That deranged church group has decided that I (“The Devil’s Whore”) am “beyond redemption” so they’ve given up on saving my soul.
They’ve also declared that poofy Dane a lost cause and rightfully so as he’s been posting homosexual filth such as this over on his blog…
Starfishsuckers!
But here’s what I can’t understand. And I quote the church’s MongMaster …
"Perhaps Piggy and Tazzy can help them come to terms with just how bad they are. We like Piggy and Tazzy. Disgusting, abominable and putrid - just like the Smunts. Yes, we like the Smunts too."
Anybody in their right mind can see that Piggy and Tazzy and The Smunts are the cause of the downfall of civilization. Has this church group gone mad?!
Perhaps I just need to air out my blog.
Which brings me to today’s question.
If my blog had a scent, what would it smell like?
Dirty martinis, cigarettes and lube?
ReplyDeleteA festering syphillis sore, tramps cum and meths.
ReplyDeleteThe great Canadian smells - Tim Horton's donuts, sweaty hockey bag (is owner hockey player still there?), stale beer and Export "A" (el primo Canuck smokes), moose and beaver shit (we won't ask what the moose was doing at your place), and prime "BC Bud" (Cannabis sativa - British Columbia's largest cash crop). I also detect some lingering tinges of deep fat - no doubt used for making poutine. I'm sure our non-Canadian friends can Google "poutine" should they be unaware of what it is. And cat litter box - time to change if fer fuck's sake MJ.
ReplyDeleteAn exploding can of tuna.
ReplyDeleteIt takes weeks to get rid of the smell. It gets in your hair and everywhere.
You need to send in Dynarod.
No, not Dial a Rod!
* scans phone book for Dial a Rod's number *
ReplyDeleteI can always smell rotting meat until my cloud of Acqua Di Gio catches up to me. There may also be a hint of wipe-clean-rubber, however, it doesn't smell like it's been wiped with a particularly clean cloth...
CYBERSLAG: Thank you so much for setting the tone for these responses, you little Danish dishrag.
ReplyDeleteI had expected comments more along the lines of “fresh baked bread and lilacs” but no, you had to lower the tone.
PIGGY: I’m not surprised you’re familiar with the stench of tramps cum.
In fact, I see you still haven’t got that nasty stain out of your trousers from your last parking-lot-pick-up.
NWT: Ah…poutine. The holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds.
GEOFF: I’d forgotten all about your exploding tuna tin incident.
*wrestles IVD for the Dial-a-Rod phone number*
IVD: I find that running the rubber products through the dishwasher removes any lingering odours.
Although in your case, a triple-action detergent is required.
It would smell of wet dogs, amphetamine sulphate and an anchovies bottom!
ReplyDeletepop culture reference warning:
ReplyDelete"I love the smell of Napalm in the morning..
smells like..
VICTORY!"
FROBI: Dogs plus anchovies = dogchovies.
ReplyDeleteHE: "The horror. The horror."
BITCHES: Unlike the rest of you, I have to put in a half day of work. See you later today.
ReplyDeleteTry not to stink the place up too much 'til I return.
I think it would smell like roast turkey and pumpkin pie. Mmmmmmm ... oh wait, that's my fondest memory of my 'rents house on Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteUmm, Infomaniac scent?
Used condoms, cat food, dried Whiskey Sour glasses, rose smelling air fresheners, and unchanged sheets.
One thing that really had me thinking all day at work.
ReplyDeleteHow on earth can Piggy and Tazzy help me? I thought they were just as putrid and poofy as me - if not more. (that Toybox song "best friend" from their podcast really sent them over the edge)
As for you MJ, suuuuuuure it's *ALL* my fault. Remember they are just as cunty as me
Except me, of course. I actually was going to say it smells of fresh baked bread and lilacs here...
ReplyDeleteYeah, right. Ha!
What's that horrible stench in here?
ReplyDeleteOh it's Maidy, CyberSlag and IVD.
*flings open windows and sprays with industrial strength disinfectant*
Did that fucking danish cunt just have a dig at us?
ReplyDeleteWe're virgin poofs, I'll have you know.
*coughs*
NWT - I thought TAX was BC's biggest crop?
ReplyDeletebc's biggest crop? kamikaze truckdrivers with 'Khalsa' stickers and a hole cut in the floor of the sleeper to shit through.
ReplyDeletethis blog smells like....
Courtney Love lying in an alley being pissed on by Margaret Trudeau.
yeah.
PIGGY: The Danish cunt's been getting a wee bit uppity, don’t you think?
ReplyDeleteFN: Margaret Trudeau or Margot Kidder?