How MJ Got Her Groove Back

Our hero: Manuel’s arse

By now you know the story of how Ireland’s finest waiter, Manuel, resurrected my blog.

Now it’s time to thank all you other bitches who contributed to the triumphant return of Infomaniac.

But first, let me tell you how I lost my groove; how I misplaced my mojo.





They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my Daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go.



They took me away in my sleep to rehab. Took my bottle too. Snatched it out from between my Kung-Fu-Grip thighs.





They wouldn’t let me blog from rehab so I had to give up my blog, blog, blog. Broke my heart, it did.

Then IVD and SID launched a master plan.

IVD lent Broom to SID so that SID could fly to rehab and help me escape. That plan quickly went tits up as Broom couldn’t handle a 30 stone man.

So SID eased his girth into his car and drove through the night to my rescue…



vroom!


SID whisked me away as best a 30 stone man can. He wooed and soothed me with sonnet and song. He plucked my harp as I blew his Uilleann pipes.

But our SID’s a trickster. As he soothed me with one hand he slapped me with the other. With this abomination!…


Photo removed.



My dignity barely intact, I fled to the Oracle: Old Knudsen.




Old Knudsen BC (Before Cap)



Knudsen took me under his holy robes and instructed me as to the Meaning of Life. He offered to hoe my garden and trim my hedges. But just as I was about to see the light, he blew my cover and exposed my secret identity as Greta Von Sharpie; the famous groupie who once dated Motley Crue, Ken Barlow and the terrorist organisation Hezbollah. …..



Greta Von Sharpie


Long story short. I’ve sent my evil twin Greta to finish my stint at rehab while I’ve come back to blog.



Now, in the unlikely event that I still have your attention, I would like to thank the following bitches who paid tribute to me on their blogs over the past week:

SID with “For MJ” and “Mourning Has Broken.”

Garfy with “Alas Poor MJ, We Knew Her Well.”

Tazzy and Piggy with "Petition Time" and “The Friday Read.”

Old Knudsen with “Blogger Uncovered.”

Inexplicable DeVice (IVD) with “Ding Dong, the Bitch is Dead!”

BingoWings with “See You Later, Alligator!”

Tatas with “MJ Leaving?”


Forgive me if I’ve missed anyone. You touched me. All of you big soft tits, you.


If you haven’t dozed off by now, my heart goes out to the following bitches who, along with Manuel and Manuel’s arse, were responsible for enabling my return.

SID (Stupid Irish Daddy): My shining star(fish). My inspiration. Do do that voodoo that you do so well. I kiss his fat Irish arse.


OLD KNUDSEN: My soldier of fortune. Who ya gonna call? Old Knudsen, that’s who. Brains and brawn and a rapier wit all in one package topped with a cloth cap. I’m proud to be a Knudsenite and proud to be his friend.


PIGGY: Pigsty managed to compose a long, thoughtful email to me without referring to me even once as “that auld bint with the toxic minge.” Obviously, it was a one-off but it worked.


FIRST NATIONS: FN invited me home for burritos. And you know what an honour that is!


WW & HE or SS or whatever he’s calling himself these days: These two Canuckleheads speak my language, eh?


And wiping up the rear: SMUNTY THE CABIN BOY.



And finally, thanks to all you bitches who either sent emails to me, left comments, or both during my meltdown. I’d link to you but I’m spent. You are as follows:

Kaz (whose email made me cry, it was that lovely); IVD (Inexplicable DeVice) (you’re a peach); CyberPete (fashion consultant whilst in rehab); Geoff and Betty; Connie the Convict and his bitch Tatas; Tickers, Vicus Scurra; Frobisher; Chaucer’s Bitch; Dai (ta for stopping by. who are you?); Arabella (I didn’t know you visited here!); Kapitano; Billy; Ellie; MyToes; Peevish McSnark; Geo and Maidy; Rich; Brad Stitt; Daisy and NWT Runner.

A now a word, if I may, with BEAST.

I wasn’t gone five minutes and my body not even cold yet when Beast started nicking my material.

The dirty bitch would have got his hooks into my Album Covers and Filthy Friday too had I not called him at his game.

Your punishment, Beast, is a Norwegian fish whipping from Mistress MJ!




Ta very much, my darling bitches.

Hugs and kisses,

MJ