Sunday, January 31, 2010

Happy Birthday, Ayem8y!

You might not recognize his face …



But surely you recognize his beautiful backside! …



And perhaps some of his other bits …



Yes, it’s Ayem8y’s birthday (aka Mean Dirty Pirate)!

Today he’s turning tricks celebrating his birthday at Disney World in Florida.

Oh, and if you aren’t already familiar with this Infomaniac bitch, let his own words fill you in …

“Hello my name is ayem8y aka Mean Dirty Pirate. I’m an Aquarius, I like trannies and collecting dildos and leather fetish whips. I’m a zookeeper that conducts safaris in the deepest reaches of the Dark Continent. But in my spare time I enjoy rolling around and licking trash at truck stops. (Really) I’m 45, single, salt-n-pepper, blue eyes, 42” chest, 32” waist, tan, with a thick 8” penis that needs lots of attention but what I really like is taking strange men into my anus. Sometimes single and yes I have had long term relationships. I’m looking for Mr. Right and sometimes Mr. Right Now!”




Oh, and Ayem8y is pronounced EYE-mate-ee … like the pirates say. Geddit? Mean Dirty Pirate…Ayem8y?


Update: Just checked Ayem8y’s blog and he reports, “I am horny.”

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Fast, Loose and Lovely

Here at Infomaniac you know them as Felix In Hollywood and kabuki zero


[via]

But around town, all the men know them as …

Friday, January 29, 2010

Filthy Friday – Superheroes Edition


(click pic to enlarge)
[via]


The Batphone rings, interrupting our heroes ...


Holy bootycall! To the Batpole, Robin!




What's up next for our Dynamic Duo?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Old Homosexuals’ Haven

We first wrote about this gay retirement home in 2008. Since then, so many more aging homosexuals have joined Infomaniac that we thought it was time for an update.



Are you a gay who’s going grey?




A poof with snow on the roof?



Have we got a place for you!



WELCOME TO TAZZY AND PIGGY’S RETIREMENT HOME FOR TIRED OLD POOFTERS!

Come on in!

Join our hosts Tazzy and Piggy (two aging poofs from Yorkshire) for a tour of this exceptional gay retirement home.

You pause on the front step, looking perplexed as there’s nothing resembling a doorbell or a knocker.

“Simpleton,” sniffs Piggy. “See that slot in the door at hip height? Just slip your todger through the slot and we’ll cum to greet you.” ...


[via]


Once you're inside, a portrait of Quentin Crisp greets you in the grand entrance hall. (Link provided for non-homosexuals)


Quentin Crisp

Photos of dead gay icons line the walls of your new home. They’re all here: Judy Garland, Oscar Wilde, Liberace, Joan Rivers… oh wait, she’s still got a few years left on that face lift. (with apologies to Michael Rivers).

Tazzy and Piggy lead you to the communal “living” room where you’ll find all your old gay friends.

“Lawks!” screams a freakishly tall, rake-thin figure as he bumps his head on the ceiling.

Gasp! Its IVD!

(The Home was designed by Piggy, who, by the way, is a Pygmy… a ginger Pygmy, actually. Anyway, Pygmies have no concept that the rest of the world might be over 4 feet 11 inches tall so the freakishly tall IVD is having difficulty getting about in his new home.)


Piggy the Pygmy (left) and the freakishly tall IVD (right) out for their morning constitutional. Note that Piggy is still able to walk upright without the aid of a Zimmer frame.

Why, you ask, is the relatively young IVD living in a home for aging poofs?

IVD is only in his LATE thirties but he’s developed an old lady’s taste as seen here…


IVD’s twee little cakes. Perfect to serve at the old poofs’ home with tea and a game of bridge.


As we scan the room, we see more familiar faces.

Why, there’s Mr. Frobisher! And he’s made a friend!...


Frobi (right with feathered mask) with unidentified friend on left. Perhaps we should have called it a “Camp” instead of a Home?


Old Knudsen appears to be disoriented…


I’m not ghey! Where’s the gurlyboys?


“What about activities and events?” you inquire.

We’re glad you asked.

Come along to the spa and relax in the hot tub!…




Or join Ayem8y in the gym to pump it up …




“Will there be houseboys?” asks Normadesmond


Why of course, Miss Desmond.


“What about Internet access? I NEED TO BLOG!!!” you fret.

Piggy assures us, “We’re fully equipped so you need never stop blogging ‘til the day you die. Access all your faves… like Infomaniac, for example!”




“Will I have my own private bedroom?” you wonder.

“We’re still working on that,” smirks Piggy. “For now you’ll have to share a room.”…




“What about a dress code?” asks Mr. Peenee. “Can I wear my special hat?”



No. No, you can’t. But everyone else can cum as they are.


Felix In Hollywood and kabuki zero (pictured below) reviewing the many amenities of Tazzy and Piggy’s Retirement Home For Tired Old Poofters …



So cum enjoy the good life at TAZZY AND PIGGY’S RETIREMENT HOME FOR TIRED OLD POOFTERS!



We’re sold on getting old!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Rumours!

By now you’ve all met the lovely kabuki zero



But did you know he’s been spreading rumours?

Click here to see if you’re mentioned!

Especially if your name is Felix, IVD, Normadesmond, My Name Is Mob, Beast, Donn, Random Chick, Damien Oz or CyberPete.

And apparently there is “more to follow” though I can’t imagine what other dirt kabuki can scrape off his size 13s, can you?

Monday, January 25, 2010

Public Service Announcement #3


[via]

Do not urinate on powerlines.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I Dream of Bloggers

If you were following the comments from yesterday’s post, you know that I had a dream about our witchy little friend from Norfolk, England: IVD (Inexplicable DeVice).


Won't you join me, Mistress MJ? Clicking biggifies me!

In the dream, we were cuddling and (gasp!) … nekkid!

Nothing sexual was going on, thankfully. After all, he is a big poof. Or as Piggy and Tazzy so neatly summed it up …

“Ever heard the phrase 'Friend of Dorothy'? Well, meet Dorothy. As queer as they come. A fully qualified, professional, mincing machine.”

Anyway, I’m just glad that IVD wasn’t making his wretched gurning face as pictured here …



THAT would have been a NIGHTMARE!

This isn’t the first dream I’ve had about IVD.

And come to think of it, I’ve had numerous dreams about various Infomaniac bitches.

Fellow Canadian Donn, for example …



I recall a few cuddling dreams about Donn though the details are sketchy.

However, I remember one dream where each time I clicked on Donn’s blog I heard the theme tune from the Dick Van Dyke Show.

I’ve also dreamed a few times about Tazzy and Piggy but thankfully I’ve forgotten the content. And frankly, I don’t want to know.

And then there’s Ayem8y and Jason. I’ve dreamed about the two of them (together) three times!

Ayem8y responded to my dream by saying, “I assume that I was curling your lashes while Jason painted your toenails.”

Makes perfect sense to me.

And now over to you, bitches.

Have you had dreams about fellow bloggers?

Tell us about it!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Shower Soap

Meanwhile, back at the Infomaniac Gymnasium, Mistress MJ ponders which soap dispenser to install in the showers.



Friday, January 22, 2010

Filthy Friday – Botanical Edition

This week’s Filthy Friday image is courtesy of Ms. Nations, she of the green thumb.

Actual quote from Ms. Nations’ blog: “WORSHIP MY MIND BOGGLING ABILITY TO MAKE PLANTS GROW! MUAHAHAHAHA!”



Yes, Ms. Nations is a goddess of the garden and is the author of the best-selling “Creating a Backyard Paradise: Turn Your Old Toilet or Truck Tires into Decorative Planters”.

Nonetheless, we here at Infomaniac consider this to be a highly unorthodox planter.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Filthy Friday Fundraiser

Thank you for your generous donations.

People like you make it possible for us to continue to post filth on Fridays.



See you tomorrow with another edition of Filthy Friday.

*hightails it outta town with cash*

Money Maker Inspection

It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that some of you are withholding funds.



If you are serious about receiving your weekly Filthy Friday post, you will pay up NOW!

See yesterday's post if confused.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Make A Deposit

(subtitle "Tits and Ass"...see Update)

Mistress MJ is taking a couple of days off to attend to important business.

Make a deposit in the slot below if you want Infomaniac to return on Filthy Friday …


[via the fabulous Jason]

UPDATE!

Happy Birthday, XL!

Mistress MJ just found out through Miss Savannah that January 20th is an extra special day.

‘Tis the birthday of Mistress MJ’s Official Pillow Fluffer and IT Consultant, the wonderful XL!



Please join us (after you’ve made a deposit in the slot) by wishing XL a happy birthday.

Note to XL: How is it possible that you weren’t on Infomaniac’s birthday list? Apologies from The Management.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You Better Work It

Mistress MJ sees you sat on your fat arse.

Get yourself into the Infomaniac Gymnasium.



I have one thing to say …you better work, bitch!


[via]

Monday, January 18, 2010

Buy New Underwear Day

Most of you slovenly bitches are walking around in worn out, ill-fitting, unattractive underwear.

Mistress MJ sees your saggy, elasticized waistbands and ratty old gussets full of holes.



But the worst offenders are those of you wearing comedy boxer shorts …



Infomaniac declares today BUY NEW UNDERWEAR DAY.

If you don’t have the time to purchase new underwear, then for heaven’s sake at least have a rummage through your drawers and discard a few pairs of old knickers.

Better yet, recycle and use them to polish your mirrors.

Or sell them to Japanese salarymen!…



Let us know how you get on with all this.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Happy Birthday, Kapitano!

Mistress MJ has been spirited away by faeries and cannot join you.

But speaking of faeries, why don’t you buy our Kapitano a birthday drink? …


[via]



Note: To those who have sent emails inquiring about your Mistress’ health/state of mind (you know who you are and thank you) or sent filthy fotos via email (Ms. Nations) … Mistress MJ will respond asap.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Filthy Friday – Banana Hammock Edition

Mistress MJ wishes to thank TJB of Stirred, Straight Up, With A Twist for today’s Filthy Friday submission …



TJB feels compelled to share his filthy finds with Mistress MJ and we here at Infomaniac are the better for it, don’t you agree?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Pissing Contest Winner

Despite the whole of Italy casting their vote for Miss Scarlet, Infomaniac declares BEAST the winner of the Pissing Contest … by a landslide!


[photo via Kevin]


Beast wins the Pee Book entitled What’s My Pee Telling Me? We’ll be expecting a book report, Beast.

Miss Scarlet wins the consolation prize: A pack of Tena Lady pads …



Well done, all of you! Thank you for your participation.

Here’s something interesting I learned from reading What’s My Pee Telling Me? As you know, the book also covers information about poo and farts so we’re veering off the pee topic for a moment.

DID YOU KNOW?

An Australian study found that men fart an average of fifteen times a day while women let loose a mere eight times a day. The study also concluded, however, that women’s farts had higher sulfide content and smelled worse. Their scientific method? Subjects farted ito an aluminum bag. The gas was then removed with a syringe and expelled into the nostrils of eagerly awaiting judges.