Sure, you try to take good care of yourself. You follow a sensible eating plan, drink eight glasses of water a day and get plenty of exercise.
But you’re not perfect.
So fill in the blank…
My doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that I _______________.
Yay I am first. I have no idea I have never seen my Doctor
ReplyDeleteread this drivel on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteYou're not my doctor, are you?
ReplyDeletewas only at 10 percent body fat when I should be at 8.
ReplyDeleteI'm so fat I hate myself, you need to love and validate me lady MJ.
MJ's doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that she... Had a sheep stuffed up her gaping wound.
ReplyDelete...believe more in Eastern medicine, than I do in her ability to help me.
ReplyDeleteAww..fuck it. she doesn't know I'm gay. SUKKA!
Brad , heave your fat ass over here and have a another donut.... see I knew I had that nurturing gene.
ReplyDeleteDora if being gay was a medical condition most of MJ's readership would be in intensive care :-)
BEAST: This won’t hurt a bit.
ReplyDeleteJust turn your head and cough.
VICUS: As your doctor, I am concerned about your hairy palms.
BRAD: May I suggest an enema treatment using Ma Beastie’s chickpea curry?
You’ll be model thin in no time.
TATAS: I’ll thank you to stay on topic and tell us about YOUR doctor.
DORA: You can sway your doctor to the Eastern side when she finds your hidden Ben Wa balls.
BEAST: *hands Beast a nurse’s uniform*
Put this on and clean up after Brad.
...once went to a kinesiologist. (Fucking weird).
ReplyDeleteBecause I'm such a sensible patient and do what I'm told.
.....regularly have steak for breakfast, it keeps my man ass in such fine doughy condition....
ReplyDeleteGEOFF: What was wrong with your kin-ees?
ReplyDeleteMANUEL: Your man ass could be even doughier if you would allow me to tenderize your steak tartare.
...knew ANYTHING ABOUT ME WHATSOEVER.
ReplyDeletebasically i only let the poor man listen to my lungs and read the results of my blood work.
...am trying not to drink so much....
ReplyDelete...maybe switching to another health care provider!
ReplyDelete...think that fried chicken and BBQ brisket and ribs for breakfast is a sensible meal, that substituting the 8 glasses of water with 8 glasses of alcohol is fine.
...once pilfered a package of plastic medicine cups to make jello shots...
FN: I’m having a listen to your lungs right now.
ReplyDeleteIf you were more in tune you could join Beast and Voices’ Butt Bongo Fiesta Band.
VOICES: I can help.
Give me all the bottles in your liquor cabinet.
EROSWINGS: The jello shots that you served at my party, by any chance?
im sorry i should have finished that.
ReplyDelete...trying not to drink so much...water.
Voted Tory.
ReplyDeleteIt's a Welsh thing.
And no, I don't vote Tory.
hideously....accurate.
ReplyDeletethere are compensating factors, though. i can spit like a camel! and iwth far deadlier results, too. watch.
no really. stand right there. now watch.
seriously. dont move. ok.
VOICES: You’ll need these if you’re drinking too much water.
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: Holy Margaret Thatcher, Tickers.
FN: Duck and cover, everyone!
Loogie alert!
....I picked him purely because his name sounded cute
ReplyDeleteI haven't met him so I wouldn't know
..wanted to look like Clint Eastwood when I am 70! He still has lats and a waistline, and look at his tight ass!
ReplyDeleteJames Garner is all squishy, he looks like he has been trapped in a giant clam for 5 years. Sutherland looks as skinny as a reservation dog and Tommy Lee needs to call Adnan Khashoggi and 'buy some arms'!
*wonder if those will work for his verbal diarrhea as well*
ReplyDeleteI still take my mum's valium - SIX years beyond the 'use by' date.
ReplyDeleteOnly one left.
CYBERPOOF: Isn't it time you booked an appointment about your anal fissures?
ReplyDeleteDONN: Believe it or not, I've never taken a good look at Clint Eastwood's 77-year-old arse.
Tommy Lee Jones needs a good moisturizer before he ends up like Keef.
VOICES: I wouldn't want to cure you of your Logorrhoea.
KAZ: I'm almost certain Nations can resupply you.
...have butt sex with MJ.
ReplyDeleteMATT: I'm shocked too.
ReplyDeleteI must have left the back door open.
You're late, it's after 11!
ReplyDeleteDONN: Maybe where YOU'RE from.
ReplyDeleteKeep your pants on.