Big House.
T-BIRD: Manhoovering?
Isn’t that what IVD performed on the entire male staff of the London underground last time he was in the big city?
CHAMP: Speaking as The Champ's Official Beard and Body Hair Groomer, I would have to agree that the wig maketh the man.
Would you like to be fitted with a hairpiece?
GARFY: There are some untruths being told in The Colonies that all Englishmen have bad teeth and like to dress as women.
MAXI: The Irish, I’m told, have been voted most likely to stick their knob in a nozzle.
ReplyDelete“Off the rails”…*clutches heart and falls on floor in hysterics*
KAZ: Why was I not invited to your girly lingerie party?
Will Kev be serving h’ors d’oeuvres?
VICUS: If it’s education you’re after, please enroll in my naughty schoolboy class.
*hands Vicus the obligatory short pants*
FROBI: Is it possible he wanted a lift to Penistone?
Perv #1. If for no other reason than how he spells his name.
ReplyDeleteMarty is an object for your pity and not your scorn. If only his Mommy hadn't belittled him for trying on her clothes while he strangled kittens.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that Marty dressed himself up to look just like his Mommy...
except of course that the corpse of that f*cking whore was virtually unrecognisable when the Police discovered her remains strewn about her apartment in 57 pieces. The case remains unsolved.
XL: I imagine he likes to pronounce it “Martine”.
ReplyDeleteDONN: I hope his mother taught him the correct way to put on his stockings.
Perv #1 for sheer recidivism. Perv #2 was a one-shot deal, no? Eh, god bless.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't YOU part of that list?
ReplyDeleteYou're the perviest perv we've ever known.
damn leah with her big werds....
ReplyDeletei vote for the train driver.. obviously spent some time checking the wig wearing one for specific details, "brown stockings, g-string, etc..."
so yeah, the fucking train driver is the perv.
Nah, not really.
ReplyDeleteWould you?
Clearly # 2.
ReplyDeleteLEAH: *Cracks open spine of dictionary*
ReplyDeletePUPPY&HIPPO: Do you see that “stockings” link I left in my comment to Donn?
May I remind you that it was Hippo who sent me that link?
Pervy poofters.
VOICES: He WOULD have to slow the train down considerably for so much attention to detail, it’s true.
CYBERPOOF: I’ll use the Vortex Vacuum instead.
HEFF: Do you have some insider knowledge?
I'm going to judge #2 as the perviest, too. I can't be arsed to explain why though.
ReplyDeleteAnd I most certainly did NOT manhoover the trogolodytes from the London Underground! Cheek.
IVD: Then what was all that talk about you swapping sexual favours for an Oyster card?
ReplyDeleteive been channeling dark magic all morning long and i was told by a dead train box car inspector that the true pervert is not #1 or #2. its not the trains engineer either....
ReplyDeleteapparently there is a man on board the daily train who hires the g-string wearing man to do his "routine" for his pleasure...
he also noted that the "vacuum guy" is a paid vacuum suction tester... he just threw that in there for kicks...
I'm with pervert number 1. He shows flair and imagination as well as his bollocks.
ReplyDeleteAs for pervert #2, cum on, we've all done the vacuum cleaner thing.
Yes you have!!!
That guy with the vacuum should be tarred and feathered, then paraded around for all to see and mock. Taking advantage of a poor innocent vacuum...OH, the humanity!
ReplyDeleteNo. 1 - brown stockings? What was the man thinking? Those can be sooo ugly.
ReplyDeleteNotice they don't say what other colours he was wearing ie: the basque or the G-string.
And demin, well that pretty much goes with anything, but how many of the colours clashed?
He should have been arrested by the Fashion Police.....
VOICES: What channel is that on?
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: Remember the vehicle violator?
(Scroll down to second pic)
How many of you have done THAT?
RANDOM: Don’t tell me you’ve never had impure thoughts about Beast’s crevice tool.
PONYGIRL: I’m thankful he wasn’t wearing support hose.
heh heh...
ReplyDelete*notices that ticker said* "i'm with pervert number 1."
heh heh...
*also notices ticker is trying to hide a vacuum in a shopping bag next to him*
channel 666... right after the martha stuart channel. nations has a show coming on in half an hour.. i'll tivo it for you...
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Tickers is a Hooversexual.
ReplyDeleteIs Nations toilet planter possessed by Satan?
ahhh, i see... im not sure what nations show is going to be this week, its always a surprise!
ReplyDeleteI think they are both pretty harmless.. I have done both these things meself!!
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Probably a crafting lesson…
ReplyDeleteHow to decoupage your décolletage.
MUTLEY: You snuck in the back, you dirty dog!
ReplyDeleteThis can only mean you're back online.
Hurrah!
hopefully with less lumps this time...
ReplyDeletewhy can't it be a tie, sugar? ;) xoxo
ReplyDelete*reminds self to travel via underground when next in UK*
ReplyDelete"receiving sexual favors from a vacuum"
ReplyDeleteHang on. So the vacuum said "Normally I charge but I'm horny today so do you fancy a freebie?"
And the man said "That would be jolly nice. Are you sure it's not too much trouble?"
And the vacuum said, "Just because I'm an inanimate object without feelings of generosity, doesn't mean I can't do you a favour. So stick your willy in me and I'm fairly certain I'll enjoy it too."
And the man said, "Oh okay. You've talked me into it. Can we do it bareback?"
Hmmm.
Odd how no one's nominated themselves as bigger pervs than the two "on display".
VOICES: Whatever you say Mister "sooper duper pooper poopy pants man”
ReplyDeleteI see that’s your handle on Random Chick’s blog.
Very manly and oh so suave.
SAVANNAH: You’ve just become Official Infomaniac Mediator.
We need you now more than ever.
T-BIRD: Are you planning to do some manhoovering too?
KAPI: You know how one thing leads to another.
Besides, the vacuum cleaner was asking for it.
***gives dyson a come hither look ***
ReplyDeleteBEAST: Where have YOU been all day?
ReplyDeleteProbably slobbering over a copy of Dyson Monthly.
Was the centrefold the mattress tool?
What was great was the Michigan guy was arrested around 6 a.m. Jesus. I'm not even up until 8 or so for work, morning wood or not!
ReplyDeleteMATT: He's an "early riser"...ha.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of pervs, the last I heard from you, the Secret Service were sucking your big one.
Being I live just a few miles away from Perv #2 he should get the award. Just don't ask me to deliver it to him!!
ReplyDeleteNEVEREZME: Welcome to Infomaniac!
ReplyDeleteDon't use the vacuum at that car wash!
The vehicle violator looks suspiciously like some one at work.
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: Check tomorrow to see if his todger smells like exhaust fumes.
ReplyDeleteEh, both are equally pervy in their differing ways...
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm thinking about #2 is that at least he was courteous enough to contain his spewing mess to the bowels of a vacuum cleaner.
Nothing wrong with wanting to show the world how pretty you look in your new undies!
ReplyDeleteCATSCRATCH: But not courteous enough to clean up after himself!
ReplyDeleteHONKEIE2: Go on then.
Show us.
You know you want to.