Monday, November 30, 2009

Perv of the Day

Welcome to another edition of Perv of the Day.

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.




THE PERV: David Truscott, 40, of of Redruth, Cornwall, England.

THE PLACE: A farm in Camborne, Cornwall.




THE PERVERSION: Manure fetish.

Truscott broke into a farm, covered himself in manure and was seen masturbating.

He climbed into the manure spreader vehicle - and was found wearing shiny red shorts, rubber gloves and playing in the slurry for "sexual reasons".

The court heard he’s regularly visited this farm for some five years.

The farmer first became suspicious that something odd was going on when he found a water trough filled with manure and tissues scattered around.

The farmer then saw the shape of what appeared to be someone’s bottom and two hand prints where manure had been piled up.

On one occasion a milking parlour had been entered and Truscott had stripped down to his underpants and climbed into a huge vat of manure.

Police who searched Truscott's home found 360 pairs of women's knickers and containers of liquid sludge and hard mud.

Truscott told the officers that he liked to sleep in women’s pyjamas.





THE PUNISHMENT: Charged with breaching the terms of a restraining order and jailed for 20 weeks.

Thanks to Yorkshire’s biggest poofs, Tazzy and Piggy for bringing this story to our attention.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Poseidon Adventure

Join Mistress MJ as she spends the day reenacting The Poseidon Adventure. (1972 version).

I shall be playing the Shelley Winters role of Belle Rosen.


You see, Mr. Scott? In the water I'm a very skinny lady.


Choose your own character (you'll have to fight me for the Shelley Winters role) or select one of several Poseidon Adventure action figures to act out your part.

If you’re camera shy and would prefer to work behind the scenes, tell us how you would have rewritten the script or recast the film.

You’re the directors, darlings!



I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.
-- Shelley Winters

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Dancing Queens

It seems that a few of you were put off your lunch by yesterday’s Filthy Friday photo. Miss Lulu LaBonne, for example, asked…

can we have some nice skipping fairies next please?

Even more exciting than skipping fairies, we've found some dancing fairies in the shape of the Infomaniac Dancers …




(click photos to see “Les Girls” in their best light)


We hope we’ve managed to make amends with our sensitive readers.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Filthy Friday – Wanksgiving Edition

This old feller seems to be enjoying his Thanksgiving turkey dinner …



We wonder if he ate the giblets as well as the neck?



Note: Thanks to Kapitano for bringing the word ‘Wanksgiving’ to our attention.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Yanks Giving Thanks

Our friends in the United States celebrate Thanksgiving today.



So let’s all pause to consider this question…

What are all of you ungrateful Infomaniac bitches thankful for?

Obviously you’re stalling for time so Mistress MJ will get the ball rolling with just a few thoughts …

Thankful when our friend BEAST bathes and puts on a clean pair of underpants.

Thankful that MS. NATIONS has returned from her lengthy blogging hiatus.

And thankful that so many of you have submitted photos of your ALLURING ARSES.

And you, bitches?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Housekeeping Houseboys

Mistress MJ hasn’t had time to supervise the houseboys and as a result, the housework isn’t being done properly.

Honestly, is this any way to polish the furniture? …


(click to enlarge)
[via]

Do you have any novel ways of doing your housework?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Crocs O-Dial

Mistress MJ has taken to her bed as a result of this …





Mistress MJ’s Official Pillow Fluffer and IT Consultant, XL, knows how much I detest Crocs.

Yet he had the audacity to bring the Crocs-O-Dial Universal Cell Phone Case to my attention.

Worse still…it’s being sold at Walmart!

And we all know what kind of people shop at Walmart! …



(click to enlarge)


Not only that but KAZ plans to buy me a Crocs O-Dial for Christmas!





Please excuse Mistress MJ as she pulls shut the curtains and reclines with a case of the vapors.

I don’t know how much more Crocs product I can take.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Cocksucker’s Mirror

We posted a link to this gizmo so long ago that only old-timers Donn, Kapitano and Ms. Nations noticed it.

So we thought the rest of you would appreciate seeing this great little gift idea…



Have you ever wanted to watch yourself suck cock? Up close? Now you can with our Cocksucker's Mirror. This cock ring with a voyeuristic twist is an 8" oval plastic mirror with a 2" diameter glory hole at the bottom. Put your partner's balls and cock through the hole and watch yourself do what you do best.


Mistress MJ would use it to touch up her lipstick while she’s down there!





Note: No new post 'til Tuesday.

Infomaniac Declared “Silly”



Our Brits! Brits! Brits! post continues to attract anonymous commenters.

But rather than continue on with the “Brits” debate, let’s skip ahead to see what Anonymous (a woman this time) has to say about Infomaniac in general …


A nice blog, but sometimes a bit too silly in places.


We here at Infomaniac are at a loss to determine which parts of Infomaniac are “too silly”.

Opinions, anyone?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Geezer Smut

It seems we upset the equilibrium yesterday with this photo.

To assure you today that all is right with the Universe and that you’re on the right blog, allow us to present some good old-fashioned geezer smut …


I’ll gum you young fellers to death


Reactions to yesterday’s post showed bewilderment as we’ll outline here with a couple of quotes from Kevin and IVD.

waitaminute
youngerish guy, toned body, pleasant appendage.....filthy friday????
honey, what's this, what's going on, what's happening here!?
The page says infomaniac, but there's no grey haired geezer with skidmarks on his back jumping rope with a gentleman caller who has a goiter and a stomach-apron.
kevin confuse.

--Kevin


That's exactly what I was thinking, Kevin. Honestly, one returns from the depths of an airing cupboard to find that a wrong turning must have been taken because one is now in Bizarro World!
-Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)


We here at Infomaniac can only hope that we’ve rectified the situation to your satisfaction.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Big Squat

Are you ready to do The Big Squat?

Assume the position, bitches …



November 19 is World Toilet Day.

The World Toilet Organization asks you to squat for one minute today to acknowledge the need for proper sanitation worldwide.

Participating in the Big Squat is simple. Simply squat for one minute in a highly visible location, and then have a plan to explain to anyone who notices WHY you're all squatting.

Squatting is actually a very healthy bathroom stance, but it's also a symbol of the problems in the developing world, where a lack of sanitation forces people to squat in fields, on train tracks, or in other open places. Open defecation is actually one of the worst problems facing the developing world.


Looks like our friend Piggy’s already got a head start! …


Click to enlarge to see that the sign says "There are more toilets further on"

Please do not leave the public facilities pebbledashed, as Piggy has done.

As for the rest of you…

Ready. Set. SQUAT!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hump Day

It’s hump day.

Would it kill you bitches to show a little enthusiasm?


(click to enlarge, if you can be bothered)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Secrets

Mistress MJ is convinced that you’re all withholding information.



We know that each and every one of you has a secret to tell; a juicy little piece of gossip about one or more of your fellow Infomaniac bitches.

We’re certain that Piggy knows a secret about Beast who knows a secret about Mr. Frobisher who knows a secret about IVD who knows a secret about CyberPete who knows a secret about Eroswings who knows a secret about Kapitano and on and on and on.

So go on then.

Spill it, sistahs.

Note: Some discretion is advised! This is strictly tongue-in-cheek so please don’t dish on any blogger who has actually confided in you. We don’t want this to end in tears now, do we?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Brits! Brits! Brits!

Non-Brit Infomaniac readers, please bear with us.




It seems we’ve upset the applecart (well, one Welshman, anyway) by lumping all our UK readers under the heading “Brits”.



I object!


Here’s what our Welsh reader had to say …

All i am saying is that you used the word Brit without realing that it is insulting to those who are not English. It is only the English and the population of Northern Ireland who are truly British.

The United Kingdom has four seperate identities within it. Scotland is a seperate country from England. Wales has a seperate border from England, the ROI has a seperate border from Northern Ireland.
You continue to offend many people with your constant misuse of the word Brits.


END OF WELSHMAN'S STATEMENT.

RETURNING NOW TO MISTRESS MJ...

Let’s have a look at this Venn Diagram, shall we?



[via]


The British Isles = England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

The United Kingdom = England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

Great Britain = England, Scotland and Wales.

When I’m referring to people who live in Great Britain and/or the United Kingdom, I refer to them as “Brits”. (Although if I’m including anyone from the Emerald Isle, I’ll usually add “and the Irish” to clarify; regardless of whether they’re from the Republic of Ireland or Northern Ireland).

I do so to simplify matters as I need a label for you lot.

Perhaps it is not technically correct but I need a single word to sum you all up.

Just what do you people want to be called, anyway?

How am I, an ignorant Canuck, supposed to make sense of it all?

Infomaniac now opens this forum up for discussion.

Wisely, Mistress MJ is staying out of this and will observe from a distance whilst nursing a glass of the finest Irish whiskey and having her feet massaged by a willing Franconian. At the close of the day, I shall study your responses and hope to have learned more about the mysterious peoples I call the Brits.

*bitch slaps all of you in advance and sits back*


Please see to it that you resolve this issue immediately.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Stormy Weather



First order of business here on Infomaniac today is to take roll call following Saturday’s storm in the UK.

All present and accounted for?

According to one report, things got so bad that “Firefighters took down a "dangerous" kebab shop sign which had become dislodged by strong winds in Gravesend, Kent.”
*sniggers*

How did you weather the storm?



As for the rest of you, what’s your worst weather memory?

Note: Click both pics for full splendour.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ugly Brits

Brits are the ugliest people in the world. (Full story here.)

Or so says a dating site, BeautifulPeople.com that only allows “beautiful” people to join.

Let’s turn it over to you, bitches. You be the judge as you size up these Brits for their eye candy appeal ...


Pete Doherty, musician




Ann Widdecombe (left), politician




Lembit Öpik, politician




Jade Goody, dead reality TV star / celebri-whore




Wayne Rooney, footballer




Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall




Amy Winehouse, singer




UPDATE: Susan Boyle, singer (as suggested by Random Chick)


Did we miss anyone? Or are we being too harsh?

If it’s any consolation to you Brits just remember …

At least you’re better lovers than the Germans!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Celine Dion No Longer Preggers


Just a little bloated, is all


We interrupt this blogging break to announce that Celine Dion is no longer up the duff.



Celine with husband René and eight-year-old daughter son René-Charles
(Click to enlarge)


Celine's publicity firm has confirmed she is not pregnant and that her in vitro fertilization procedure was not successful. However, Celine and her husband, René Angélil, are determined to keep trying to get pregnant.

According to Angélil, the couple is travelling to New York this weekend to try again.

"Céline and I didn't get discouraged ...we put our faith in life and in the stars," Angelil said. “Celine is more determined than ever."



We now return to our previously scheduled blogging break.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

The Mo-Bed

Mistress MJ’s “get-up-and-go” got up and left.

She’ll be relaxing in the Mo-Bed if there are any mo’s, er, mo of you who want to join her but please keep your voices down and for gawd’s sake wear some clean underwear for a change.


[via]

She is not certain how long this R&R session (i.e. blogging break) will last but she’ll be back asap.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Filthy Friday – Welcome Back, First Nations!

Back from a long hiatus, Ms. First Nations is back, bitches!

And her playground is OPEN! …


[via]

Thursday, November 05, 2009

MJ’s News and Sweet Shop

We’re tightening our belts and pinching our pennies here at Infomaniac, what with all the costly renovations.

As a result, we’ve taken on a sideline business.

Welcome to MJ’s News & Sweet Shop!


[photo by Piggy]
(click to enlarge)

In the photo above, we see our first customer, Tazzy from Yorkshire.

What do you suppose he’s purchased?

And what will be your first purchase of the day, bitches?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Happy Birthday, Manuel!

Happy Birthday to the hero of Infomaniac, our Manuel



According to his latest post, Manuel intends to spend the day as follows (abridged version) …

Unwrapping pressies
Eating rich and ostentatiously priced food stuffs
Quaffing your dearest wines and cocktails
Living the life of a jolly dandy the whole day

In short: Being “a right fucking princess.”

Barfing, self loathing, tears and tantrums (again, the abridged version) will follow.



Happy birthday you precious wee man.

There’ll always be cake for you here on Infomaniac.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Canada’s Mean Streets

Thinking about vacationing in Canada?

You may want to reconsider.



We’re following this story closely …

Halloween took a bizarre and frightening turn in London (Ontario, Canada) this weekend when a man dressed as a purple Teletubby robbed a woman at gunpoint near the city's core.

London police say a gun-toting man wearing a costume of the pudgy purple television character, named Tinky Winky, confronted the woman near Talbot and Mill streets just after midnight and demanded cash.

The woman, in her 20s, handed money to the robber, who then ran south on Talbot.

The woman was unhurt, but misfortune wasn't hers alone. A second man dressed in costume was later stopped in the area by police and questioned -- but police had the wrong Teletubby.

"He was deemed not to be the Teletubby we were looking for," Const. Kevin Lui said.

"Unfortunately, Halloween provides (robbers) more cover than any other night."

The woman said the man who robbed her was between 6-foot-2 and 6-foot-4, 200 to 240 pounds with muscular build, short, dark hair and was clean-shaven.

Teletubbies is a TV series aimed at pre-schoolers that also gained a cult following among some older viewers.

Tinky Winky gained some notoriety a decade ago after evangelical preacher Jerry Falwell claimed the character was a homosexual role model because his antenna was a triangle and he carried a magic bag that looked like a woman's purse.

Source

Monday, November 02, 2009

Charles and Camilla Do Canada

Prince Charles and his wife Camilla arrive in Canada today on an 11-day whirlwind coast-to-coast tour.




They’ll be doing the usual things that visiting Royals do: wreath-laying, tree planting ceremonies, meeting with talking heads, dinners with dignitaries, and inspecting the troops …




It all sounds rather dull, don’t you agree?

And we Canadians are a tad ho-hum about it all.

So what would you suggest to liven up their itinerary?