Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.
THE PERV: A cheeky vandal known as the “Butt Bandit”. Described by police as tall and slender and having hair with a "1980s, feathered look.”
THE PLACE: Valentine, Nebraska, USA; a town of about 2,650 people known as “The Heart City”.
THE PERVERSION: The Butt Bandit greases up his buttocks and genitals with Vaseline and leaves his imprint on windows around town.
Old Knudsen spotted in vicinity with a tube of this...
The incidents started more than a year ago and he has vandalized schools, businesses, hotels and even churches.
"This is not normal behavior for Valentine," Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said. "It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."
THE PUNISHMENT: The Butt Bandit is still on the loose but Mistress MJ hopes he will be caught and sent to Infomaniac for punishment.
Infomaniac has ruled out Manuel as the perp because hairs would have been left behind on the windows as evidence…
Manuel's arse
you'd think it would be "OK jelly" if the knudsen was invloved....
ReplyDeletethat would be okay with you wouldnt it?
yeah...
ReplyDelete...and third.
ReplyDeletejust so we have that settled.
YAY Fourthies .
ReplyDeleteNoooooooooooooo Manuels Arse
Good luck getting your hands on him! He's a pretty slippery fellow!
ReplyDeleteMy car alarm went off ... Crap! He smudged my windshield.
ReplyDeleteit's shocking
ReplyDeleteSorry, too much Boston Legal for me
"It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."
ReplyDeleteThat cop has no idea.
Ar all buttock prints unique, like fingerprints?
ReplyDeleteIf so, the simplest method of apprehending the miscreant would be to photocopy all buttocks and hold them on an international database for comparison.
Who needs DNA?
He Will Come to A Sticky~End.............
ReplyDeleteif George Clooney did that sort of thing no one would mind.
ReplyDeleteIs that "pubic" hair with a "1980s, feathered look.”?
ReplyDelete*pulls up pants as she runs away looking from side to side*
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Isn’t “KY” the abbreviation for Kentucky?
ReplyDeleteOld Knudsen doesn't need lube as he’s always greased up and ready to go.
Third?
Aren’t YOU the big man.
BEAST: You’re really second but Voices was marking his territory.
Don’t diss The Arse That Saved Infomaniac.
EROS: You know all about getting a firm grip on things.
JOE: If he’d stuck around, you’d have a new car ornament.
CYBERPOOF: The Shat!
KAZ: I’ll bet he’s secretly biting his lip to keep from laughing.
GARFY: Are all buttock prints unique?
ReplyDeleteWhy don’t all of you send me yours (starting with you) and I’ll compare and contrast and get back to you.
TONY: Har!
CARNALIS: George Clooney aka Old Knudsen’s boyfriend?
GEOFF: *imagines Tony Danza look to pubic region*
He’ll be tarred and feathered when he’s caught.
DAISY: You get back here young lady!
*sigh* that's a lovely arse, not pervy at all.
ReplyDelete17?
yeesh.
BOXER: Judging by the number of times that Voices commented, I think it was important that he have his time in the sun, don't you?
ReplyDeleteThe boy is needy.
I had a feeling Knudsen was the culprit. I didn't wanna say anything, though.
ReplyDeleteInner Voices was clearly bogarting the comments last night.
ReplyDeleteso he gets right up there and lets his junk whap all up against the glass too, smoochie smoochie? you gotta approach this one scientifically. he has to walk up, drop trou, slather on the bacon grease and then angle up to his canvass and make his mark on the world, so to speak. this is quite a dog and pony show we're talking about here. and somehow the police never seem to be able to catch the dude? come on. anyone running around with disco hair and wearing a karate gi or a bathrobe or a lovely wraparound skirt would be my first guess, boys.
ReplyDelete*adjusts deerstalker cap, relights pipe, slams a few cc's of coke*
barring that, nab Beast..just on general principles.
Yes, we all know it's The Shat!
ReplyDeleteHEFF: I gave Old Knudsen your home address.
ReplyDeleteLeave the curtains open.
BOXER: Did you know that Voices wears a bra?
Maybe it was fastened too tight.
NATIONS: A karate gi?
Could be an Elvis impersonator … the fat years.
Beast’s Glove Puppet Rhododendron Theatre Show is on tour so there’s a good chance he’s in Nebraska.
CYBERPOOF: Just doing my bit for Canadian content regulations.
It's a job and someone has to do it.
ReplyDeleteWALKER: AND he's keeping the window washers of Valentine, Nebraska employed.
ReplyDeleteWin-win.
Good. Because I think most of the perverts you parade around here are American.
ReplyDeleteYou should explore the Canadian ones.
It's easy to catch this guy...just find out which convenient stores are running low on Vaseline. Hang around drinking a slurpie and when a "tall and slender and having hair with a 1980s, feathered look” dude shows up, pull his pants down. If his butt and bits are all sticky, you got your Butt Bandit.
ReplyDeletebrings a new meaning to crackled glass, sugar....care for a martini? xoxox
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: Everyone knows there aren’t any perverts in Canada.
ReplyDeleteTell us about Danish perverts, why don’t you?
RANDOM: If his butt and bits are all sticky, isn’t it possible he’s just been sitting around on Voices’ sofa?
SAVANNAH: I find my window cleaning abilities improve after a martini or two.
MJ, you have a good point...I say just arrest the bastard anyway.
ReplyDeleteno Canadian perverts?
ReplyDeleteThat's not entirely true though. There is you!
RANDOM: Talk about attitude!
ReplyDeleteHave you been watching reruns of Cagney and Lacey, by any chance?
CYBERPOOF: You don't see me pressing my bits up against windows though, do you?
I could make Cagney and Lacey cry if I wanted to...
ReplyDeleteRANDOM: What about Sargeant Pepper Anderson?
ReplyDeleteCould you make HER cry?
*swings in to say hello*
ReplyDeletewhats up! ive had too much time in the sun and am feeling sunburnt! find yer butt bandit yet?
*backs out*
Well up until this morning I didn't know that other people did that. Now that I do, I would not put you rubbing your bits on windows past you.
ReplyDeleteThis gives me a brilliant idea for this years personalised Christmas Cards :-)))
ReplyDeleteWAHHHH...Sargeant Pepper Anderson just made ME cry! I also just took a moment to envision Beast's Christmas card...WAAHHHH!!!
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Turn around and let me see your bottom, young man.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: What do you rub YOUR bits on?
BEAST: It worries me that you might want to take art lessons from this guy.
RANDOM: Click on the link I just left for Beast (above) and you’ll see how it could be worse.
*still sore from all the birthday lovings he received*
ReplyDeleteim not sure thats a good idea!
It was me, I smeared my bean bag all over that town. I'm on tour actually.
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Apologies for the welts but you had it coming to you.
ReplyDeleteMAXI: I believe you.
I've just watched your Smellumentary.
not windows, that's for sure
ReplyDeleteFor some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Stephen Neal, each testicle is larger than the other one.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: Photos of firemen, probably.
ReplyDeleteCHAMP: Your testicles are the stuff of legend.
Allow Mistress MJ to weigh each testicle and document the results.
Of course we'll need to do a "before and after" weigh-in for accuracy.
*tenderly sits back down and waits his turn for inspection*
ReplyDeleteVOICES: I'm going out for awhile but feel free to sit in my waiting room.
ReplyDeletePut this flimsy paper gown on.
The one with the opening at the back.
Ahhh fuck. I'm last again and all the best gags have been cracked.
ReplyDeleteI'm going home and I'm taking my fucking ball with me.
sake......
ReplyDeleteI showed up here just to prove to you that I would, despite your whiny warnings. And I didn't slip on on my way in, so to speak.
ReplyDeleteIt IS possible that Manuel has had his butt shaved. Or maybe he wiped it all off.
You need to hire a detective.
BOLLIX: Leave your ball here.
ReplyDeleteI'm having a weigh-in and you look like you could be a contender.
MANUEL: The Arse That Saved Infomaniac has spoken.
Tell me...
Would you have let my blog sink if you'd known how many times you'd see your arse displayed here in future?
WW: Should I consider this your annual obligatory visit?
Cmon, I visit here way more often than once a year. Twice, maybe. Three times, even.
ReplyDeleteA month. Or week.
More often than you think.