Ask Norma

Mistress MJ is celebrating the long Canada Day weekend with a little trip to the seaside.

Naturally, she’s taking her personal assistant Miss Normadesmond along…



In Mistress MJ’s absence, all questions and concerns may be addressed to Norma, right here in the comments box.

Oh, by the way…

Norma will be celebrating her birthday on July 1st so be sure to drop by and give her a little love.

Birthday gifts are optional but may I suggest a lifetime supply of flatulence deodorizer pads?...



See you soon, Bitches and remember…

ASK NORMA.

Which One are YOU?

While we’re waiting for the dingoes to release Princess, let’s have a little fun, compliments of an illustration sent to us by Thombeau…


[art by Mark Matcho]

Which one are YOU, Bitches?

Where's Prinny?

It appears that Princess slept through his birthday party.



Shall we send a search party to the outback of Oz?

Prinny’s 50th Birthday Party!

Princess turns fifty on Tuesday but since it’s already Tuesday in Australia, let the celebrations begin!



Looking good for 106, Princess!

Oh, our mistake. The bakery got the orders mixed up. Although why Prinny is wearing the cake on his head is anyone's guess.

Let the party games begin, Bitches!...


[via]

Anyone care to dance?



Go easy on the jazz hands, would you?

Hey, bartender! Who does a Bitch have to do to get a drink around here?



Let’s all of us Bitches from The Infomaniac Drinking Team raise a glass to the old dear, shall we?...


[via]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINNY!!!

The Shemale Solution

Have you always wanted a Secret Lady Place but without the fuss and muss of going under the knife for a sex change?

Well you’re in luck with VAGINA PANTIES!



Only $128!

"A simple and easy-to-wear belt in a skin tone color, the pussy is also paipan (hairless) for that extra sexy dimension. Stretchy and flexible, the Vagina Panties will likely fit all and could also be used for dolls and other toys. Plus it works both ways. Sure, feel free to insert "things" into it but the wearer can also let their own, ahem, toy dangle out for that truly Japanese mixed gender androgynous experience."

Thanks to Thom for bringing this unique product to our attention. (Although one wonders why Thom knows about Vagina Panties.) Just sayin’.

Gardening Photos Reminder

Remember when we published photos of your gardens last summer?

A reminder that we’ll be doing another garden photos post in August.



So if any of you Bitches have photos of your gardens ready now, send them to Mistress MJ and be sure to include a little blurb about your garden.

If you don’t have a garden, send a photo of your houseplants or lawn ornaments. Or for those style queens amongst you, a photo of your artfully arranged cut flowers.


[photos via]

Get growing! (Deadline for photo submissions undecided.)

Filthy Friday - Summer Nights Edition

(click pic to enlarge)

How much does this resemble your summer nights?

Cocktails, Anyone?

The Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge has opened poolside.



Cocktails, anyone?

Summertime!

[photo by Gay Block]

Summer's here!

Norma and Peenee would like to remind you to Slip-Slop-Slap!

Apparently, you must seek and slide now as well.

SAFETY GAYS!

On our previous post, the ever-inquisitive Ms. Nations asked…

“PLEASE DEFINE THE TERM 'SAFETY GAY' FOR A BITCH WOUDJA.”

Perhaps this photo via TJB at Stirred, Straight Up, With A Twist, will help illustrate…



And now a word from Thombeau whose vivacious “The Redundant Variety Hour” is literally BURSTING with safety gays…

“In a nutshell: When a diva is busy singing and dancing, she is often accompanied by a brigade of choreographed male dancers who not only add to the festivity, but are there to catch her if she falls. Hence the term "safety gays".

Thom goes on to say…

“This clip is a prime example of Safety Gays at work. Not only are they dancing with Miss Mitzi Gaynor, they're spotting her. Because dancing in heels can be downright dangerous at times!”



And remember…it’s Safety Gays 24/7 at The Redundant Variety Hour!

Celebrating the Golden Age of the Television Variety Show

[via]

Divas, dancers, glamour and glitz! An entertainment extravaganza spectacular! Costumes! Choreography! Camp!

“The Redundant Variety Hour” has it all!

When’s the last time you visited and joined in on the mirth and merriment?

Your host is our very own Thombeau so CLICK IT, Bitches!

READER TESTIMONIALS:

"safety gays!", "unfeasibly tight trousers!", "tacky Italian television!"
- Jon

Carry-Out Boys

Carry-out boys...



[via]

Now available to serve you at the Infomaniac Grocery Store.

Do you require a carry-out boy?

Mock-Croc / Croc-Moc / What the Fock

Mistress MJ is in such a state of shock that she doesn’t know what to call this footwear abomination…



The Mock-Croc? The Croc-Moc?

The ever-delightful Mitzi sent me a link to an article that describes these mock loafers as a diabolical hybrid of the rubbery ‘Croc’-style clog.

The article goes on to say…

At their worst, the shoes resemble orthopedic foot supports, at best, an approximation of a moccasin — complete with breathing holes, jaunty clashing laces and an insole impregnated with a summery ‘citrus scent’.

And now if you’ll excuse me, Mistress MJ needs to lie down on her fainting chaise in a darkened room with a cold compress.

Crocs Warning

[via]

Because you KNOW how Mistress MJ feels about Crocs.

Big Meaty Sandwich

A note from Mistress Maddie to Mistress MJ…

“Whilst out on this lovely Sunday, we dined at the dive Hot Dog Diner, where they offer much meat to be consumed. I couldn't possibly eat my three for $3 so I knew you would enjoy one!!! It wasn't filling but tasty none the less!”

Daddy Saddle

A gift for your daddy…


(click pics to enlarge)

[via]

Pyjama Party

This pyjama party is brought to you by our favourite Québécois blogger, Huggy Jon.

Don't make Mistress MJ come in there and force you to go to sleep, Bitches!

WINNER OF THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS!

Whilst Mistress MJ was dealing with her crashed computer, the winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition was announced.

Contestants were asked to provide a caption for this photo of the lovely Miss Scarlet clad in The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and a Union Jack hat perched on her head at a jaunty angle…

The winning caption …

On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene.

This is the SECOND time that Mr. DeVice has won The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

You may remember Mr. DeVice wearing The Shorts back in 2007 as pictured here…(CAUTION: Sunglasses advisory)...


So The Shorts will stay in England but will be travelling from Devon to Norwich.

And that little hat? It’s off to the runner-up in the Californian desert… miss kabuki zero.

Stay tuned for more adventures of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts in future.

Filthy Friday

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Stockpiling Smut

Mistress MJ is busy foraging for filth and stockpiling smut.



But she thinks it's high time she popped over to visit you.

It's business as usual here, once again, Bitches and it's good to be back.