Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service

After yesterday’s “Your Romantic History” post, we realize that many of you are suffering from lonely hearts and could benefit once again from Infomaniac’s Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.


Photo [via]

The staff of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service (pictured above) is manning the phone lines, ready to match up clients with you, Infomaniac’s readers.

Just jot down a few “dating profile” points about yourself in the comments box …

Your interests, sexual preference, what you want in a mate, etc.

If you’re one of the chosen few, we’ll profile you here on Infomaniac and try to match you up with one of our many clients who are gagging for a shag, er, um, I mean who are looking for love.

Our dating service is also open to those who are already in relationships but are looking for “a bit on the side.”

Discretion assured!



So don’t just sit there. Call today!

29 comments:

  1. Leo, and my name is Paul
    You see I like all women of the world
    You see to me all women are wild flowers
    And if you understand what I'm sayin'
    I want you to

    Mmm, take my hand
    Come with me, baby, to Love Land
    Let me show you how sweet it could be
    Sharing love with me, I want you to

    Float, float on (So float with me, baby)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi I’m a disco Virgo and I’m looking for a third?

    And possible slave or puppy.

    “I’ll do you while you do my husband”

    I enjoy the same inane things everybody lists in a profile, Romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, S&M, Leather, Fetters, Latex, PNP, Bondage, Role Play, Nasty Pig, Handballing, Hum Jobs, Tea bagging, etc...

    ReplyDelete
  3. see my naswer from yesterday, sugar. i'll sit this one out and just read. xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  4. JASON: Leo, and my name is Paul
    You see I like all women of the world
    You see to me all women are wild flowers
    And if you understand what I'm sayin'
    I want you to

    Mmm, take my hand
    Come with me, baby, to Love Land
    Let me show you how sweet it could be
    Sharing love with me, I want you to

    Float, float on (So float with me, baby)


    Oh honey, you’re smooth but we still have to hear from Ralph and Charles and Larry.

    Now just a word of advice…

    Lose the ruffled shirt and bow tie but keep the dance moves.

    By the way, at “that time of the month” I change the lyrics to “bloat on.”

    AYEM8Y: Hi I’m a disco Virgo and I’m looking for a third?

    And possible slave or puppy.

    “I’ll do you while you do my husband”

    I enjoy the same inane things everybody lists in a profile, Romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, S&M, Leather, Fetters, Latex, PNP, Bondage, Role Play, Nasty Pig, Handballing, Hum Jobs, Tea bagging, etc...


    Bingo!

    Our lucky date generator has chosen your profile!

    Soon we’ll be posting your dating profile at Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.

    You could be going home with Mr. Right!

    Or Mr. Right Now!

    Disclaimer: More photos your spectacular ass are required before we can proceed.

    SAVANNAH: see my naswer from yesterday, sugar. i'll sit this one out and just read. xoxox

    Is a “naswer” a negative answer?

    Have you been tippling again?

    ReplyDelete
  5. My interests:

    Long walks on the beach, drinking, dancing, and sex, preferably at the same time, but am willing to compromise by giving up the long walks.

    Sexual preference:

    As often as possible, at least twice a day, even when I'm asleep.

    What I want in a mate:

    A woman with a vagina (post ops will be considered). Rich is a plus, but not necessary. Someone who is open to new experiences. Must have less facial and body hair than I. Scientologists and Lorena Bobbitt need not apply.

    ReplyDelete
  6. EROS: My interests:

    Long walks on the beach, drinking, dancing, and sex, preferably at the same time, but am willing to compromise by giving up the long walks.


    We know a client who excels at the horizontal mambo. She could be right up your alley!


    Sexual preference:
    As often as possible, at least twice a day, even when I'm asleep.


    We can arrange for a date with a Succubus.


    What I want in a mate:

    A woman with a vagina (post ops will be considered). Rich is a plus, but not necessary. Someone who is open to new experiences. Must have less facial and body hair than I. Scientologists and Lorena Bobbitt need not apply.


    Your “no Scientologists” clause rules out Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, Lisa Marie Presley AND her mother Priscilla as potential dates.

    Are you sure you want to limit your options?

    XL: Homogametic a must!

    Are you saying that you must HAVE a woman?

    Or that you must BE a woman?

    ReplyDelete
  7. My name is Henry and I'm an eccentric millionaire who pretends to be poor, I'll meet you at yer hoose for romantic sex just don't tell anyone about me.

    I like sunsets, fisting and animal porn.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi, I'm Scarlet, I can often be found in the library with a candlestick... or the conservatory with a long piece of rope. But don't let this put you off.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Damien here

    With no name husband in the background.

    We are searching for a full time - faithful houseboy.

    Duties include fanning us with a palm frond, mixing cocktails and putting his tail on our cocks :)

    Looks a plus - but please not too bright - you only need to understand monosyllables.

    Oh - if you have an accessible trust fund - even better.

    We will treat you well and make sure you want for nothing........ at least in the way of freedom that is.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, I'm Roses and I'm looking for a man to corrupt me.

    Must like: the arts, poetry, cats, decent red wine, olives and coffee.

    Must be prepared to do the dishes, provide foot-rubs on demand and to put up with grumpy teenage son.

    ReplyDelete
  11. KNUDSEN: My name is Henry and I'm an eccentric millionaire who pretends to be poor, I'll meet you at yer hoose for romantic sex just don't tell anyone about me.

    I like sunsets, fisting and animal porn.


    Henry, my arse.

    You’re Steve Wozniak and you pretend to be poor so you can take your dates to Bob’s Big Boy instead of a four-star restaurant.

    Nice try, Woz.

    SCARLET: Hi, I'm Scarlet, I can often be found in the library with a candlestick... or the conservatory with a long piece of rope. But don't let this put you off.

    Are you planning a book burning?

    You can set fire to our books but you can’t burn our blogs so ha!

    We’ll set you up with a fireman.

    DAMIEN: Damien here

    With no name husband in the background.

    We are searching for a full time - faithful houseboy.

    Duties include fanning us with a palm frond, mixing cocktails and putting his tail on our cocks :)

    Looks a plus - but please not too bright - you only need to understand monosyllables.

    Oh - if you have an accessible trust fund - even better.

    We will treat you well and make sure you want for nothing........ at least in the way of freedom that is.


    I’ve seen the way you ogle my houseboys and frankly, it worries us.

    Nonetheless, since you hold the title of Mr. Nude Infomaniac, you may take your pick.

    ROSES: Hi, I'm Roses and I'm looking for a man to corrupt me.

    Must like: the arts, poetry, cats, decent red wine, olives and coffee.

    Must be prepared to do the dishes, provide foot-rubs on demand and to put up with grumpy teenage son.


    Foot rubs?

    What a demanding bitch!

    Perhaps I could loan Mago to you on a short-term contract.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Interests - drinking and drinking when watching football.
    Preferences - anyone who is available for one week only while I'm home alone.

    ReplyDelete
  13. KAZ: Interests - drinking and drinking when watching football.
    Preferences - anyone who is available for one week only while I'm home alone.


    We wish to point out to our American clients that Kaz is not referring to AFL football but rather to what you people call “soccer.”

    Kaz, shall I see if any of these fellas are up for it?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I won't be needing your services. I've decided if anything should happen to Mr.Boxer, I'm getting a king sized bed and five more chihuahuas.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You aren't the first to say I'm demanding and hopefully, won't be the last.

    When do you want him brought back?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Looking for crabby old fart with a warty foreskin and poor personal hygiene. I also have a fetish for flat caps and whippets. Only serious applicants need apply.

    ReplyDelete
  17. BOXER: I won't be needing your services. I've decided if anything should happen to Mr.Boxer, I'm getting a king sized bed and five more chihuahuas.

    We think you’ll get five more Chihuahuas regardless!

    ROSES: You aren't the first to say I'm demanding and hopefully, won't be the last.
    When do you want him brought back?


    Bring Mago back in time for MY foot massage!

    EMMA: Looking for crabby old fart with a warty foreskin and poor personal hygiene. I also have a fetish for flat caps and whippets. Only serious applicants need apply.

    We suggest hopping on board the Old Knudsen love train express.

    Book your ticket early as there’s always a queue.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Whatto! Everyone! Lord Noel here from a small Island called the Disunited Kingdom (which isn't a Kingdom because we have a Queen - and we love her.....although she is getting on a bit.....so not in any kind of rude way) Anyway! I appear to have lost my good Lady wife somewhere in the grounds of Virtual Manor and I was wondering if you could send me a 'fill in' in the meantime? Tallyho! Best Wishes - Lord Noel

    ReplyDelete
  19. LORD NOEL: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Whatto! Everyone! Lord Noel here from a small Island called the Disunited Kingdom (which isn't a Kingdom because we have a Queen - and we love her.....although she is getting on a bit.....so not in any kind of rude way) Anyway! I appear to have lost my good Lady wife somewhere in the grounds of Virtual Manor and I was wondering if you could send me a 'fill in' in the meantime? Tallyho! Best Wishes - Lord Noel

    Forgive us for doubting you but we thought you were our friend DONN who cleverly disguises himself from time to time and appears in various guises here on Infomaniac.

    What a surprise when we clicked on your Blogger Profile and then discovered the link to your blog!

    However did you find yourself on Infomaniac?

    Ahhh…looking for a bit on the side, I see.

    We can arrange a “fill in” as you call it but we’d like a parcel of land in the DK in return.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Quite happy with my current sex life, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  21. HEFF: Quite happy with my current sex life, thank you.

    Yes, we’ve seen Donna so we’re not surprised.

    ReplyDelete
  22. A fireman with a long hose! Yes please!
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  23. SCARLET: Remember to slide down his pole!

    ReplyDelete
  24. MJ,

    I hate to point this out, but in your post you said "sexual preference"...which implies choice.

    I'm just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Whatto! again......Thanks for being so understanding.....I promise to return the 'fill-in'.....once they're full. I was actually surfing for 'top soil' when I happened across your delightful blog......of course I shall be happy to send you a large package of land (in a plain wrapper)....
    Tallyho! Best Wishes - Lord Noel

    ReplyDelete
  26. KEVIN: MJ,
    I hate to point this out, but in your post you said "sexual preference"...which implies choice.
    I'm just sayin'.


    Gadzooks! My mistake. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I did, however, spell it correctly!

    LORD NOEL: Whatto! again......Thanks for being so understanding.....I promise to return the 'fill-in'.....once they're full. I was actually surfing for 'top soil' when I happened across your delightful blog......of course I shall be happy to send you a large package of land (in a plain wrapper)....
    Tallyho! Best Wishes - Lord Noel


    You were looking for top soil and found a load of manure.

    Will you be planting your seed in that soil?

    ReplyDelete
  27. So glad to see the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag back in service. There are so many lonely poofs out there...

    ReplyDelete
  28. RANDOM: So glad to see the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag back in service. There are so many lonely poofs out there...

    It’s not just for poofs.

    There are a lot of “dire straights” out there too!

    ReplyDelete